Re-Igniting My Passions

I have to admit, I thought 2020 was a challenging year, but 2021 has pushed the limits of our collective sanity. I changed jobs and moved to a new city, far away from my home town. I worried enough for a lifetime in one year, and doubted myself and my abilities as a teacher, researcher, and scholar. Through it all, my wife has stood by me as always, and the move has been a refreshing change for both of us. My life is good, even though 2021 has made me re-evaluate what is important to me and what brings me joy.

I refuse to make resolutions, but I will select a theme for 2022 that will push me in new and powerful directions. My theme for 2022 is “Re-Igniting My Passions.” These include (1) weightlifting and fitness, (2) mental and spiritual well-being, (3) reading for both business and pleasure, (4) committing myself to better learn qualitative methods to strengthen my research, and (5) develop new skills related to music (specifically how to play my new mandolin that is collecting dust). I have many other sub-goals and priorities for my work and professorship, but these will do for now. What passions will you re-ignite in 2022? Blessings.

We Are All Prisoners

Trapped in our thoughts that gnaw away at time; bound to a clock that never ceases to spin.

The sentences are all different, as well as the crimes. The cells are of our own design. Some are bleak and shady and some are brushed with an eternal sunshine that never fades.

Yet we are all serving a sentence of death; it is the fate of all human flesh. We cannot stop it even if we wanted to. We can travel, entertain, and spend frivolously on our many pursuits, but in the end the cell awaits and calls to us.

Are we guilty for these crimes? For the crime of choosing to live? For the crime of choosing to be wrapped in flesh, led through the maze of childhood, and given a menu of life choices? It is both our punishment and our reward. We deserve much worse, yet we also deserve much more.

Whether the cell is desolate or decorative, it always ends up to be a place within our minds. Should we choose to live out this sentence, we must confront the choices we have made, put aside the regrets, and come to peace with how we have curated each step.

I think often of those with a death sentence, earned or not, as they contemplate the rope around their neck or their arm strapped to the chair. All they have are their thoughts, and though they may be free of their prison soon, regret will always be their fleeting thought as they fade into black.

How will you serve your time? How will you spend those days as you wander toward the inevitable? The mind is the last refuge of solitude, for it speaks to us in our time of need. Call on the gods and saints if you will, and maybe they will hear you in your time of trouble. But most of all make peace with your thoughts, for that is the only way to release the chains of bondage and set your spirit free of the prison walls.

The Railroad Man

Thirst overwhelms me as I watch the blur from the heat swirl and bend the steel before my eyes. Distant tracks waver and dance, distracting me from the task at hand. I have abandoned the thought of cooling off, and my only desire is to feel the slow burn of iced water in my throat; how great it would be to take it in right now.

A steam engine rolls to my right, wrenching and filling the air with its soot. Like a ghastly beast it carries its quarry to distant destinations and belches out steam as it passes by. Not only do I see it, but I feel its vibrations; like small earthquakes but all resonating from these coal-filled cantankerous behemoths as they stomp their way through the mine fields of metal.

This is my lot, to tend the railyards and track the laborious cargo to points unknown. Among the supplies and rations are soldiers from a distant land, frightened and in shackles; much like us but their blonde hair and blue eyes give them away.

A twinge of guilt fills the pit of my stomach, but this is my destiny. While soldiers storm the hills in treacherous battle and risk their lives, I tend the tortuous fields of gravel and heat to do my small part. They say my job is essential, that future success in this war relies on my grit, sweat, and faithfulness to my job. But still I wonder.

Off into the distance the steam train winds and sways and moves onward to the next mass of essential workers. My day is nearly done. But the morning will bring a new set of rattling cars, the reality of a distance war, and the bittersweet sensation of a job well done.

Grace in the form of a beautiful figure greets my greasy visage at the door with a glass of cold, clear water. A warm meal simmers on the stove. Sleep comes quickly; the long day of toil drifts away like clouds of steam.

Golden Years?

Most days are the same. The morning dreams come in rapid succession and often, but the waking result is the same…sore back, cracking bones, and slow movements through the haze. Coffee is the first refuge of daylight.

