Change from the Inside Out

“Although I would like our world to change, it helps me to appreciate those nights and those dreams.

But my friend, I’d sacrifice all those nights, if I could make the Earth and my dreams the same.”

~ Creed

I want so much to change people. The broken characters in recent movies show me their fatal flaws. Some are worse than others.  I may even secretly wish for their death.  I want others to be like me:  listen to my music, feel what it’s like to long for social change and not know where to start, and understand my approach to solving problems.  I guess I want a clone of myself. I want even one person to understand me. But these efforts are fruitless.  In general, everyone seeks approval. We struggle and fight to be understood. We post pleas for understanding on Facebook and are disappointed when the number of “likes” is low.  I am learning that this constant appeal for approval is misguided.  It is a rat race, a dead end.  So how must we conduct our lives in this respect?

I first want us to consider how we became the person we are today.  I also want to consider the very evident fact that we are not where we want to be. When I say that I realize that there are individuals who are content with themselves and the possibility of them changing is not extremely high. So in my discussions, I am not referring to those human beings. I am speaking to those of us who choose to learn, grow, adapt, and improve each day. 

Our present situation and mindset is a combination of our genetic programming, our upbringing, the education we have chosen (and sometimes endured), and the choices we have made. It is also a product of the way we have faced adversity and how we came out on the other side.  We know many of our own positive attributes and a few of our faults; the faults being infinitely more hard to swallow. When we are young, it is natural to be focused inward, on meeting our physical needs, and worrying about our future. As we age and settle into a career, our thoughts must go deeper as we seek higher goals.

We daily look in the mirror, and see this person, and then we move away.  Do we hope for more, besides a little more hair or one or two less wrinkles?  I think the reason superheroes appeal to us is because they have powers that we envy:  superstrength, X-ray vision, eternal life, or super speed.  We want to be superhuman.  We want to be so much more than this lump of flesh with a finite shelf life and an expiration date that is largely unknown.  But we must come to grips that we are not superhuman. It is sobering, but it a part of who we are as the human race.

So what can we change?  Can we overcome our intense desire for acceptance?  Can we make a difference in our short time on Earth?  I think we can.  But having said that, I cannot obsess over the person I am not, only strive a little each day to be an improvement. Find a social cause and do what you can to get involved.  Look outside of yourself and help someone less fortunate than you.  Set a goal for yourself and meet it; a fitness goal or a life change that can be an inspiration to others.  Don’t worry so much about pleasing others or your Facebook status.  Your personal thermometer should include two things:  have I strived today to be a better person and have I helped someone in need. It is fulfilling to our souls, our faith, and our duty to mankind.

It is a process of introspection, a daily test of self-evaluation and goal setting. It should be as natural as the air we breathe.  It is not a mandatory part of living. We can choose to stay where we are. But it is worth the struggle to move up the hill to view a place where we can be. Having said that, I realize that the process of becoming involves three steps forward and two steps back.  It is a rocky mountain climb. But we must strive to continue moving upward. May we always make decisions that please heaven and give us rest, knowing we are making progress toward the person we want to become.  For those worried you are being selfish in this process, consider that Jesus said we must love our neighbor as ourselves, implying we must first get the affairs of our own conscience in order before we can be of any benefit to others.

The mark of a difference made is not changing the world, because so few of us will.  We may make a name for ourselves in our careers, add to a body of knowledge, and have our 15 minutes of fame, but that success may be short lived. The mark of a difference made is when we fold our hands to leave this world, can we put our regrets to rest and have we proved to our self and others that this life is worth the trouble?

Growing Up: It’s Not What You Think

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so.  Now that I am fifty, I read them openly.  When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."~C.S. Lewis

How do you know when you have officially grown up?  Is there a magic age when you realize your potential and start acting maturely, showing your God-given potential, and expressing your values clearly to the world?  Is there a time when you feel good in your own skin, when you can approach your imperfections with humility, and seek improvements without self-condemnation?

Balance is something that many individuals desire but never achieve.  Becoming fit without becoming too prideful in our appearance. Becoming a good example of our religion without coming across as pious and losing sight of social issues that exemplify our religion.  Becoming knowledgeable without appearing a know-it-all or unteachable.  Achieving personal and lifetime goals for the right motives, not to prove others wrong. 

I am currently at a point where I am reflecting on my first 45 years.  There have been mistakes and many learning experiences.  Professionally I have reached the goal that I strived for my entire life.  So where do I go from here? How do I rebuild myself in this new career from the ground up? I am constantly torn between riding the status quo and coasting or pushing myself into new territory. I am convinced that the best way to learn something new is to be made to do it. Learning a new language.  Deciding what should be the focus of my research.   Even preparing a new dish in the kitchen.  I want to be a lifelong learner.  I want to be a reader in a television world; a poet in a world of novelists.

