Man in the Middle

“One of the criminals who were hanged there was hurling abuse at Him, saying, "Are You not the Christ? Save Yourself and us!"  But the other answered, and rebuking him said, "Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation?  "And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong."  And he was saying, "Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!"  And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."  Luke 23: 39-43

I am a Christian. I have many beliefs that are not popular with fundamentalist views, but neither am I resigned to the drone of atheist naysayers. Both sides have the right to speak, and they both raise their voices like a sounding gong. In the middle is where I sit.  Waiting. Listening.  Hoping the clamor will cease.  But it never does. Why can’t I turn and run to one side or the other?  Why can’t I latch on to the certainty of a side and hold on tight.

Both sides clench tight to their ideologies, blinded by knowledge.  Both sides try to outscream the other.  Both sides snear and turn their heads, sticking their fingers in their ears and humming a tune like immature children on a playground.  Many people appear to meet in the middle, like boxers.  They shake hands, but then go back to their corners before proceeding to beat each other to a bloody pulp.

I always go back to the person of Jesus.  A man on a cross, hanging there for us.  Between two thieves arguing over their crimes.  Jesus speaks blessings on one and is silent to the other. Why is that so? Then it hit me.  Humility.  The criminal who begged for mercy was humble, to the point of asking for blessings even though he was just as guilty as the other man.  Jesus was always a man in the middle.  He was caught between the emptiness and fickleness of the crowd, following him for a mouth full of bread, and the Pharisees blinded by their own righteousness.  I sometimes wonder where I would have been.  Was there anyone else in the middle in Jesus’ time? 

The disciples, for whatever reason unique to each one, stayed with Jesus.  He had the answers.  He had the “words of life.”  They had nowhere else to go. To leave Jesus was to leave their source of strength.  To leave him meant disappearing into the crowd or parading around the temple in fine robes. Either choice was unacceptable.

Recently, I have learned that I ride the middle of controversial issues so many times.  I want to make both sides happy.  I want to keep the peace; to be a peacemaker.  Although it is not a comfortable place to be, that is where I choose to stay.  It is painful, like a teacher breaking up a fight between two bullies, catching the brunt of their anger.  The balm that soothes my heart is the phrase “I see your point.”  I don’t expect them to change, because bullies rarely do. But the hope of communication and lasting peace is more than pie in the sky.  It is the hope of all mankind. Throughout history we have failed to make peace materialize. But I will never give up.

I am not talking about Utopia, because I don’t believe it exists. But I do believe in the peaceful innocence of two small children walking hand in hand, and pray that someday we may find the peace of a small child in a world full of bullies.

Are you a Ragamuffin?

“And Grace calls out, 'You are not just a disillusioned old man who may die soon, a middle-aged woman stuck in a job and desperately wanting to get out, a young person feeling the fire in the belly begin to grow cold. You may be insecure, inadequate, mistaken or potbellied. Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted.' Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted.” ~ Brennan Manning

The Rich Mullins biopic “Regamuffin” was not what I expected.  It was not a movie specifically about Rich Mullins, but a movie about all of us. Those of us beaten down by life.  Those of us who have felt the pangs of death, faced the ravages of our bad choices, and who have experienced grace first hand. I had heard that Rich was rough around the edges, but that was an understatement. He was far from perfect. He smoked, had a tendency to drink excessively, and had a problem with language.  He always looked disheveled, almost homeless.  If he had wandered into a church today, he might not have been welcome (kind of like Jesus).  He did not play by the rules and he was not even sure what the rules were. 

I came out of the movie a little confused. Aren’t we supposed to worship people in the media, even Christian artists? With their shiny CD covers and their world tours, aren’t they immune to pain. Aren’t they prayed-up, confessed-up, slickly dressed little church-goers.  I believe the movie helped me not to see Rich as some kind of martyr or a saint that I could follow and emulate. I saw him as more human than I ever believed.  I see his reflection when I look in the mirror.  But he came to understand grace, especially after meeting Brennan Manning and realizing how much God loved him. As he sang in Everyman,

“And the Lord looks down and He understands

The world draws up it’s lines,

But at the foot at the cross there is room for everyone.

And love that is not blind

It can look at who we are and still see beyond

The differences we find….”

The movie was extremely emotional, with portions bordering on ecstasy as I listened to renditions of his wonderful music by the actor who portrayed him. I tossed and turned the night after the movie, wondering what the primary message was supposed to be. I finally came to this one-word conclusion:  grace. It is the most powerful and misunderstood gift that the Father has given us. And it is available for everyone.  The movie also reminded me that I am not perfect, but I am loved.  If that is the gift that Rich gave us in his short 42 years, then his life has meaning beyond his music.  May love guide my life and may I always do what my heart tells me, just as he did. At the height of his music popularity, he chose to leave Nashville and pursue a dream of serving American Indian children with the gift of music. He lived his own life, as rough and unpopular as he might have been with even some in the Christian community. I am thankful for his life and legacy and for the opportunity to experience grace, like everyone who has ever been born.

