Why I Love (and Hate) Running

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
~John Bingham

Running is a lot like life. You run at your own pace. You are prepared, but nervous and cautious about the road ahead.  It has a beginning and an end. In running, you know the course set out before you, but the course is different every time; there are different people around you each race and you may also have different weather conditions. You could have a new pair of shoes or a new playlist on your mp3 player. But the goal always remains: to reach the finish line.

I did not start out as a runner. I arrived kicking and screaming (or more like walking). When I lost around 55 pounds in 2008, I did it by cutting my food intake in half and walking about 3 miles a day. Walking is easy. It is what nearly every human does every day. You just put one foot in front of the other, and to go faster you move your feet faster. It's not rocket science. And, even though I was a fairly slow walker, I still completed a number of races: about six 5K's, 2 10K's, and even a half marathon. But I came to learn one very important fact about walking: no matter how fast you walk, there is a top speed that is easily reached by a normal, albeit quick, stride. (I am not including power walking or race walking, a sport at which it is very difficult to not look silly). So I came to realize that I had to join the ranks of the runners.

I started out running with more of a slow jog. I used the track at a local school and ran the straight areas and walked the curves. It was painful at first. My shins, ankles, and calves resisted this new motion. It seemed unnatural to my linebacker-shaped body (and it still does). But I persisted. No matter how quickly I ran, I could not pass my 17-year old son, who seemed to take amusement at watching me crawl along behind him. But like the tortoise in the great fable, I persisted. I am still slow; the physics of rate and speed are not sympathetic to me. Along the way, I found out there is a name for people my size who run: Clydesdales. I am not sure whether I should be offended at this title, as it denotes a huge, slow, prancing horse. Upon further analysis, I realized they are large, yet proud creatures that get the job done. So the name is fitting for me.

In 2012 I did my first run/walk 5K. My time was slow (although I would like to blame it on the fact that I missed the turn-around "cone").  I kept training and did another run/walk with my son a few weeks later and finished quicker than I thought. Since then, I had hoped to beat the time I set on that race. I have yet to beat it, but I went ahead and scheduled another race: The Leprechaun 5K. I trained hard and ran timed trials for myself every two weeks or so, but always along the trip I stopped a few times and walked to catch my breath. In my first run/walk 5K, I had run the whole first mile, a feat in itself and a first for me. I seriously thought that was my threshold, a mark I would never pass. I never dreamed that I could run a whole 5K.  But a week or so before my last race, I put it in my mind that I could run the whole race, at whatever pace I could muster.

From the first gun, I knew I had to try. I set a pace and kept chipping away, bringing up the rear along with a 70-year old man and a number of walkers and women pushing strollers.  Around the half-way point, I started to doubt myself. Fortunately, pain in my shins and legs was masked by adrenaline and self-will. Approaching the last half-mile, I was encouraged because I had kept up with the 70-year old and I passed him in slow motion right before the last downhill stretch, the theme to Chariots of Fire running through my mind. Then it was all downhill...literally... the road sloped downward to the finish line for the last quarter mile. As I moved across the finish line, I felt like I had run a marathon. And maybe it was a marathon for me.

The severe pain in my back, legs, and shins persisted for a number of days. But it was worth every step. Training for a run is hard and the pain on this 45-year old body makes me wonder why I do it. But the challenge of the next race, and the hope of beating my own time in the process, keeps me going. I guess I am hooked. I still enjoy lifting weights because it comes easy to me and it seems safer; my comfort zone of an exercise plan. But the draw of the next race keeps my fitness on track, my weight in check, and my sense of adventure on high alert. I love the results of running as it matches my goal-setting personality and strokes my sense of self-achievement, but I hate the pain it causes on my body. However, nothing can take away the great sense of completion you feel after a race. Crossing the finish line is a thrill that I cherish and will always enjoy.

And even if I finish every race in last place, I am still ahead of those watching on the sideline or resting in their easy chair. So to paraphrase the weightlifting adage, when it comes to running, my mantra reads "Some pain, much gain."

See you on the road...I'll be the tall guy running at the speed of a proud tortoise....

Feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at mcdsparks@gmail.com.

Who Do You Think I Am?