Looking back through the past is a journey of pain, triumph, and joy. But in these later years the losses cast a shadow that make the joys of forgotten days seem like miniscule victories; like a bitter pill that must be taken every morning with a little milk.

The decision to wake up each day and still feel that the world will change because of your contributions is the smoke and mirrors that keep us moving forward. The ability to put on a tie, produce a clean-shaven face, and tackle a world dominated by youth is an act of shear bravery.

As I watch the young, I view them with pity sometimes. Many of their hardships and sorrows are ahead of them…saying goodbye to loved ones, a failure at work, financial hardships that take a piece of joy out of their future hopes and dreams. Many have never faced hardship, but it is coming for them all.

Old men sit on porches and pontificate because they've earned the right to do so. Yet, I do not envy them. All they can talk about is what came before them and how things have changed…mostly for the worst. They are watchers of the world; their days of being movers and shakers have come and gone.

Then I see those that wake up with the same creaky bones. Who continue to serve each day in their 70s, 80s, and even longer. Those unique souls should not be the exception but the rule. I want to be like them, at least in spirit. As the years approach, I do not want to see it as the beginning of the end, but a continuing chapter of difference-making.

Yet, these achievements may look quite different in the glimmering and fading twilight. They might include sharing the stories of overcoming great disappointment and sorrow, leading the way for the next generation by handing off the experiences that were both a blessing and a curse to our humanity.

There is much work left to do. I will not board the ship that sails blindly into the sunset. Not yet.

The best may still be yet to come.  

The Tearing Away

When a place has been your home for so long, it does its best to stick close to you. It becomes part of the air you breathe, intertwined with your movement, motion, and daily routines.

When the time comes to journey onward it is easy to linger, to gaze at the familiar, even as the pain of loss grabs hold of you and seeks to keep you in perpetual limbo.

When the day approaches, it is best to rip the band-aid off and experience the pain all at once, for it will continue to eat at you and raise feelings of regret to the surface if you mull over what could have been.

When the move is underway, and the wind is at your back, do not look in the rear-view mirror, but keep your gaze on the open road, for that is where the possibilities are crystal clear.

When the newness shows its face, and confusion tries to grab hold of you and paralyze your every step, take a deep breath and know that a promising path is under your feet.

When the confusion subsides and the new world comes into view, do not long for the days of old, for they are no more. Close your eyes and feel the sun shine on the promises that have opened up to you, and know that a brighter future is one that you create piece by peace.

The Promise

All we have sometimes is the promise of the future;
The promise that there is more around the next corner.
 
The lure of the new entices us and lulls us out of our sleep;
We wake up to a new place, a new purpose, and a new set of priorities.
 
Sometimes our hearts need the jolt of the paddles;
To feel alive again and to know that our blood pulses with purpose.
 
The dusty roads that we leave behind are drenched in our sorrow and sweat;
The memories that we made will have to sustain us as we see the hill rise over the next curve.
 
New memories await as we traverse the miles and envision the tasks that pull us forward;
Familiar patterns will follow us as well – there is truly nothing new under the sun.
 
Soon we will be surrounded with the clutter and chaos of a new residence;
And in not so many days it will be resonating once again with mundane and familiar routines.
 
Past obstacles and bittersweet memories will join us for the journey;
Yet the way forward has been chosen and turning back is not an option.
 
When opportunities show themselves we must entertain them, for life does not offer that many;
We must pursue dreams with all diligence for they are the cultivated creations of a life well-lived.
 

Redemption

Life is a series of redemptions, if you live long enough to see them resolved.

Redemption = You can go back home again.

In middle and high school I was awkward, anti-social, and never seemed to get traction. I felt the same in college, but started to hit my stride my senior year and into my first year of teaching. I felt like the butt of everyone’s joke. Like they had it all together, but I was continually fumbling in the dark. This year I go back to my 35^th high school reunion as a professor of education. Here’s to that awkward, lanky, fumbling kid in the 80s. Maybe all that striving and pushing myself has paid off in my ability to produce teachers that see the beauty in those awkward lost souls.

Redemption = You can be a leader with the skills and vulnerabilities that you own.

