Change from the Inside Out

“Although I would like our world to change, it helps me to appreciate those nights and those dreams.

But my friend, I’d sacrifice all those nights, if I could make the Earth and my dreams the same.”

~ Creed

I want so much to change people. The broken characters in recent movies show me their fatal flaws. Some are worse than others.  I may even secretly wish for their death.  I want others to be like me:  listen to my music, feel what it’s like to long for social change and not know where to start, and understand my approach to solving problems.  I guess I want a clone of myself. I want even one person to understand me. But these efforts are fruitless.  In general, everyone seeks approval. We struggle and fight to be understood. We post pleas for understanding on Facebook and are disappointed when the number of “likes” is low.  I am learning that this constant appeal for approval is misguided.  It is a rat race, a dead end.  So how must we conduct our lives in this respect?

I first want us to consider how we became the person we are today.  I also want to consider the very evident fact that we are not where we want to be. When I say that I realize that there are individuals who are content with themselves and the possibility of them changing is not extremely high. So in my discussions, I am not referring to those human beings. I am speaking to those of us who choose to learn, grow, adapt, and improve each day. 

Our present situation and mindset is a combination of our genetic programming, our upbringing, the education we have chosen (and sometimes endured), and the choices we have made. It is also a product of the way we have faced adversity and how we came out on the other side.  We know many of our own positive attributes and a few of our faults; the faults being infinitely more hard to swallow. When we are young, it is natural to be focused inward, on meeting our physical needs, and worrying about our future. As we age and settle into a career, our thoughts must go deeper as we seek higher goals.

We daily look in the mirror, and see this person, and then we move away.  Do we hope for more, besides a little more hair or one or two less wrinkles?  I think the reason superheroes appeal to us is because they have powers that we envy:  superstrength, X-ray vision, eternal life, or super speed.  We want to be superhuman.  We want to be so much more than this lump of flesh with a finite shelf life and an expiration date that is largely unknown.  But we must come to grips that we are not superhuman. It is sobering, but it a part of who we are as the human race.

So what can we change?  Can we overcome our intense desire for acceptance?  Can we make a difference in our short time on Earth?  I think we can.  But having said that, I cannot obsess over the person I am not, only strive a little each day to be an improvement. Find a social cause and do what you can to get involved.  Look outside of yourself and help someone less fortunate than you.  Set a goal for yourself and meet it; a fitness goal or a life change that can be an inspiration to others.  Don’t worry so much about pleasing others or your Facebook status.  Your personal thermometer should include two things:  have I strived today to be a better person and have I helped someone in need. It is fulfilling to our souls, our faith, and our duty to mankind.

It is a process of introspection, a daily test of self-evaluation and goal setting. It should be as natural as the air we breathe.  It is not a mandatory part of living. We can choose to stay where we are. But it is worth the struggle to move up the hill to view a place where we can be. Having said that, I realize that the process of becoming involves three steps forward and two steps back.  It is a rocky mountain climb. But we must strive to continue moving upward. May we always make decisions that please heaven and give us rest, knowing we are making progress toward the person we want to become.  For those worried you are being selfish in this process, consider that Jesus said we must love our neighbor as ourselves, implying we must first get the affairs of our own conscience in order before we can be of any benefit to others.

The mark of a difference made is not changing the world, because so few of us will.  We may make a name for ourselves in our careers, add to a body of knowledge, and have our 15 minutes of fame, but that success may be short lived. The mark of a difference made is when we fold our hands to leave this world, can we put our regrets to rest and have we proved to our self and others that this life is worth the trouble?

Growing Up: It’s Not What You Think

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so.  Now that I am fifty, I read them openly.  When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."~C.S. Lewis

How do you know when you have officially grown up?  Is there a magic age when you realize your potential and start acting maturely, showing your God-given potential, and expressing your values clearly to the world?  Is there a time when you feel good in your own skin, when you can approach your imperfections with humility, and seek improvements without self-condemnation?

Balance is something that many individuals desire but never achieve.  Becoming fit without becoming too prideful in our appearance. Becoming a good example of our religion without coming across as pious and losing sight of social issues that exemplify our religion.  Becoming knowledgeable without appearing a know-it-all or unteachable.  Achieving personal and lifetime goals for the right motives, not to prove others wrong. 