What does it mean to be comfortable in your own skin?  Does it mean that we never have to make improvements? Does it mean we are confident that we have arrived, that we have nothing else to learn?  I think it means that we don’t panic when we see an extra pound or two on the scale. We just get back to the gym and start counting calories.  I think it means that we can take constructive criticism without falling into depression but also without completely discounting the critique. It means we carefully weigh decisions and have enough confidence in ourselves to pull the trigger.

Many people live their whole lives for that Mt. Everest moment.  Once they have jammed their flag in the summit, their lives are essentially over.  They have no more goals.  They cannot reinvent themselves.  I don’t want to be that person; always living in the past.  Neither do I want to be the person that lives with the scars of regret.  In the end, I want to be the kind of person that has lived…really lived. But I want to enjoy the ride and be able to laugh at myself as well. Our life is a mystery, but it is no mystery that maturity will always allude us if we take ourselves too seriously. 

Every day is the chance to climb a new summit, meet a new challenge.  May I always be ready to say “What can I learn today?” “How can I be a better person today than I was yesterday?”  But may I also be able to look in the mirror and know that I am stuck with the image I see.  I am who I am; imperfections and all. Maturity is not marked by a specific age, and it is always about the journey, not the destination.

Maturity means looking in the mirror and smiling at the person you have become, while reflecting the hopes of the person you want to be.

Color Blind: The Truth in Black and White

“To be truly positive in the eyes of some, you have to risk appearing negative in the eyes of others.” ~Criss Jami

I am becoming increasingly aware of how we judge people by their appearance without considering the person underneath. We are all guilty.  It is something in myself that I am trying to be aware of and change by considering the value of all human beings.  Ironically, I may even be judged by the color of my skin because it is white.  Some look at my skin and think they know the person inside.  My past generations have made many stupid mistakes. Because of my white skin I have received many privileges, almost all of which I have not earned.  I am a White Anglo-Saxon heterosexual Christian male.  I have no idea what it feels like to be lied to and run off of land where your people have lived for hundreds of years.   I have no idea how it feels to be an immigrant in a land with a strange language, or someone whose night walks receive locked doors, whispers, and the undo caution of worried passers by. I will never know what it feels like to be called a fag and spit on, or be judged for the value of my body and rated by the size of my breasts.

What conclusions can I draw about my heritage?  Thankfully the story of my life goes much deeper than the sum of my predecessors’ ignorance.  I am a unique individual.  I did not commit those past atrocities.  I am generations removed. I feel no personal guilt, but only introspection and sadness. My personal evolution is one of redemption and a changing heart.  Though unknown to me, I also have a genetic heritage.  You cannot discount my heritage any more than any other soul’s.  I am shaped and molded by my own story and strive for a prosperous future just like my neighbor.  No matter what color or nation or ideology we share, all people have hopes of making ends meet, feeling the touch of a loved one, or smiling at the joke of a friend.  We all share the color of humanity.

Why do you think you know the heart and mind of anyone? Because you see someone in a suit or on the street begging for food?  You must walk in their shoes and know the reasons for the person they have become.  Not all rich people are rude and uncaring.  Not all poor people are nice.  Religious people are not all fanatics but neither are they all saints.  Many people see life as one extreme or another.  For them, every event, perspective, and modern problem is a dichotomy—a definite truth in which they have the ultimate revelation.  I remember how Jesus looked at the crowd and felt compassion for them.  He did not judge them for being poor or hungry. He looked at the heart.

As I age I increasingly learn how much more I have to learn.  Just like everyone that has ever lived, I long to make a difference in my short time on this earth.  I hope, in the second half of my life, I do something to help the underdogs catch up with those they lag behind.  I hope I can help others see their own prejudices and convince them that change begins in the mirror.  I will do my part to help others see that it is not about color blindness, but about growing a heart that sees equality as a necessity.

 

May our hearts be ruled by tolerance, love, and compassion, not a pursuit of justice for those that don’t fit our mold. This may be hard for some to understand, and change is a long process.  May it begin with those of us who learn to see beneath the skin.

When I look at you, what do I see?

The Breath of Life

When the rhyme and the reason of life alludes us, we project our troubles on demons and grant our successes as the products of a righteous God. But the rain falls on every man.

Every breath brings us closer to the reality of our finite existence, but we savor each heartbeat and move forward, clinging to the hopes and dreams that pass our way—short triumphs and accolades, love and happiness when it comes around.  This love that carries us forward is what we cling to; love holds us to the earth, but also sets our feet on flights of fancy--love is infinitely more than a romantic notion—it breaks the chains of loneliness around our hearts.