In my first few years of teaching (in the same school where I was a clumsy middle schooler), there was a constant struggle between my newness, lack of confidence, and the disconnect between my educational ideals and the reality of the students I taught. Yet in my 4^th year, I was awarded Teacher of the Year. I struggled with ADHD and was not sure if I could be a teacher that lived with a confused and disorganized mind. But I kept going. After 18 years of teaching, I was denied a promised job at an education service center, but 8 years later taught a workshop at that same center. Leaving my high school job eventually led to a teaching position at a STEM-focused school, which directly led to my first job at the university level. Pain and growth were involved in all those transitions, but now my educational career has come full circle.

Redemption = You can give and receive love again.

In its 20^th year, a marriage ended that consumed all my strength, time, energy, and resolve. I felt like a complete failure, like I had ruined any possibility of being happy; that I did not deserve a second chance. Then I met my wife, who loved me even though I was living at my mom’s house and driving a mini-van. She saw a diamond in the rough. She helped me believe that I deserved much more, loved me for who I was, and followed my every step as I re-grew the courage to earn it all back. Now we will face new adventures, and she is still by my side.

Redemption = You can find the career of your dreams or build a new one.

In high school and college, I always loved learning, but never felt like the smartest one in the room. After earning my master’s degree, a few years later I took on the brazen adventure of earning my doctorate. Even after becoming a professor, I had much to learn but I never gave up. After 8 years, I thought my career as a professor was over. Deprived of the chance to apply for tenure at one university, I have the privilege and opportunity to earn my stripes at a new one. To show the world that even at 53, I have skills and years of experiences that I can bring to the table. I am excited to prove that I was destined to be a professor; it is my legacy and my mark on the world.

Redemption = You can discovery joy in life apart from religion.

In various ways, I have been fortunate to exhibit my love of music: serving as a music minister, performing in high school marching band, singing in church choir and as a soloist, and playing trumpet in a junior college stage band. It always seemed my life journey went hand in hand with my love for music, especially in the church. Then my divorce changed all that. After leading worship in a conservative congregation, I was told by judgmental religious folks I could no longer be a music leader. This event and many others led me away from the church. I fear I will never return. But my love for music continues as an avid collector of physical media and as a music enthusiast. Maybe I will even pick up a trumpet again someday. Music continues to be a major focus of my life, but I no longer feel the need to connect it to any religion. I now love music for its own sake.

In every phase of my life, redemption reveals itself in small and subtle ways. Sometimes second chances become third and fourth chances. But the power of redemption is the fuel that drives me forward. When I have nothing left to prove, I will be ready to retire; ready for the scrapheap of history. Someday I will arrive in that glorious moment when I have nothing left to show the world. Only then can I feel the right to take my eternal rest. Until that time comes, work must be done. Redemption must be paid forward to future generations. I strive every day to teach those who will come after me that one’s work is never complete until all the regrets of life have been discovered, uncovered, and resolved.

Redemption is a gift you give to yourself.

Purgatory

We are all waiting for the next big change to come our way; to break our view of the scenery that is perpetually in our point of view…

The next job

The next pay raise
The next child or grandchild
The next delivery

We are all waiting for relief from the drudgery of everyday life as we watch our friends on social media soak up the sun on a distant beach…

When will be my time to tan and enjoy drinks with tiny umbrellas?
When is the vacation from my never ending turmoil going to appear?
When can I leave this smog and pollution and breath the country air?
When can I take a break from my brain and find a space without constant introspection?

We are all waiting to know the future, good or bad or indifferent; to know the future is to break the cycle of gnawing indifference…

Time will not change the emptiness that fills each human heart
Time will not bring us any closer to immortality
Time will not soothe the wounds of an unfulfilled childhood
Time will not bring back the lost opportunities that haunt our sleepless nights

We are all waiting for life to begin; for the future to bring us a sign that there is much more to humanity than we were promised…but there is nothing more than what we see and what we build…

The next sunrise
The next smile on the face of those you love
The next career you nurture with your voice, your hands, and your mind
The next generation you mold with the abundance of love you collected through the years
The next sunset…and then the last

Greatest Hits Vol. III: 2018-2021

“I want to grow close to this beast, to understand it and match the heat of its intensity.

