Peace, Be Still

"There's a peace I've come to know....Though my heart and flesh may fail.
There's an anchor for my soul....I can say 'It is well'". ~Chris Tomlin

Many years ago, fresh out of college, I took a job as a summer youth minister. I had heard that youth ministers were supposed to do lock-ins, so we scheduled one for the middle-school and junior high students. They showed up in droves (not sure how much that is but I know its a lot!). I believe over 50 students showed up. It is not an understatement to say that tweenagers are rambunctious and energetic. About 3am, I was at my wit's end. I hid in an office area for 30 min and took a cat nap, but the mayhew and noise continued into the morning hours. Then I had a revelation. These kids needed to know how to have a quiet time (I was young but I wasn't stupid). We talked briefly about quiet times, read some scripture and then I made them listen to "Peace, Be Still" by Al Denson. You old school Christian music fans will remember that song. Within two minutes of the song playing, the majority of the little darlings were asleep and stayed that way for nearly two hours.

This story reminds me of the peace that God promised us. Peace in the midst of a storm. Peace in dire circumstances. Peace in the middle of our failures and feelings of inadequacy. Peace. It is so elusive to some, but we know when we have it in our grasp. The ability to enter God's rest. To know that everything has a purpose and it will all work out no matter what we do or don't do. Knowing that someone else much more powerful than us has it under control and has everything taken care of. We can only sense that peace when we get still and put everything in perspective. It's an amazing feeling. But how do we get there? Is there a magic formula?

Recently we experienced a lot of rain. However, today it is cool and the sun is shining. I have already forgotten the dreariness of the clouds and rain and all I see is the sun shining and I can feel the cool air on my skin. The pain is gone. The sunshine has changed all our sorrow into joy. Will the rains come again? Of course they will. But so will the sunshine. And knowing that the sun will shine again makes the rain bearable.

So when peace comes does it stay forever? I would love to say that is the case, but that is not the way life works. When the rain is falling, all hope of sunshine is blurred by the rain. Peace is a mindset; a perspective that has to be renewed occasionally as we remind ourselves that all is well.  It is sometimes elusive and hides when we desire it the most. But it eventually appears when we we least expect it, just like a ray of light as it peeks from behind the clouds after days of rain. The sun is shining. All is well.

Get What We Deserve?

"All you need is love." ~The Beatles

Do any of us deserve to be loved? That's not an easy question. If you mean deserve in the sense of what we have done to earn love, maybe so or maybe not. If we don't "feel" loved, does that mean that we are not loved? Some of us spend our entire lives trying to answer this question. When I look at the life and legacy of Christ, again the picture is unclear, but I think it leans in favor of a resounding "No!". We don't deserve God's love because of what we did to Christ and because of the nature of our sinful lives. But he still loves us.

There have been many times I felt unloved. In the loneliness and quiet I experienced after my divorce, I felt as unloved as I have ever felt. I am a Christian so I know the verses that tell me I am loved. But did I deserve to be loved at that point. The world might say no, especially if they disagree with the whole idea of divorce. Does the alcoholic deserved to be loved by God? the overeater? the perverted? the thief? the "fill in the blank" sinner? Common sense says that they have messed and up and deserve everything that comes to them. But many things in the Christian life are not common sense. Common sense says we don't deserve to be loved. But Christ flipped everything we know about love upside down. He said he loved us anyway. He said he wanted fellowship with us. He said that we don't deserve to be loved, but he loves us in spite of ourselves. THAT is amazing and confusing and exhilarating all at the same time.

For the Christian, heaven is the eternal leveler. I was thinking about what I might say in heaven to those I had wronged or those who had wronged me, but all I could visualize saying is "No matter what happened in our lifetimes, it does not compare to this place. All is forgiven." There is no more drama or tears or worry or fear or diets or stairmasters or pain from losing a loved one. Only eternal joy and unadulterated love in its purest form.

So the answer is not as easy as it sounds. We do not deserve to be loved, but we are loved just the same. So that compels me to love others and be loved by others since we are all on the same level playing field when it comes to love. So when someone says they love you, don't cower your head and flog yourself like a monk. Say thank you and take it...and give it back to them the best you can. The only thing we will take with us into the next life is love. That includes the love of ones we have enjoyed on Earth and and the love that compels us toward the light of eternal and everlasting love-- a loving hand that invites us into His presence. I AM loved, whether or not I deserve it!!! And that is a gift in and of itself.

Worth the Pain? Becoming an Everyday Superhero

"All gave some...and some gave all" Billy Ray Cyrus

Do the names Viola Gregg Liuzzo, Vernon Ferdinand Dahmer, Jonathan Myrick Daniels, Rev. James Reeb, Rev. Bruce Klunder, or William Lewis Moore mean anything to you? These are not household names and most aren't famous in the world's eyes. All of these are non-Black martyrs in the Civil Rights movement. I think its interesting to study the lives of individuals that gave their lives during the 1960's and especially those who chose to give their lives for a cause that did not directly affect their race. It intrigues me that they would sacrifice so much and take themselves into harms way to help uphold the right to vote and basic human equality.

