Significance

"No, I'm not alright...I know that I'm not right....A steering wheel doesn't mean you can drive, A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive...Feel like I travel but I never arrive...I wanna thrive not just survive." ~ Thrive by Switchfoot

Sitting here listening to "Restless" by Switchfoot and realizing how restless I really am. Always scanning the horizon. Eyes on the move. Seeking the thrill of the next heartbeat. My four classroom walls are the world I inhabit. They are my domain. I want to burst out of them; expand my world. I want to see the world as bigger than these four walls. I seem to live in a constant flow of forward thinking; letting the present pass me by. All the options moving into my brain. All the self-doubt and worry about reaching my potential when I don't even know what that potential is.

Sitting here at my desk after the kids have left, I lay my head and down and enjoy the music and the emptiness. Looking down I see a small ant-like creature. It is moving in small jerky movements, undoubtedly looking for a morsel of food. It would be so easy to crush him/her/it with a flick of my foot. But who's to say its life isn't any more important than mine, even though it is shorter and much more fleeting. By this time tomorrow, its miniscule life may already be over. Its domain is this classroom. Its whole world is a 20ft X 25ft box with all the adventures it can muster in three days of life (or shorter). Where is my world? Is it contained in these four walls? Am I that bug, wandering around this massive planet with 7 billion other bugs, looking for the next meal and never imagining the size 13 shoe about to squash my guts out?

I envy animals sometimes. They live their lives never contemplating death. Never worrying about the death of someone they love since they don't understand death. Without God, I AM that bug. Without God, all of this life is fleeting. I pray that I will never underestimate the dent I make on this earth, even though my life appears to me as a wandering, tiny insect. Then again, that small bug will never experience the birth of a child, the thrill of crossing a finish line, the soft kiss of a lover, the blessing of singing, or the exhilaration of earning a college degree. Without these blessings, life is an empty piece of hopelessness. The conclusion of the matter is similar to what Solomon felt--the vanity of it all without God.  Goodbye little bug. Keep on moving...