What separates us from the beasts? This soul we possess is more than ghost and spirit; it is the power that gives us feet to run from a troubling past into the arms of a promising future.  It is the power that makes us cry at a soft melody and reminisce at times of past triumphs never to be revisited.  This soul gives us pause at a painted landscape and helps us contemplate each new sunrise.

 

I was there when my grandfather passed. I saw his spirit leave with his breath.  The energy and warmth of life left with him as well.  To where it passed is the mystery that we seek to understand.  But that spirit lives on in the living.  It lives on while we breathe and contemplate our existence.  It lives on in the soft embrace of the ones we love.  It lives on in the school children that laugh on playgrounds and in the smiles of proud parents as they rock their babies to sleep. 

This mystery of life and spirit is a gift to mankind by a graceful God, who knows the value of life and grants it to us daily in small measures that hide in plain sight. This is the life we have been given; all it’s good and bad and pain and promises are a part of the hand we are dealt. May we play it with all sincerity and carry the torch of life and love till our spirit escapes us, bound for destinations unknown.  

Go With The Flow

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen.” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I never cease to be amazed at the human spirit.  The ability to thrive in the face of adversity.  The ability to move on after tragedy.  What propels us on? What makes us move forward when all the signs of the times tell us that we need to stay in one place?  The world says find an area of comfort and stay there. Hunker down.  Enjoy your time.  Don’t make waves and don’t rock the boat.  If only it were that easy.

What gives you flow?  Is it finding an activity that stimulates your mind and beckons you to master it?  Is it creating a work of art, knowing no one else has ever seen it the same way?  Is it spending time with a loved one, feeling the sense that time stands still and savoring every moment with them?  Flow is an amazing thing.  It even appears at times when you have no energy or you “don’t feel like it.”  I remember times that I have not wanted to go the gym or work out and I told myself to “move it!”, only to discover it was exactly what my body needed. 

An abundant life is a series or ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. But every moment is to be experienced, both good and bad.  How can you take out the bad experiences and say you have lived a complete life? Without the bad, life would be a fairy tale and we all know those don’t exist. Life is a series of choices.  Those choices lead to situations that test us, try our patience, and show what we are made of to the world.  How we accept the challenges that come our way tells a lot about our character. 

I am in the midst of a job that I love.  Every day is a new challenge; a bridge I have never crossed. But the assurance that I am experiencing the life I was meant to live keeps me going.  Although there are many people smarter than me and more talented with much more experience, I relish the thought of being the underdog.  I get excited at the future and possibilities that lie ahead.  Sometimes I wonder if someone who is 46 years old should start a second career.  I was 10 years away from retirement as a public school teacher.  Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to coast through those years, retire at 55 and sit in my rocking chair awaiting death?  Possibly.  But that has never been the way I operated.

I relish each new challenge.  I get excited at facing things I have never experienced .  I love meeting new people, especially those who share an excitement for learning, for expanding diversity in STEM, and those who also cheer for the underdog.  As far as work goes, I have found the flow that I always desired.  I have found the career that gets me out of the bed every morning and helps me face the day, knowing I am making a difference.  I have many goals, and some days I am not sure I will reach them all. But my enthusiasm, my trust in God’s higher purpose, and my belief in the power of education to transform the world compels me to keep going.

Every day is a new day, a new challenge, and a new vision.  Every day is a chance to fulfill that journey I started over 20 years ago, when the first inclination to be a college professor entered my mind. I am at peace knowing I have reached the “beginning” of my journey. I am at the trailhead looking over the mountains to come.

I take a deep breath and move ahead, knowing each step moves me forward through this new life.  May I never lose this hunger for knowledge or this thirst for fulfillment.  May I never settle for coasting through life, always striving to meet every challenge that comes my way with perseverance and resolve.  

Hope: For the Best

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast;

Man never Is, but always To be blest:

The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,

Rests and expatiates in a life to come.”

~Alexander Pope, from An Essay on Man (Epistle 1) 1733

I have always wondered what the expression “hope springs eternal” means.  Pope, in his thick 18^th Century English prose, tries to explain how the world is ordered by the providence of God.  He talks about how man cannot see the plans of God because of the limits of our vision, but he believes God is in control even when the world around us feels out of control. 

Finding this section of the poem got me thinking about this strange phenomenon of hope.  It is powerful yet elusive. I have had hope at many times in my life, but at times it has been shattered.  Lately, I have been very hopeful about the future, but always wondering about the specific details and my part in it. I want to believe it will always get better, but the fatalist inside me says “maybe it won’t”. The truth is sobering:  we don’t know if it will get better.  My out of control finances may fall deeper down the slippery slope of indebtedness.  My health, which is quite good at the moment, could change at the drop of a hat.  So telling people “It will get better” is just short of a lie, but what are the alternatives?