I am a ragamuffin. And it’s OK. All of us are, even if we don’t know it.

The Reality of Loneliness

When evening draws to a close, and the night’s silent whispers

Bring to mind the emptiness of the night, I wish for the arms of my love

And hope that those arms will bring me warmth and peace

Loneliness is common to every man, a stalking beast with a split personality

Sometimes leading us toward a sense of terror and despair but at the same time

Giving us comfort from the world’s noise; how can that be?

What I learn from being alone is to enjoy the quiet and disappear in my thoughts,

To dream of past and future; to wonder what might have been and what will be.

Loneliness is a silent partner that speaks the loudest in your heart.

How can we be lonely in a crowd of thousands; why don’t those faces bring us comfort,

Knowing that their hearts beat just like ours and they seek the same things?

Somehow a veil hides the truth; we somehow worry that loneliness is unique to us.

Kingdoms rise and fall, yet great men and women of power and prestige 

All share the common emotion of loneliness at one point in their lives.

Comfort may come in many forms, some destructive and some in a lover’s embrace.

Loneliness is a chronic illness that shows itself even in times of great joy and great happiness

Like a tank of gas that has to be replenished, love is the only thing that can fill that void:

Love of a mighty God, a soft voice, or the children of your inheritance, all these may be used as a salve for this disease.

We must all face the beast, but know that time alone is both a blessing and a curse.

Make of it what it needs to be; a time of reflection and review; a time of hope and strength;

Know that it will come and go, but fill the emptiness as you must.

When the morning shines anew, loneliness fades with the newness of hope.

How Do You Know?

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~Albert Einstein

As I have said before, this life produces more questions than it does answers. As soon as we accept that notion, the more understanding we will be of other people and their personalities, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. In the last few months I have run into statements that beg the question “How do you know?”  I will present each statement and then discuss my thoughts on that mentality.

I am not racist.  Many people believe racism is dead just because we elected a Black president. I would love for that to be the case.  I believe racism, sexism, classism, and all its filthy counterparts are alive and well in America. They reside in the hearts of anyone with a beating heart.  However, there is quite a difference between being racist, and being a racist.  All of us harbor feelings about other races that surface at times when we least expect them, untrue beliefs about individuals and what they stood for, and stereotypes taught to us at a young age. But we can change and grow.  For example, I recently read the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I had heard that he was a hate monger and preached violent revolution.  Although the first few years of his time after prison were marked by radical thoughts and feelings toward whites as being evil, his views changed drastically the last two years of his life. But you would only know that if you read and discovered these facts by yourself.  I guess my point is that you should not judge someone without the facts.  You should also believe that anyone, because of the fact that they are human, can harbor some feelings of racism. We must weigh each thought and action and strive to see all others as equals. It can be a struggle, but we are all capable of change.

I am a ____________________(teacher, preacher, mother, father, lawyer, etc).  My profession is teaching. I have a gift for it and I have taught all the way from middle school to my present job as a college professor.  But that does not define me completely.  I am also a father and a Christian and a son.  All of those facets of me shine forth at different times in my life. If I believe that if I am defined as just a teacher, then I miss the chance to grow and develop those other parts of my life.  When you ask a woman what she does and she responds, hanging her head, that she is just a stay-at-home mom, that makes me sad. Mainly because she has put herself in a box and defined herself in those terms. She should be proud of her position and it is a worthwhile job indeed.  I love my kids, but the reality is that they eventually grow up and develop a life for themselves, and your interactions with them will wane.  If you define yourself as just a mother and the kids grow up, you have limited your ability to change and grow the other areas in your life that are hidden, and you may fall into depression when they move out.  So don’t define yourself by any one category. Change the definition of who you are constantly, like a moving target, so that no one define you or think they know everything about you. That is your gift to yourself.

I could never do_________________because that is not who I am.  Whether it is good or bad, never say that you are not capable of something. Many people say they are incapable of great sin or failure and, when it happens, they are so surprised.  They have discounted the fact that they are human beings with a tendency to screw up. No one is immune.  People also limit themselves because they feel something is not within their personality or present abilities.  Whether we want to accept it or not, everyone can change. Are you the same person you were in high school?  I hope not. So don’t discount the fact that you might be able to do something great and new. Run that marathon. Get that additional degree. Prove to yourself and others that you are capable of much more than they or yourself ever thought.  I am living proof that your personality changes and your abilities can change as you age.  Five years ago I had nearly given up on my life and on being healthy.  Now I have a doctorate and exercise at least 4 times a week.  You can change. Give yourself that opportunity. Be a lifelong learner and be willing to learn by forcing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. That is the key to growth.