I am currently at a point where I am reflecting on my first 45 years.  There have been mistakes and many learning experiences.  Professionally I have reached the goal that I strived for my entire life.  So where do I go from here? How do I rebuild myself in this new career from the ground up? I am constantly torn between riding the status quo and coasting or pushing myself into new territory. I am convinced that the best way to learn something new is to be made to do it. Learning a new language.  Deciding what should be the focus of my research.   Even preparing a new dish in the kitchen.  I want to be a lifelong learner.  I want to be a reader in a television world; a poet in a world of novelists.

What does it mean to be comfortable in your own skin?  Does it mean that we never have to make improvements? Does it mean we are confident that we have arrived, that we have nothing else to learn?  I think it means that we don’t panic when we see an extra pound or two on the scale. We just get back to the gym and start counting calories.  I think it means that we can take constructive criticism without falling into depression but also without completely discounting the critique. It means we carefully weigh decisions and have enough confidence in ourselves to pull the trigger.

Many people live their whole lives for that Mt. Everest moment.  Once they have jammed their flag in the summit, their lives are essentially over.  They have no more goals.  They cannot reinvent themselves.  I don’t want to be that person; always living in the past.  Neither do I want to be the person that lives with the scars of regret.  In the end, I want to be the kind of person that has lived…really lived. But I want to enjoy the ride and be able to laugh at myself as well. Our life is a mystery, but it is no mystery that maturity will always allude us if we take ourselves too seriously. 

Every day is the chance to climb a new summit, meet a new challenge.  May I always be ready to say “What can I learn today?” “How can I be a better person today than I was yesterday?”  But may I also be able to look in the mirror and know that I am stuck with the image I see.  I am who I am; imperfections and all. Maturity is not marked by a specific age, and it is always about the journey, not the destination.

Maturity means looking in the mirror and smiling at the person you have become, while reflecting the hopes of the person you want to be.

Color Blind: The Truth in Black and White

“To be truly positive in the eyes of some, you have to risk appearing negative in the eyes of others.” ~Criss Jami

I am becoming increasingly aware of how we judge people by their appearance without considering the person underneath. We are all guilty.  It is something in myself that I am trying to be aware of and change by considering the value of all human beings.  Ironically, I may even be judged by the color of my skin because it is white.  Some look at my skin and think they know the person inside.  My past generations have made many stupid mistakes. Because of my white skin I have received many privileges, almost all of which I have not earned.  I am a White Anglo-Saxon heterosexual Christian male.  I have no idea what it feels like to be lied to and run off of land where your people have lived for hundreds of years.   I have no idea how it feels to be an immigrant in a land with a strange language, or someone whose night walks receive locked doors, whispers, and the undo caution of worried passers by. I will never know what it feels like to be called a fag and spit on, or be judged for the value of my body and rated by the size of my breasts.

What conclusions can I draw about my heritage?  Thankfully the story of my life goes much deeper than the sum of my predecessors’ ignorance.  I am a unique individual.  I did not commit those past atrocities.  I am generations removed. I feel no personal guilt, but only introspection and sadness. My personal evolution is one of redemption and a changing heart.  Though unknown to me, I also have a genetic heritage.  You cannot discount my heritage any more than any other soul’s.  I am shaped and molded by my own story and strive for a prosperous future just like my neighbor.  No matter what color or nation or ideology we share, all people have hopes of making ends meet, feeling the touch of a loved one, or smiling at the joke of a friend.  We all share the color of humanity.

Why do you think you know the heart and mind of anyone? Because you see someone in a suit or on the street begging for food?  You must walk in their shoes and know the reasons for the person they have become.  Not all rich people are rude and uncaring.  Not all poor people are nice.  Religious people are not all fanatics but neither are they all saints.  Many people see life as one extreme or another.  For them, every event, perspective, and modern problem is a dichotomy—a definite truth in which they have the ultimate revelation.  I remember how Jesus looked at the crowd and felt compassion for them.  He did not judge them for being poor or hungry. He looked at the heart.

As I age I increasingly learn how much more I have to learn.  Just like everyone that has ever lived, I long to make a difference in my short time on this earth.  I hope, in the second half of my life, I do something to help the underdogs catch up with those they lag behind.  I hope I can help others see their own prejudices and convince them that change begins in the mirror.  I will do my part to help others see that it is not about color blindness, but about growing a heart that sees equality as a necessity.

 

May our hearts be ruled by tolerance, love, and compassion, not a pursuit of justice for those that don’t fit our mold. This may be hard for some to understand, and change is a long process.  May it begin with those of us who learn to see beneath the skin.