There is always “Life sucks and then you die.” That will really cheer them up.  How about “Keep your chin up!” Again, not exactly reassuring.  Plus, you are likely to run into something while looking at the sky. Finally, you could throw out this one “Life is short. We are not promised tomorrow.” Again, not particularly effective at generating a sense of hope. The truth is pretty plain:  It will get better or it will not get better. So before you get totally depressed, let’s change gears and look at it from a different perspective.

Hope is something that you cling to like a life raft when you are swimming in the ocean and the sharks are circling. Hope is what makes you roll out of bed in the morning when your feet hurt and the birds are singing outside, but you don’t particularly feel like singing.  Hope is what makes you get dressed for that job that you hate because you know someday you will be going back to school to pursue your dream.  Hope is fed by the warmth of loved ones and the warmth of sunshine on your face as you walk through the woods.  Hope doesn’t promise tomorrow but it makes today worth living.

I know the Bible says “Now abide these three: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.” I believe that, but I also believe that love is the glue that holds our hope together. We can have hope without love, but when love is present, it binds hope together into an unbreakable bond; for those who are loved have the confidence that love is eternal, and we know that to be true (especially for a Romantic such as myself).

Hope breeds optimism.  Hope looks forward and keeps our feet moving in the positive direction. Without hope, man would be a pitiful creature indeed.

Never lose hope, for the future, whether it is bright or not, is just around the corner and we must face it with all confidence if we are to finish victorious and without regret in this maze we call life.

Don't Know Much About History...

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana

I have to admit I have never been a student of history.  It never appealed to me as much as science and technology.  I am mostly a future-oriented person when it comes to the field of education:  How can I help students prepare for their future careers?  What skills do students need to make them productive citizens?  What are the important learning outcomes that will be beneficial to students when they leave high school and go to college?

However, in recent months I have begun doing a lot of reading about the past.  Specifically, I have been reading accounts of African Americans and how they dealt with slavery and post-Civil War society.  The main authors I have read are Frederick Douglass and W.E.B. DuBois.  One thing I am learning to appreciate about history is that people in the past times made mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes were huge.  There were life-changing attitudes that enslaved an entire race and made them blind to the possibilities of other men being equal to them.  They believed lies and stereotypes and let fear rule their communications with those that were different than themselves.  Some proposed that one race was superior to others and used “scientific” evidence to back up those beliefs. 

It is clear that many had good intentions and believe they were good people who were doing the right action at the time.  In hindsight we see their mistakes and it is easy to judge them.  Then it hit me.  Will future generations look back at us 100 years from now and say the same thing about us?  “What were they thinking?” “Can you believe they thought that to be true?” “How could any rational person propose such a solution to that problem?”  For that reason, I am learning to understand people in the past in light of the time, the culture, and the surroundings.  This by no means excuses their behavior.  How can you say a man is good when he owns slaves and uses racial slurs when speaking about them? But I am trying to understand the reasons for their actions.

I also realized my own imperfections, biases, and prejudices (yes we all have them) and I began to wonder how I would have acted in the same situation.  It is easy for us to be pious and say “I would never have done what they did.” But we have no idea how we would have reacted at the time.  The key, I am learning, is to try and understand the heart of mankind.  The heart of man is imperfect; full of frailties and hatred and misunderstandings and, most of all, fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of stretching out a hand to help those who are different according to society’s standards.  I want to understand all perspectives; not to excuse the behavior but to understand how it could have happened.  

Racism is not all about black and white, it is about knowing and understanding your fellow man, as W.E.B DuBois said well in 1903 and it still rings true today, "Herein lies the tragedy of the age: not that men are poor--all men know something of poverty; not that men are wicked--who is good? not that men are ignorant--what is Truth? Nay, but that men know so little of men." I am learning more about the heart of racism and discrimination to help understand the perspective of underrepresented groups, such as African Americans, Hispanics, Native Americans, and women.  In the area of education, these groups have experienced profound changes in the past century. Learning about the way they navigated these changes, and still navigate them today, helps me to understand how we can show them a brighter future and help them catch up in the world of education.

There are also a number of people who based their theories and actions on, what we now know, to be faulty information.  One of those individuals was Lewis Terman.  The famous Stanford psychologist is responsible for the IQ Test and the majority of the standardized testing protocol used in modern educational psychology testing.  He refined the idea of a longitudinal study. But under the surface of his success was a belief in eugenics.  He felt the white race was superior in intellect and breeding to all other races.  He used scientific analysis and research to prove his point. Even today we see differences in IQ scores between the races.  But what amazes me even more is that we take for granted that the whole system of intelligence testing could be flawed because of his untrue beliefs.  As a society and as individuals, we cannot just accept the research of the past and continue to build a system of education based on the lessons of individuals that came before us.  We must not accept their beliefs as “gospel” and the status quo.  The main factor that attracted me to stereotype threat research is because it gives possible explanation to the differences in academic success between Whites and African Americans.  It may not be the whole solution, but it is a start.

