Deep sorrow clings to you like a sticky sap.
No amount of cleaning will remove it.
Even though you know why it happened and
You feel like the right decision was made, it haunts you
and will never leave you.
I try to hold back the profound sadness but it comes back
in waves,
Out of the blue, unexpected yet so real that it blinds
you to happiness and joy and passion.
You want it to get better, but then again you feel
That you deserve the curse and the pallor that is your
sentence, your punishment.
Remembering the happiness is both a blessing and a curse,
For it fuels the supply of tears that are always ready to
burst forth.
Sometimes I feel like the sadness says more about my
weakness than my strength.
But I am who I am and maybe this weakness is a superpower
and a way to survive.
The grief will subside in time and the realization that
life continues
In small succinct ways, showing me that this is all part
of the arduous journey.
A trip that only ends when all pain and fear and sadness
are removed with eternal sleep,
But until then we must live and strive to overcome the
shadow that we have cast.
Knowing the decision was right does not move us toward
healing, but it must be rectified
So that our psyche can heal, so that we can
forgive ourselves of that which seems unforgivable.
Yet our humanness locks us in this prison of doubt for
which there is no escape,
Only hope that we can rise each day and move forward, trusting
that all our decisions
Will please the universe and bring some peace to our daily
existence.
There is no way out of the prison, only time served in
sadness, contemplation, and quiet thoughts.
May we come out of the other side of our self-imposed
punishment with hopefulness in our hearts and
Wisdom for the treacherous journey that awaits us.
There is no going back. Only time will heal the pain of
our choices and as we learn to forgive ourselves.