But it is not my friend. It tolerates me and expects me to give it more than I am willing to concede.

I cannot release it. It is too much a part of me to grant it freedom now.

So I move forward with resolve; fearful of what I have become.

Embracing this changling, this dragon-like beast that only a few years ago

Cowered in fear at the unknown world that I was creating.

As I accept the task at hand, I know a piece of me may be destroyed in the process.”

From The Dragon’s Heart (March 16, 2018)

“We cling to happiness like it is something we can own, but we know it really owns us. Happiness gives clarity to all that is light and dark, real and unreal, lasting and vanity.

Nothing is under our control, and that realization keeps us on our guard. It helps us to breath when we must and hold our breath when the air is too hard to take in.

All we can do is make confident choices that take us to the next plateau. We can push forward or we can allow the world to pass us by.

To be alive, we must give up all control, for in that abandon we find that love is the key to the opened door.”

From What Does it Mean to Be Alive? (May 13, 2018)

“You may not feel like you can affect someone every day, or move them toward greatness, but you will. You may inspire someone across the world that you will never meet, and never know the impact you had on them. This kind of lasting mark takes the faith to know that each hurdle is for a reason. And that reason could be that because you did it, others can follow in your footsteps. Be the one that causes people to stumble into greatness.”

From The Power of “One” – A Letter to ALL My Children (August 5, 2018)

“I picture my skeptics in the background with their ugly smirks, reminding me that I chose this life, so I should stop complaining; ready to break out their “I told you so” retorts when I have failed.

But rather than shrinking back or retreating, I push forward; knowing that there is always a chance I will fail, but clinging to the chances of success like a warrior preparing for battle.

I may fail, but if I do, I will not go down without a fight.”

From Crossroads (October 7, 2018)

“I will stand with you, strengthen you, carry your burden and

Retain the book of confidence for you, to read you bedtime stories

Of a little boy who crossed a great chasm,

Who fought dragons of internal despair and self-doubt,

And who emerged victorious at the end of your perilous journey

With an unbelieving backward gaze at all you have conquered.

I cannot write the story of triumph for you, but

I will always be there to carry your burden and read you the

Adventures of your life as you, in undying confidence and strength,

Write the next chapter.”

From If I Could Take Your Burden Away (October 23, 2018)

 

“Now knowledge is my canvas, and words are my paint as

I train others to see through the eyes of love and give voice to the silent.

 

Former passions have been replaced by new ones, as I embrace the blessings of bygone love

And watch children become teenagers and college-goers become dedicated adults.

I do not mourn their lost childhood, but cherish my new role as watcher and guardian.”

From Do Not Mourn the Past, But Embrace the Now (December 23, 2018)

“I have never sought a fight. I avoided it at all costs during my childhood. My modus operandi was to cut and run. Even into adulthood, my rocky marriage hit turbulence because it was easier to avoid a fight than to point out the approaching iceberg. But in the last few years, I have picked up my boxing gloves.

Funny thing about these fights - they have left me battered, bruised, bloodied, and beaten. But they have never left me defeated.”

From It’s a Street Fight (March 16, 2019)

“Embracing, as carefree lovers lost in time, grants us assurance that the sting of pain and

Suffering will not prevail; even death cannot shade us from the brilliance of our miraculous humanity.

Yet when we try to contemplate life’s glorious wonder, we are left speechless and can only sit in quiet silence and appreciate the steady beat of our hearts.”

From No Man is an Island (June 9, 2019)

“Creation

With our last breath the fears and regrets that once haunted us escape from our minds,

Yet linger still in the courage of those who come after us,

An inheritance brighter than gold or silver but nonetheless more valuable;

Dreaming of the unlimited stories they will create, with hills and valleys that are part of every journey,

Is the salve that heals our spirits and helps us send forth hope like a cannon shot.”

From All is Not Lost (November 19, 2019)

“Years ago I felt like it was a curse to be mediocre at many things. I thought I had to be a superstar in every area of my life—teacher, husband, dad, son. As a preacher once told me, “You can be perfect.” What a lie. In reality, my pursuit of perfection was exhausting.  There is no way we can be amazing at everything. No matter what life coaches try to tell us.