I guess what I have learned from history is that we are making history right now.  We have the power to change it for the future.  We have the power to change our thinking and understand a race different than our own.  We have the power to rewrite some of the past historical failures that have haunted us.  Will it be easy?  Of course not.  But change is never easy.  As Frederick Douglass said “Without a struggle, there can be no progress.” 

We make the changes that are necessary.  We write and rewrite history every day.  Make it memorable.

Embracing the Human Experience

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” ~Karen Kaiser Clark

Loneliness.  Fear.  Stress.

These are words that come to mind when faced with a new situation.  Many people cower in fear and refuse to face these changes. I recently have moved from a medium-sized town to a huge city.  Adjusting to a new environment is hard to describe.  You see people you don’t know.  New grocery stores.  A new gym.  However, perspective is a worthwhile teacher and I know I have come to this new location for a higher purpose.

So what should I do? Hide in my apartment and sink into depression and despair, lamenting over my new home.  Or do I accept it?  Take it in stride? Embrace it?

Our lives are filled with both joyous and devastating events.  We may experience the birth of a child and the death of a loved one in the same week.  Both experiences take adjustments, although death will also be filled with grief and sadness.  New environments take responding to.  New experiences demand that you focus on them, fight through them, and accept them as they are.

Recently I have been trying to connect on Facebook with former friends and many of the students that I taught for the last 21 years. In the past, I noticed that I tried to send requests to those that were just like me (white, male, heterosexual, Christian).  Recently I decided the send requests out to all sorts of friends, students and acquaintances (black, female, gay and non-Christian).  Do I appreciate their perspective or necessarily agree with everything they say or believe?  Of course not.  But to embrace the human experience I want to see it from their eyes.  I want to understand how they think and feel, so I can empathize with their experiences as well.

For some reason we think that people are different in a big city, but I have experienced so many nice people already.  They say “excuse me” at the grocery store, they talk to you at the park, and they move things for you at your new job without grumbling.  They experience life like you do.  They put their clothes on the same way.  They laugh and cry and experience pain at the loss of the things they care about.  In the end, humans are much more alike than we are different.  I am a Christ-follower and I am not ashamed of that, but I want to understand the perspective of these who are not. 

The bottom line is this:  embrace life.  Embrace its joy and its pain.  Embrace the sadness and the loneliness.  Embrace the unique perspectives of those who are not the same as you.  Celebrate the accomplishments of those around you and cry with those who mourn. As much as I want to run a marathon, climb a mountain, or win a Nobel prize, very few individuals accomplish those things.  I can, however, experience life to its fullest by embracing the triumphs as well as the obstacles that come my way.

 

I have chosen this new life as a college professor, so I must experience the pain of being away from ones I love and adjusting to a new environment.  To do this, I must trust in the strength God has given me.  The only alternative is to not reach the potential that I know I have inside me or to check out of life and chose not to change and grow.  Personally, I chose to grow, struggle through the uncomfortable feeling of new things, and find that potential. 

Failure is always a possibility, but I will never know triumph unless I embrace the possibility of failure, which means accepting my own frail humanity. 

Embrace the experience of living. It is worth the effort!

A Brave New World

“Some may say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one…”~ John Lennon

Very soon I will depart for a new chapter in my life.  A new world that is scary and exciting at the same time: The Metro-Plex.  After five years of blood, sweat, and tears I recently finished my doctorate and I will begin my first job in higher education at the University of Texas at Arlington.  I go from teaching at a high school of 600 to teaching at a college of over 30,000.  I have an apartment lined up and my office is being prepped for my loads of books, pictures and diplomas.  The nervousness and butterflies have started and the realization of the magnitude of this change in my life.  But with nervousness comes great excitement.  My fear does not stem from the feeling of wondering if I am making the right move. I have wanted to work in academia for over 20 years.  I have 100% assurance that I can do the job and I have been “called” into this second career at this stage of my life.

Some feel the call to ministry, others to foreign diplomacy or politics, social work, medicine, or military service. Some feel the call to teaching and make that their life’s work.  My calling involves teaching, but it is much deeper.  I have the gift of encouragement and a love for science that was reflected in my 21 years of teaching.  I want to share that gift with the current and future teachers of science and mathematics, the gatekeepers of our nation’s students who will maintain our innovation and help us persevere as one of the most powerful countries in the world.  I want to help inspire students to become the future scientists, astronauts, and doctors that we will need for the next generation.