When I look at you, what do I see?

The Breath of Life

When the rhyme and the reason of life alludes us, we project our troubles on demons and grant our successes as the products of a righteous God. But the rain falls on every man.

Every breath brings us closer to the reality of our finite existence, but we savor each heartbeat and move forward, clinging to the hopes and dreams that pass our way—short triumphs and accolades, love and happiness when it comes around.  This love that carries us forward is what we cling to; love holds us to the earth, but also sets our feet on flights of fancy--love is infinitely more than a romantic notion—it breaks the chains of loneliness around our hearts.

What separates us from the beasts? This soul we possess is more than ghost and spirit; it is the power that gives us feet to run from a troubling past into the arms of a promising future.  It is the power that makes us cry at a soft melody and reminisce at times of past triumphs never to be revisited.  This soul gives us pause at a painted landscape and helps us contemplate each new sunrise.

 

I was there when my grandfather passed. I saw his spirit leave with his breath.  The energy and warmth of life left with him as well.  To where it passed is the mystery that we seek to understand.  But that spirit lives on in the living.  It lives on while we breathe and contemplate our existence.  It lives on in the soft embrace of the ones we love.  It lives on in the school children that laugh on playgrounds and in the smiles of proud parents as they rock their babies to sleep. 

This mystery of life and spirit is a gift to mankind by a graceful God, who knows the value of life and grants it to us daily in small measures that hide in plain sight. This is the life we have been given; all it’s good and bad and pain and promises are a part of the hand we are dealt. May we play it with all sincerity and carry the torch of life and love till our spirit escapes us, bound for destinations unknown.  

Go With The Flow

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen.” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I never cease to be amazed at the human spirit.  The ability to thrive in the face of adversity.  The ability to move on after tragedy.  What propels us on? What makes us move forward when all the signs of the times tell us that we need to stay in one place?  The world says find an area of comfort and stay there. Hunker down.  Enjoy your time.  Don’t make waves and don’t rock the boat.  If only it were that easy.

What gives you flow?  Is it finding an activity that stimulates your mind and beckons you to master it?  Is it creating a work of art, knowing no one else has ever seen it the same way?  Is it spending time with a loved one, feeling the sense that time stands still and savoring every moment with them?  Flow is an amazing thing.  It even appears at times when you have no energy or you “don’t feel like it.”  I remember times that I have not wanted to go the gym or work out and I told myself to “move it!”, only to discover it was exactly what my body needed. 

An abundant life is a series or ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. But every moment is to be experienced, both good and bad.  How can you take out the bad experiences and say you have lived a complete life? Without the bad, life would be a fairy tale and we all know those don’t exist. Life is a series of choices.  Those choices lead to situations that test us, try our patience, and show what we are made of to the world.  How we accept the challenges that come our way tells a lot about our character. 

I am in the midst of a job that I love.  Every day is a new challenge; a bridge I have never crossed. But the assurance that I am experiencing the life I was meant to live keeps me going.  Although there are many people smarter than me and more talented with much more experience, I relish the thought of being the underdog.  I get excited at the future and possibilities that lie ahead.  Sometimes I wonder if someone who is 46 years old should start a second career.  I was 10 years away from retirement as a public school teacher.  Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to coast through those years, retire at 55 and sit in my rocking chair awaiting death?  Possibly.  But that has never been the way I operated.

I relish each new challenge.  I get excited at facing things I have never experienced .  I love meeting new people, especially those who share an excitement for learning, for expanding diversity in STEM, and those who also cheer for the underdog.  As far as work goes, I have found the flow that I always desired.  I have found the career that gets me out of the bed every morning and helps me face the day, knowing I am making a difference.  I have many goals, and some days I am not sure I will reach them all. But my enthusiasm, my trust in God’s higher purpose, and my belief in the power of education to transform the world compels me to keep going.

Every day is a new day, a new challenge, and a new vision.  Every day is a chance to fulfill that journey I started over 20 years ago, when the first inclination to be a college professor entered my mind. I am at peace knowing I have reached the “beginning” of my journey. I am at the trailhead looking over the mountains to come.

I take a deep breath and move ahead, knowing each step moves me forward through this new life.  May I never lose this hunger for knowledge or this thirst for fulfillment.  May I never settle for coasting through life, always striving to meet every challenge that comes my way with perseverance and resolve.