You may have heard the term “imposter syndrome” described as the feeling that you will never be good enough. It is pitched as something that goes away when you reach the pinnacle of success. But that could not be further from the truth. Every day when I roll out of bed and look in the mirror, I see an imposter staring back at me.”

From I Am the Okayest! (January 19, 2020)

“If God is Asleep…

What will be our greatest focus?

What will be our most frivolous fear?

What will be our lasting legacy?

If God is Asleep…should we even wake him?”

From What if God is Asleep? (February 11, 2020)

“Frozen in time

This icy state of indifference weighs heavily on the soul

Crushing the vital air from our lungs and making us long for the touch of another human.

Suspended animation

This cartoon-like existence impels us to ponder what is real

Living each day through our rhythmic routines and wondering when a sense of normalcy will return.”

From All Together Separate (April 4, 2020)

“As with so many other worried souls, I once believed that I was powerless, but now my reflection is coming into focus; the lessons I learned from traversing my treacherous paths now energize and refresh my aching feet.

When the night is dark and the rumbling that stirs in distant retreating formations slowly fades into tomorrow, I smile to know that the storms of my yesterday now give way to the clear skies that warm my face as I confront the coming day with virtue and resolve.”

From Dodging Lightning (May 10, 2020)

 

“Life floating by on wispy clouds as we remain tethered to the ground;

Completely in chains, yet free.

This isolation and emptiness are punishments it seems, a cruel prison sentence on those

That long to see the faces of other floating ghosts.

We know they are out there; we remember them

From the age of normalcy, as we cry out for a return to a time of rat races and ordinary stress.”

From We Are Ghosts (July 16, 2020)

INTERVIEWER: Would you consider yourself a great teacher?

TEACHER: Interesting question. But the answer is no, not particularly. In fact, I jokingly say that I “aspire to goodness.”

INTERVIEWER: Wow, I have never heard anyone put it that way. Explain “aspiring to goodness” for me.

TEACHER: I guess I should back up and say that I struggled as a student. There was always something holding me back. Later I found out it was a combination of lack of confidence, imposter syndrome, and my ADHD. Somehow, I earned “more degrees than a thermometer” as my dad would have said. But there was always a restlessness in me that held me back from being a great teacher --my thirst for knowledge, hobbies and collections, relationships, religion, music, and other distractions. Oh, I am not saying I didn’t have flashes of greatness; I think all teachers do. But I remember feeling in the last third of my career that I would rather be “good” than “great.”

From Aspire to Goodness (2032) (October 25, 2020)

“Life is about quality, not quantity. I have no aspirations of living to 100. All I want to do is increase the quality of my years. That includes my personal desire to become a better human being.

I refuse to let life lead me around like a stray dog on a leash. I know it owns me, but I want to feel the freedom to make choices about the direction where I will go. I want to explore. I want to find all the hidden treasures life has to offer. Most of all, I want to treasure all that I have.”

From GET BETTER (January 3, 2021)

“The meaning of life is what you make it. What you craft it into. What you design it to be. When you reach the end, it may appear in the eyes of the world to be senseless garbage. Or it might be a work of art crafted out of the tinsel, fluff, and trash of your life; like a toddler decorating a Christmas tree. It is messy. But just like a toddler, since you don’t know any better, it is the tree of your creation. Just like the toddler, you can smile and know you did your best. Even if the world only sees it as garbage. 

Take comfort in knowing that everyone is on a parallel journey to find meaning in it all.” 

From The Meaning (Making) of Life (January 24, 2021)

“Knowing you will not see it is not the source of the tears…but the realization that it WILL happen.

Life will proceed on with our passing;

More sights, sounds, music, love, pets, exciting scientific discoveries, and an abundance of great food

The tears are a realization that love is the source of all bliss for the future ones…and love will carry them forward and fill them to overflowing.”

From The Bliss of Life (March 5, 2021)

“Universe, you were created from a collection of dust and a mass of explosions billions of years ago, yet somehow you formed me, a sentient being, from that dust. A being that now struggles with the quality and deeper meaning of his life until I am returned to dust once more. Help me to realize that my brief spark of life has no particular meaning in and of itself, but I choose to create meaning out of this chaos.”