This is what I heard...  Never believe anything unless you find out for yourself.  Read a book.  Watch a movie.  Do some library or Internet research.  In the Malcolm X book, he talks about the fact that he never trusted anyone 100%.  The most he would ever trust anyone was 75%.  That is a good policy to have. Many people put too much stock in “man” instead of finding out for themselves.  Do not let anyone rule you or push you around. Think for yourself. If you want to know the truth about a person’s life, read their biography.  If you want to know about a subject in more detail, don’t just ask others, but seek and find the answer for yourself.  Open your eyes to the possibility that there is something you don’t know. Be an explorer and discover the truth.  In many ways, it will “set you free”.  Also, don’t believe things about yourself that you know are untrue. In the court of public opinion, others may crucify you, but inside your heart you know the kind of person you are and no one can change that. If your reputation has been scarred, start building a new one.  Prove to those who don’t believe in you that you still believe in yourself.

I am a Christian, and this is what that should look like.  In my life as a Christian, I have changed a number of times.  I was Catholic growing up and changed to the Baptist church in my early twenties.  In the last 25 years, my view of the church has changed in many ways. In the last couple of years, I have come to realize that Christians come in many shapes and sizes and with a range of beliefs related to the church and Christ himself.  All I know is that I am a follower of the person Jesus Christ.  Be nervous of anyone that comes to you and says “This is the way a Christian needs to be…and there is no variation.”  I love meeting Christians of other denominations and talking with them about their faith. I also want to talk to other faiths and learn about their traditions.  That does not make me less of a Christian.  I just want to see the perspective that others have about life and how they live out their faith.  In the end, as Christians, we have to make up our minds about how we will follow Jesus, and it will constantly change and evolve the longer we live. Finally, don’t blame the church for its failures in the past. Know that churches are run by imperfect individuals with a propensity to fail.  Go back to the teachings of the man known as Christ and your faith will be renewed.

Some of these comments may offend my readers.  So I remind you that these are my beliefs. Make up your mind for yourself if you believe them or not.  But most of all, use your mind when making decisions in life. Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t ever believe you have arrived. Most of all, don’t put yourself in a box.  You are so much more to yourself and the world.

A Letter to Dr. King (From a White Brother)

“The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.  We cannot walk alone.” 

~Martin Luther King, Jr. from his I Have a Dream Speech

Dear Dr. King,

It has been over 50 years since your famous speech.  I was not born until 1967, so I missed all of the Civil Rights movement. I was still in diapers on that fateful day when you left us too soon.

I would have loved to know you. I can see us sitting down for coffee and talking about the fate of mankind if hate continued to rule the day; to hear the stories of how you marched and gave speeches and prayed for hope.  I wonder what you would think about the progress we have made for racial equality.  There are hundreds of streets named after you; one in at least every major city.  We have a national holiday set aside in your name.  A day to remember.  A day to serve.  We elected a Black president in 2008, a great sign indeed.  But there are many roads to cross and many miles to go before your dream is realized.  I think you would have hoped for so much more.

Unemployment and crime are still too high.  A staggering number of Black men populate the prison systems. Black females are not given equal footing in employment.  Education, though better, is still segregated by income and location.  Black children are denied an equal education in many parts of the country.  Racism is still an ever-present reality, though now it lurks in the shadows and hides in plain sight.

Many have tried to attack your legacy by labelling you as a troublemaker and by reminding us that you had sins and failures as a man.  I choose to ignore those comments, because I have had my own failures.  I am an imperfect Christian just as you were and have made my share of mistakes, but that does not discount my legacy any more than it did yours.  I overcame those failures in my life and earned a doctorate in 2013.  Now I can use my knowledge and experiences to do research on Black students pursuing science careers and also train future science and math teachers who are sensitive to the needs of many races and cultures.

I cannot speak for the rest of the nation and the world, but one of the greatest changes has been within my own heart.  I confronted my demons and stared my stereotypes and prejudices in the face.  I cannot say they have all been conquered.  They still rear their ugly head at times.  But I have learned how much privilege I have because of the color of MY skin. I also realized the profound difference I can make in this world by growing in the strength of my empathy, listening to the stories of those scarred by racism, and doing research into the lived experiences of Black college students, scientists, and science and math teachers.  I am also reading every piece of literature I can find about the Black experience.  It will never be enough, but it is a start.

Finally, I am auditing a class at my current university called Intro to African American Studies.  On the first day of class, I felt the reality of psychologist Claude Steele’s theory of stereotype threat when I walked into a class of 36 Black students, one Asian student, and one very White guy (me).  I wondered if I belonged there and I wondered what you would have thought of my being there. I have come to realize that you would have applauded my presence. Just the fact that the class is allowed and welcomed on the campus is the first victory. The second is that I can stand with my Black brothers and sisters and experience their culture firsthand. It was hard not to cry the first day of class, as I considered what a privilege it was to be there.  I look forward to learning and growing the rest of the semester.

There are many people that I would love to meet who have gone on before us, and you are one. As a Christian, we both believe the day will come when we can share our stories for eternity. I look forward to meeting you and shaking your hand.  Thank you for your legacy.  May we repay you by working tirelessly so that your dream will not be in vain.

Sincerely,

Dr. David Sparks

January 20, 2014