I also am for the underdog.  I always have been.  If I had lived in Europe in World War II I would have been killed for helping the Jews.  I would have been a staunch abolitionist calling for an end to slavery during the Civil War.  I would have marched with the women who demanded the right to vote.  Finally, I would have helped sustain the civil rights movement of the 1960’s with great fervor. But those times have passed.  How can I make a difference right now? I still support the rights of the underdog and the downtrodden.  In the fields of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM), that primarily includes females and minorities.  I could write for days about why they need advocates at every level, but there is not room in this blog.   Let me just say that there is a great need for America to produce more engineers and scientists and we need to develop them from within our own schools.  

I sometimes feel I have no power to make changes in racism and discrimination in America, although I long for a way to get involved.  So I have chosen this field to enable female and African-American scientists, engineers, and STEM teachers to find their calling and make a difference.  My gift to them is empowerment:  the ability to prosper in a field that is exciting, lucrative, and beneficial to the world in numerous ways.  Empowerment, hope, and encouragement through education is my way of changing the face of racism and discrimination for the underdogs of our world.

Will I change the world as much a march, a rally, or a picket sign? I am not sure, but I know I am doing my part to help the next generation build a better world.  This is my life’s mission…my calling.

Maybe I am naïve, idealistic, or a dreamer, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one.  Pray for me as I enter this brave new world of opportunity and change. 

How to Know if You are a Zombie

“Did you exchange…a walk-on part in a war…for a lead role in a cage?” 

~Pink Floyd from Wish You Were Here

Humans will never fly.

No one will ever climb Mt. Everest.

It is impossible to run less than a 4 minute mile.

We will never make it to the moon.

We will never find a cure for polio.

Mars is out of our reach.  We should just forget it.

There is a show that I occasionally watch, but usually just while I am channel surfing.  It’s called “The Walking Dead” and I know some people are completely addicted to it. Sometimes I stay and enjoy the story and plot, but when the “walkers” show up, I am on the move to find something like Andy Griffith to clean out my short term memory.  For some reason I stayed on a certain episode today. For devoted fans, it was the one where they entered the Centers for Disease Control and found out the nature and origin of the disease.  As a science teacher (one that actually attempted a unit on zombies), I was intrigued at how the zombies came to be.  Without getting too deep in the science, let me just say that the disease or virus kills the individual.  But some part of their brain “awakens” after a few hours. It is mostly the brain stem, the part that controls unconscious actions.  Thus the walkers are, in a sense, alive but not really.  They function only to move and feed and are exactly what the title suggests:  walking dead.  The only way to kill them again is to destroy that part of the brain.

What intrigued me most was not the brain science, but the attitude of the individuals who were trying to survive.  The CDC was wired to explode in a ball of fire when its power reserves ran out, and the sole surviving CDC employee was ready to go up in flames and take the survivors with him.  The survivors knew that outside were starving zombies, but for some reason they could not buy into the idea of choosing a quick and easy death to avoid the conflict outside.  I left the house for a while to clear my head of zombie images. After walking and jogging at the track, I started to understand the strength, perseverance, tenacity, and courage of the human spirit. 

A teacher fighting a diagnosis of cancer after being told there is no hope.  An athlete pushing herself for the next race or a faster time or a new goal. A college student barely scraping by with a part-time job and mounting college loans to become a doctor.  A mountain climber reaching the top of Mt. Everest and saying “What next?”  An astronaut taking “one small step for mankind.”  A paraplegic striving to walk again even though science says it’s impossible.

As the Pink Floyd song describes, there are many individuals who choose to live their lives in a cage and never strive to get out.  It is comfortable in the cage; no unknowns to fear. “Just give me my food and water and TV remote and make me comfortable and I will be just fine.” All the while, the key to the cage hangs nearby, ready to secure their freedom.  Only a few brave individuals choose to open the door and take their part in this war called life.  When you enter a war, there is great possibility of death at every turn. But there is also the key--the key to independence.  As I write this on July 4^th, I will not forget the ones who fought in many wars to gain our freedom. They chose to truly live to give us life, sometimes at the cost of their own.

So in the end, it is important to check yourself.  Are you in the multitude of the walking dead? Or are you in the minority… in the small but dedicated group that chooses to strive for more against all odds.  As long as there is hope, there will always be a human spirit that seeks to climb the next mountain, cure the next disease, or meet the next goal.

Unlock the cage.  Join the land of the living.

Legacy

Springs of hope well up and give me peace to face this journey

For the purpose we were placed here--a bigger meaning clouded by uncertainty and a lack of confidence.

The place and time for our legacy is at hand---were we made for something bigger than ourselves?

The portrait unfolds before us--a mess of colors and shades and irregular lines

An unfinished portrait that waits for each stroke to add meaning to emptiness and order to disarray.

Is it a mystery for us to solve or a door rising in front of us--what is our mark on this calendar?