From Meaning Out of Chaos (A Re-Framing of the Serenity Prayer) (April 12, 2021)

“My hope is that everyone at some point in their life has this revelation. That they come to understand the commonalities of human existence and that we all have our battles, hardships, loneliness, and emptiness to fight. Some may not openly reveal it but it is there. Always there. There are no easy answers. There is no resolution or solution. There is only life, and breathing, and pain. But it is the glue that binds us to our brothers and sisters who share this blood and DNA.”

From There is No “Someday” (May 16, 2021)

There is No "Someday"

There is no someday…there is only today.

Someday my life will get easier.

Someday I will find that perfect job.

Someday I will be loved unconditionally by all like I deserve to be.

I had a revelation a few days ago. Up until recently I had this notion that life is one series of struggles after another, and that most of your life you spend trying to prove yourself to the world. Then, just when you think you have reached that “magical” place, you start all over again. Like a light on the distant horizon, you feel like you will arrive someday. But the light keeps moving further away from your view. But now I have accepted the fact that the struggle to prove ourselves will never end.

Someday I will get my finances in order and start saving money.

Someday I will eat right, exercise consistently, and take better care of my body.

Someday I will have confidence and believe in myself.

The point of this revelation is not to sink into a pit of despair. The point is to embrace this unknowing. To embrace the fact that we are all stumbling in the dark. That we are seeking this right path but many times we get trapped in the briars and cut to pieces. It is not easy for anyone. And if they try to tell you that life is easy, they are lying to you. Or they have not lived enough to experience pain and loss. Their time will come.

Someday I will find the perfect place to live.

Someday I will work for a boss that understands me.

Someday I will make a real difference in the world and make my mark.

My hope is that everyone at some point in their life has this revelation. That they come to understand the commonalities of human existence and that we all have our battles, hardships, loneliness, and emptiness to fight. Some may not openly reveal it but it is there. Always there. There are no easy answers. There is no resolution or solution. There is only life, and breathing, and pain. But it is the glue that binds us to our brothers and sisters who share this blood and DNA.  

Someday is your next breath and your next step…embrace the now and know that you are not alone.

Meaning Out of Chaos (A Re-Framing of the Serenity Prayer)

Universe, you were created from a collection of dust and a mass of explosions billions of years ago, yet somehow you formed me, a sentient being, from that dust. A being that now struggles with the quality and deeper meaning of his life until I am returned to dust once more. Help me to realize that my brief spark of life has no particular meaning in and of itself, but I choose to create meaning out of this chaos. Help me to discern the important from the unimportant; the things that give me joy from the things that keep me awake at night; those individuals who would see me at my best vs those that care nothing for my well-being. Give me the forethought to create a reality that makes a difference and gives hope and meaning to those I encounter. Give me the wisdom to know that I am not alone; many other specks of dust struggle with the meaning of their brief lives. And most importantly, help me realize that I can only change what I choose to change.

The Bliss of Life

That feeling when you just feel so blessed by everything surrounding you that you cannot express it in any way other than tears…tears that you have no control over…they just leak out from your abundance…an epiphany of realizing that all that has been created is at your disposable.

Nature

Sights

Sounds

Music

Love

Pets

Great food

It is all there at your fingertips and you are privy to such a time in history that we can enjoy it in all its glory and also see that a future will be raised up long after we leave this plane of existence.

A thousand unique sunrises

Mars landings and interstellar travel

Hearts broken and mended by love

Cures for devastating diseases

The hover cars we were promised

Loving furry companions

Food that comforts and satisfies

Knowing you will not see it is not the source of the tears…but the realization that it WILL happen.

Life will proceed on with our passing;

More sights, sounds, music, love, pets, exciting scientific discoveries, and an abundance of great food

The tears are a realization that love is the source of all bliss for the future ones…and love will carry them forward and fill them to overflowing.

Let the river of tears take us onward to destinations unknown, and feed the stream that gently escorts those we love forward into that bright and hopeful future.

