Redemption

Life is a series of redemptions, if you live long enough to see them resolved.

Redemption = You can go back home again.

In middle and high school I was awkward, anti-social, and never seemed to get traction. I felt the same in college, but started to hit my stride my senior year and into my first year of teaching. I felt like the butt of everyone’s joke. Like they had it all together, but I was continually fumbling in the dark. This year I go back to my 35^th high school reunion as a professor of education. Here’s to that awkward, lanky, fumbling kid in the 80s. Maybe all that striving and pushing myself has paid off in my ability to produce teachers that see the beauty in those awkward lost souls.

Redemption = You can be a leader with the skills and vulnerabilities that you own.

In my first few years of teaching (in the same school where I was a clumsy middle schooler), there was a constant struggle between my newness, lack of confidence, and the disconnect between my educational ideals and the reality of the students I taught. Yet in my 4^th year, I was awarded Teacher of the Year. I struggled with ADHD and was not sure if I could be a teacher that lived with a confused and disorganized mind. But I kept going. After 18 years of teaching, I was denied a promised job at an education service center, but 8 years later taught a workshop at that same center. Leaving my high school job eventually led to a teaching position at a STEM-focused school, which directly led to my first job at the university level. Pain and growth were involved in all those transitions, but now my educational career has come full circle.

Redemption = You can give and receive love again.

In its 20^th year, a marriage ended that consumed all my strength, time, energy, and resolve. I felt like a complete failure, like I had ruined any possibility of being happy; that I did not deserve a second chance. Then I met my wife, who loved me even though I was living at my mom’s house and driving a mini-van. She saw a diamond in the rough. She helped me believe that I deserved much more, loved me for who I was, and followed my every step as I re-grew the courage to earn it all back. Now we will face new adventures, and she is still by my side.

Redemption = You can find the career of your dreams or build a new one.

In high school and college, I always loved learning, but never felt like the smartest one in the room. After earning my master’s degree, a few years later I took on the brazen adventure of earning my doctorate. Even after becoming a professor, I had much to learn but I never gave up. After 8 years, I thought my career as a professor was over. Deprived of the chance to apply for tenure at one university, I have the privilege and opportunity to earn my stripes at a new one. To show the world that even at 53, I have skills and years of experiences that I can bring to the table. I am excited to prove that I was destined to be a professor; it is my legacy and my mark on the world.

Redemption = You can discovery joy in life apart from religion.

In various ways, I have been fortunate to exhibit my love of music: serving as a music minister, performing in high school marching band, singing in church choir and as a soloist, and playing trumpet in a junior college stage band. It always seemed my life journey went hand in hand with my love for music, especially in the church. Then my divorce changed all that. After leading worship in a conservative congregation, I was told by judgmental religious folks I could no longer be a music leader. This event and many others led me away from the church. I fear I will never return. But my love for music continues as an avid collector of physical media and as a music enthusiast. Maybe I will even pick up a trumpet again someday. Music continues to be a major focus of my life, but I no longer feel the need to connect it to any religion. I now love music for its own sake.

In every phase of my life, redemption reveals itself in small and subtle ways. Sometimes second chances become third and fourth chances. But the power of redemption is the fuel that drives me forward. When I have nothing left to prove, I will be ready to retire; ready for the scrapheap of history. Someday I will arrive in that glorious moment when I have nothing left to show the world. Only then can I feel the right to take my eternal rest. Until that time comes, work must be done. Redemption must be paid forward to future generations. I strive every day to teach those who will come after me that one’s work is never complete until all the regrets of life have been discovered, uncovered, and resolved.

Redemption is a gift you give to yourself.