I stand in awe  as the purpose is revealed and all is made clear--there is a time and place for all things great and small.

We are not an accident--we are the legacy that we leave--the footprints and purpose of a life well-lived.

Originally Written 3-28-10

That's a Good Question?

For this blog, I simply present a series of questions.  I don't need or expect an answer from anyone. They are only to provoke serious thinking. A few of my Facebook friends have contributed a question or two, including my son Caleb. These questions are intended to make you think and to cause your brain to hurt. You are welcome:-)

1. Does suffering mean we are not in God's will, or is it a normal part of everyone's life?
2. Why are Christians afraid to speak to those who are different from themselves, including homosexuals, Muslims, Jews, agnostics, and atheists?
3. Is driving a big SUV or throwing a piece of trash out of your car window a sin?
4. Why is it so easy for people to stereotype others and believe stereotypes?
5. Which are bigger sins: (1) alcoholism and drug abuse or (2) gluttony and obesity?
6. Why are people so scared to meet in the middle on important social issues, instead of always being polar opposites and not budging from their positions?
7. Is it fair that two people are in a car accident and one is taken and the other one lives?
8. Is it reasonable to pray to God for your favorite sports team or for that big promotion at work when you pass a homeless person and ignore them on the way to see that team or go to your job?
9. Why are so many people of different faiths all 100% sure they are going to heaven, but they also are all 100% sure that ones in religions other than their own are not?
10. Why do we tell people all they need is Jesus to hold them, when they are lonely, abused, or sad and begging for the touch of another human being?
11. What happens to people after this life who have never heard the gospel because of geographic isolation, their government's policies, or a rigid social structure?
12. Can creationists find common ground with evolutionists in the area of environmental policy, sustainability and stewardship?
13. Can Christians and non-Christians work together for causes that are mutually beneficial to humanity and the good of society?
14. Is the gospel hard to fathom because of its simplicity; in other words could it really be that easy?
15. If the Earth was not created in exactly 7 24-hr days, does that mean that the creation of our world is any less amazing?
16. Is it possible to show your faith through being the best at whatever you do and pushing yourself to improve every day?
17. If God made man in His own image, how can any Christian call themselves a racist?
18. Were the Beatles oversimplifying life when they sang "All You Need is Love," or is love really the glue that holds the world together?
19. If Jesus returned on a Sunday morning, would he appear in the mega-church or in the streets talking to the homeless?
20. Even though we have amazing technology, are we any more connected to people than we were 100 years ago?
21. Since all cultures have music in common, could it be used as a tool to unite all cultures?
22. Is it immoral that the United States throws away millions of pounds of food every day, but we have millions of people starving in other countries?
23. Is the quantity of life (years of life) any more important than the quality of life (life in your years)?
24.  Is perfectionism ever possible; in other words is it possible for anyone to be 100% perfect in all areas of their life?
25. Why does life always produce more questions than answers?

Why I Love (and Hate) Running

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
~John Bingham

Running is a lot like life. You run at your own pace. You are prepared, but nervous and cautious about the road ahead.  It has a beginning and an end. In running, you know the course set out before you, but the course is different every time; there are different people around you each race and you may also have different weather conditions. You could have a new pair of shoes or a new playlist on your mp3 player. But the goal always remains: to reach the finish line.

I did not start out as a runner. I arrived kicking and screaming (or more like walking). When I lost around 55 pounds in 2008, I did it by cutting my food intake in half and walking about 3 miles a day. Walking is easy. It is what nearly every human does every day. You just put one foot in front of the other, and to go faster you move your feet faster. It's not rocket science. And, even though I was a fairly slow walker, I still completed a number of races: about six 5K's, 2 10K's, and even a half marathon. But I came to learn one very important fact about walking: no matter how fast you walk, there is a top speed that is easily reached by a normal, albeit quick, stride. (I am not including power walking or race walking, a sport at which it is very difficult to not look silly). So I came to realize that I had to join the ranks of the runners.

I started out running with more of a slow jog. I used the track at a local school and ran the straight areas and walked the curves. It was painful at first. My shins, ankles, and calves resisted this new motion. It seemed unnatural to my linebacker-shaped body (and it still does). But I persisted. No matter how quickly I ran, I could not pass my 17-year old son, who seemed to take amusement at watching me crawl along behind him. But like the tortoise in the great fable, I persisted. I am still slow; the physics of rate and speed are not sympathetic to me. Along the way, I found out there is a name for people my size who run: Clydesdales. I am not sure whether I should be offended at this title, as it denotes a huge, slow, prancing horse. Upon further analysis, I realized they are large, yet proud creatures that get the job done. So the name is fitting for me.