  

The Meaning (Making) of Life

Everyone is in the process of “meaning making.” For each individual there is a quest for meaning, and their sole existence is about finding that object of worship, job they love, a spouse that will love them back, or a child that they can nurture and grow into a version of themselves. It is so easy to condemn someone for how they find meaning, and rightfully so. Many people hope to find their meaning through power. Through power they might be able to control the world. More possessions equal more control and their meaning making journey continues to be consumed by the accumulation of that power. They are deemed evil because the accumulation of that power leads them to nefarious actions – stealing, murder, betrayal. All those actions they feel will help them make meaning of this life.

We seek conflict. Even though we pretend that we hate it, we thrive on it. Because the absence of conflict leads to an empty void that we must fill. We dream of a utopia—a perfect world free of strife, anger, and confrontation. But once we arrived, we would make it into a second hell by introducing our necessary conflicts.

Seeking good is as much of a trap as seeking evil--trapped in a world where every action is necessary to find our meaning in perfect goodness. A perfect world that pleases our deity and brings us some reward in the next life. It is clear why religion is so addictive. It solves the riddle for so many that there must be a meaning greater than what they see. There has to be more. And that quest leads them into resolute crusade of good works--seeking out evil and squashing it; making sure that evil deeds and individuals are identified, converted, and led down the same path of meaning making as them.

I recently discovered  -- not necessarily a profound revelation – that most of life is boring. Most of life is eating, planning our work, working, more eating, some pleasurable activities, then sleep. Then the cycle starts over each day. Different versions of this reality exist for every person on the planet. An extremely small percentage of our life includes those activities that bring us happiness. We would love to fill every waking spare moment with them, but even those activities bring us no joy if performed consistently and without purpose. We also seek the thrill of adventure – pushing our bodies in physical performance, climbing mountains, games, and sports. But each of those activities also become a part of the regiment of daily routines. Each activity brings us brief fleeting joy. When we don’t find meaning in this recreation, confusion ensues because we can't understand how these adventures never add anything substantial to our quest for meaning.

So what is the meaning of life? That is an impossible question to answer. It is not just a stopover on the journey to perfection, utopia, and enlightenment that many believe it to be. It is also not a hell that we build by our own hands; misery created when the means we have justified meet their ultimate consequences by the laws of society or common sense. The meaning of life is “meaning making.” So it appears we are back where we started. 

The meaning of life is what you make it. What you craft it into. What you design it to be. When you reach the end, it may appear in the eyes of the world to be senseless garbage. Or it might be a work of art crafted out of the tinsel, fluff, and trash of your life; like a toddler decorating a Christmas tree. It is messy. But just like a toddler, since you don’t know any better, it is the tree of your creation. Just like the toddler, you can smile and know you did your best. Even if the world only sees it as garbage. 

Take comfort in knowing that everyone is on a parallel journey to find meaning in it all.    

GET BETTER

So many times when setting goals, I feel obliged to use descriptions like “the best” or “excellent” and put down outrageous numbers, but in reality I always do better when I make them simple. So for 2021, my theme is simple: GET BETTER.

Yes, I know this sounds simplistic, but I want to be better in so many areas of my life.

*I want to get better as a researcher (including methodology and writing skills).

*I want to get better at taking care of my body and making healthy choices about food and exercise.

*I want this country to get better at taking care of its most vulnerable citizens; I want to reflect that in my teaching and research and do my part to help our nation heal.

*I want to get better at making sure everyone in my immediate circles know I care and feel the love I have for them.

After the multitude of tragedies we experienced in the past year, I have to get back to feeling hopeful and optimistic. I want to get back to believing that what I do makes a difference. I want to get back to making personal connections with people and do all I can to lead and mentor those that need me.

Life is about quality, not quantity. I have no aspirations of living to 100. All I want to do is increase the quality of my years. That includes my personal desire to become a better human being.

I refuse to let life lead me around like a stray dog on a leash. I know it owns me, but I want to feel the freedom to make choices about the direction where I will go. I want to explore. I want to find all the hidden treasures life has to offer. Most of all, I want to treasure all that I have.

In the bigger picture, we will never “get better.” All humans are on track for the same fate. So I might as well make sure the quality and richness of my journey is one that I will fondly remember when all is said and done.

I challenge everyone to GET BETTER with me!