“You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5 NIV

From the time we are born, we begin building a reputation for ourselves. We are shaped by the forces of life around us, our parents and friends’ influences, and the choices we make. Along the way, we face hardships that make us think about ourselves, the kind of person we are, and the kind of person we are growing to be. Those around us are always watching, making guesses and drawing assumptions about the person they believe us to be…at least in their minds. Then we mess up, and it is easy for them to categorize us, pigeon-hole us, and weigh the sentence they will impose on our lives. For some, we are cursed by the choices we have made. We are made to live in a social dungeon, in a prison of failure. It does not matter if we repent or keep on doing stupid things; those former choices could shape the perceptions of those around us until we fold our hands in rest. 

Is that the end of the story? Or are we much deeper than they want us to be.

Smugness is easy for some. It is so much easier to believe in black in white, in a good or bad person, or a fulfilled or wasted life. It is easy to assume that we know the motives behind people’s choices, even though we have not lived their lives, or walked in their shoes, or seen the world through their eyes. How can we hope to understand them unless we search deep into our souls to find out the depths of depravity that we all may hold inside us? We are all one step away from a wasted life, a haunting choice, or an economic catastrophe that makes us destitute or even homeless. We cannot change the family we were born into, or the country in which we were raised. Circumstances and the choices of others around us can also lead us to where we are today.

Am I excusing the bad choices some of us make? Of course not.  Justice for crimes we commit is not only necessary but also required by God and society.  I am saying that compassion and reason should rule our lives. We should use Christ as our example. He even prayed for those who were literally crucifying him.  He saw the person, but did not judge them to be a lost cause or without hope. How can we not give everyone else the same courtesy that Christ gave them?

So when you look at me, do you think you know the person that lies beneath this skin? I am a person of imperfection, but with a tender heart that sees the good in others, and even in myself. I have made choices I regret and I have to live with those, but they do not shape me. They do not sentence me to an eternity of nothingness or a life of constant repentance and self-deprecation.  I must move forward. And I must not let your assessment of me shape the rest of my life.

When people reflect on me at the end of my life, many will not like what they saw. Many will think they know the person that lies beneath the soil. But only God will know that heart, and will decide if my life is worthy of resting with him. I give my life to Him and ask that he see the original choice I made to follow Him. May I only seek his approval, and leave all others to their judgments.

In the end, tears will be shed for me…tears of anger or regret or of love.  But my hope is that He will wipe all those tears away…for whatever reason they are shed. 

Feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at mcdsparks@gmail.com. 

Is There Too Much Happiness in the World Today?

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.  Life is beauty, admire it.  Life is bliss, taste it.  Life is a dream, realize it.  Life is a challenge, meet it.  Life is a duty, complete it.  Life is a game, play it.  Life is a promise, fulfill it.  Life is sorrow, overcome it.  Life is a song, sing it.  Life is a struggle, accept it.  Life is a tragedy, confront it.  Life is an adventure, dare it.  Life is luck, make it.  Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.” 
~ Mother Teresa

What does it really mean to be happy? Does it mean to have a smile on your face 24/7? Does it mean that all your needs are met? Does it mean that you are right where you need to be…that you have no need to change anything? Do people who profess to be happy all the time really contribute to anything beneficial in the world today? Can you pin down the true meaning and definition of happiness?

I believe the word is overused. It makes me “happy” to see a cute baby bunny. What does that mean? I guess it means that I think it’s sweet and that its fur is soft and I would love to hold it.  But is that really happiness? My daughter had a bunny in the 9^th grade for an Ag project. All it did was eat and poop. I was happy that she had a project to keep her busy, but NOT happy when it came time to clean out the cage.  Happiness sometimes gives the idea that we are content with the status quo…that we are alright with the way things are right now. Men who believed that Earth was the center of the solar system were happy because they were 100% sure they were right. When Galileo said that the Sun was the center of the solar system, those same people were no longer happy. It was heresy to say what he said. But in the end he was right.

Were there any Bible characters that accomplished what they did in a state of happiness? When Moses parted the Red Sea he had a gazillion Egyptians chasing him. When David picked up his slingshot and approached the 8-ft tall Goliath, he was not really a happy camper. I am sure he was confident and he believed that with God he could win the victory. But what he was feeling was definitely not happiness.