In 2012 I did my first run/walk 5K. My time was slow (although I would like to blame it on the fact that I missed the turn-around "cone").  I kept training and did another run/walk with my son a few weeks later and finished quicker than I thought. Since then, I had hoped to beat the time I set on that race. I have yet to beat it, but I went ahead and scheduled another race: The Leprechaun 5K. I trained hard and ran timed trials for myself every two weeks or so, but always along the trip I stopped a few times and walked to catch my breath. In my first run/walk 5K, I had run the whole first mile, a feat in itself and a first for me. I seriously thought that was my threshold, a mark I would never pass. I never dreamed that I could run a whole 5K.  But a week or so before my last race, I put it in my mind that I could run the whole race, at whatever pace I could muster.

From the first gun, I knew I had to try. I set a pace and kept chipping away, bringing up the rear along with a 70-year old man and a number of walkers and women pushing strollers.  Around the half-way point, I started to doubt myself. Fortunately, pain in my shins and legs was masked by adrenaline and self-will. Approaching the last half-mile, I was encouraged because I had kept up with the 70-year old and I passed him in slow motion right before the last downhill stretch, the theme to Chariots of Fire running through my mind. Then it was all downhill...literally... the road sloped downward to the finish line for the last quarter mile. As I moved across the finish line, I felt like I had run a marathon. And maybe it was a marathon for me.

The severe pain in my back, legs, and shins persisted for a number of days. But it was worth every step. Training for a run is hard and the pain on this 45-year old body makes me wonder why I do it. But the challenge of the next race, and the hope of beating my own time in the process, keeps me going. I guess I am hooked. I still enjoy lifting weights because it comes easy to me and it seems safer; my comfort zone of an exercise plan. But the draw of the next race keeps my fitness on track, my weight in check, and my sense of adventure on high alert. I love the results of running as it matches my goal-setting personality and strokes my sense of self-achievement, but I hate the pain it causes on my body. However, nothing can take away the great sense of completion you feel after a race. Crossing the finish line is a thrill that I cherish and will always enjoy.

And even if I finish every race in last place, I am still ahead of those watching on the sideline or resting in their easy chair. So to paraphrase the weightlifting adage, when it comes to running, my mantra reads "Some pain, much gain."

See you on the road...I'll be the tall guy running at the speed of a proud tortoise....

Feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at mcdsparks@gmail.com.

Who Do You Think I Am?

“You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5 NIV

From the time we are born, we begin building a reputation for ourselves. We are shaped by the forces of life around us, our parents and friends’ influences, and the choices we make. Along the way, we face hardships that make us think about ourselves, the kind of person we are, and the kind of person we are growing to be. Those around us are always watching, making guesses and drawing assumptions about the person they believe us to be…at least in their minds. Then we mess up, and it is easy for them to categorize us, pigeon-hole us, and weigh the sentence they will impose on our lives. For some, we are cursed by the choices we have made. We are made to live in a social dungeon, in a prison of failure. It does not matter if we repent or keep on doing stupid things; those former choices could shape the perceptions of those around us until we fold our hands in rest. 

Is that the end of the story? Or are we much deeper than they want us to be.

Smugness is easy for some. It is so much easier to believe in black in white, in a good or bad person, or a fulfilled or wasted life. It is easy to assume that we know the motives behind people’s choices, even though we have not lived their lives, or walked in their shoes, or seen the world through their eyes. How can we hope to understand them unless we search deep into our souls to find out the depths of depravity that we all may hold inside us? We are all one step away from a wasted life, a haunting choice, or an economic catastrophe that makes us destitute or even homeless. We cannot change the family we were born into, or the country in which we were raised. Circumstances and the choices of others around us can also lead us to where we are today.

Am I excusing the bad choices some of us make? Of course not.  Justice for crimes we commit is not only necessary but also required by God and society.  I am saying that compassion and reason should rule our lives. We should use Christ as our example. He even prayed for those who were literally crucifying him.  He saw the person, but did not judge them to be a lost cause or without hope. How can we not give everyone else the same courtesy that Christ gave them?

So when you look at me, do you think you know the person that lies beneath this skin? I am a person of imperfection, but with a tender heart that sees the good in others, and even in myself. I have made choices I regret and I have to live with those, but they do not shape me. They do not sentence me to an eternity of nothingness or a life of constant repentance and self-deprecation.  I must move forward. And I must not let your assessment of me shape the rest of my life.

When people reflect on me at the end of my life, many will not like what they saw. Many will think they know the person that lies beneath the soil. But only God will know that heart, and will decide if my life is worthy of resting with him. I give my life to Him and ask that he see the original choice I made to follow Him. May I only seek his approval, and leave all others to their judgments.

In the end, tears will be shed for me…tears of anger or regret or of love.  But my hope is that He will wipe all those tears away…for whatever reason they are shed. 

Feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at mcdsparks@gmail.com.