Reading their short biographies made me think about how I would have responded. I hope I would have had the courage to stand with up the Black protestors and fight for basic human rights. I like to think I would have been in the midst of the cause, walking with the lines of protestors and being taken to jail with the crowds. Will I ever feel so passionate about something that I would be willing to risk my life for it?

Last weekend I watched a movie with my son called Act of Valor. It was a realistic account of the type of combats and missions conducted by Navy seals. I left the movie with a greater appreciation for the sacrifices our soldiers have made and continue to make every day. It reminded me of the police officers, firemen, and others who risk their lives to protect the public from crime, catastrophe, and chaos. I love being a teacher, but rarely do teachers give their lives in the line of duty (although it has happened at times such as Columbine). Lately I have a new appreciation for the way I live my life and the impact I have on those I directly affect. When it comes my time to die, will I be considered a hero by those I have touched with my thoughts, words, and deeds? There is so much more I could do, but I pray that fact will not stop me from doing SOMETHING!!

When the opportunities arrive for me to make a difference, I pray I will answer the call and be willing to give up everything if that is what it takes. I leave you with a poem that was read at the end of Act of Valor. May it inspire you to live a life that reminds people what being a "true" hero really means.

"When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."~Tecumseh

Significance

"No, I'm not alright...I know that I'm not right....A steering wheel doesn't mean you can drive, A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive...Feel like I travel but I never arrive...I wanna thrive not just survive." ~ Thrive by Switchfoot

Sitting here listening to "Restless" by Switchfoot and realizing how restless I really am. Always scanning the horizon. Eyes on the move. Seeking the thrill of the next heartbeat. My four classroom walls are the world I inhabit. They are my domain. I want to burst out of them; expand my world. I want to see the world as bigger than these four walls. I seem to live in a constant flow of forward thinking; letting the present pass me by. All the options moving into my brain. All the self-doubt and worry about reaching my potential when I don't even know what that potential is.

Sitting here at my desk after the kids have left, I lay my head and down and enjoy the music and the emptiness. Looking down I see a small ant-like creature. It is moving in small jerky movements, undoubtedly looking for a morsel of food. It would be so easy to crush him/her/it with a flick of my foot. But who's to say its life isn't any more important than mine, even though it is shorter and much more fleeting. By this time tomorrow, its miniscule life may already be over. Its domain is this classroom. Its whole world is a 20ft X 25ft box with all the adventures it can muster in three days of life (or shorter). Where is my world? Is it contained in these four walls? Am I that bug, wandering around this massive planet with 7 billion other bugs, looking for the next meal and never imagining the size 13 shoe about to squash my guts out?

I envy animals sometimes. They live their lives never contemplating death. Never worrying about the death of someone they love since they don't understand death. Without God, I AM that bug. Without God, all of this life is fleeting. I pray that I will never underestimate the dent I make on this earth, even though my life appears to me as a wandering, tiny insect. Then again, that small bug will never experience the birth of a child, the thrill of crossing a finish line, the soft kiss of a lover, the blessing of singing, or the exhilaration of earning a college degree. Without these blessings, life is an empty piece of hopelessness. The conclusion of the matter is similar to what Solomon felt--the vanity of it all without God.  Goodbye little bug. Keep on moving...

The Last Shall Be First (Thank Goodness)

“…Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Hebrews 12:1

Now that the smoke has cleared on Texarkana’s Run the Line 2012, I have a few things to share that the experience has shown me. First, I learned that there are many others who value fitness and hundreds in this area alone who are in so much better shape than I will ever be. It is an astounding achievement to run 13 miles. I also learned that being the only walker is a unique experience. Out of the 500 or so participants, I was the only walker. So I finished first place and last place at the same time. Wrap your head around that one. I didn’t even mind seeing everyone pass me by, though I could never decide how to properly get out of their way. Finally, I learned that not everyone understands the magnitude of my accomplishment because they compare it to the other 500+ runners. When I consider the journey that I started over 4 years ago, this was a culmination of a new life that I created, one in which fitness is a new priority. In 2008, I was nearly 300 lbs and could not even walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath. I was not competing against the runners or against anyone else for that matter. As always, I was my own competition. 

No one can make fun of, discount, write away, or convince me in any other way that this was not an amazing accomplishment. When I consider the brokenness of my feet, the hours of self-doubt the days before the race, and wondering if I could even finish while experiencing great pain for over half the race, it amazes me even more. It is likely I will never participate in another half marathon, but the challenges I seek will never disappear. There are new ones ahead; even if no one understands and I stand alone as the final participant. The satisfaction of seeing the finish line is a reward all its own. Bring on the next challenge!!!!!