So why is a mountain climber only happy for a brief moment when he reaches the summit? His goal is accomplished and then life moves on. Then the work of coming down from the mountain begins. He has to return all the rented climbing equipment and go back to his accounting job. And when he gets home, the mortgage on his house is still due. The winning quarterback in the Super Bowl is on top of the world for a few hours. But when the parades cease and the interviews subside, the reality of moving on with life and preparing for the next year sets in. He must prove himself all over again.

So should we not strive to be happy? That is definitely not what I am saying. I just think happiness is a moving target. Is the CEO of Walmart any happier than the greeter? Is the pastor of a mega-church any happier than the usher that welcomes guests each Sunday? Our goal in life should never be happiness, as strange as that sounds. There are other things much deeper and nobler: creating novel inventions, saving lives, pushing for social change, developing new ways of approaching a modern problem, encouraging others to keep fighting, feeding the poor, raising confident children, and never giving up in the face of adversity. If your only goal in life is your own happiness, you are missing the point of living.

Instead of trying to always be happy, maybe we should realize that joy is more important. Joy is unshakable and steadfast. Joy does not flinch when the going gets tough. Joy does not depend on our circumstances. Joy knows that happiness will pass, trials will come, and sadness is a battle we all face. We can have joy in knowing we have made a difference in a poor person’s life. We can have joy in pushing ourselves to be a better athlete, teacher, father, or worker than we were the year before.  We can have joy when a child with dyslexia crosses the stage at graduation. 

   

Many men and women of the past faced adversity and did some of their best work during that time. Depression and adversity have led to many great works of literature, music, and art. Unhappiness and sadness are things we all face at one time or another in our lives. But God, the unchanging and immovable rock, will be there in good and bad times, through the rain and the fire. We will come out on the other side broken, bruised, and wondering what our next move will be…but we will always have the reassurance that He will never leave us or forsake us. That feeling is much deeper than happiness. It is the joy and peace that passes all understanding. We can also look back on our lives and remember that we fought the good fight and that we were never happy with the status quo. We were in the (sometimes uncomfortable) business of changing our world for the better.

So stop chasing happiness. Pursue more noble goals and make lasting changes in this world and in the lives of those around you.  In the end, these are the only things that last.

Is God Big Enough?

"None of us knows and this makes it a mystery

If life is a comedy, then why all the tragedy?

Three and a half pounds of brain try to figure out

What this world is all about

And is there an eternity ....Is there an eternity?

God if You're there, I wish You'd show me

And God if You care then I need You to know me

I hope You don't mind me asking the questions

But I... figure You're big enough

I figure You're big enough

Lying on pillows we're haunted and half-awake

Does anyone hear us pray "If I die before I wake?"

Then the morning comes and the mirror's another place

Where we wrestle face-to-face

With the image of deity

The image of deity

God if You're there, I wish You'd show me

And God if You care then I need You to know me

I hope You don't mind me asking the questions

But I... figure You're big enough

I figure You're big enough

When I imagine the size of the Universe

And I wonder what's out past the edges

Then I discover inside me a space as big

And believe that I'm meant to be filled up

With more than just questions."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjwGvCp6n3s

Is there room for doubt in the Christian life?  Can we really profess to be Christians but doubt in the things of God and fear for the future?  So many Christians worry that doubt is a sign that they have lost their way...they are washed up...no good for God.  Is that really the case?  As you look through the Bible you see so many characters who lost their faith, some after miraculous signs and great acts of God. How can we forgot so quickly how much God has given us and begin to wonder if He is there....if it is all worth it...if eternity is only reserved for giants of the faith?

The song by Chris Rice speaks to some of these doubts.  Many criticized the song when it first came out, especially in Christian circles.  How could a Christian song speak of doubt and fear and even wonder about the presence of God?  How could any Christian not be deliriously happy all the time? Therein lies the problem. We think Christians are all superheroes that have it all together. But we are the lost ones hiding in the cave when David finds them.  We are Jonah waiting under a tree to die.  We are Joseph in a pit wondering if God had abandoned him.  We are Mary Magdelene looking up at the faces of the men who would seal her fate, stern looks and stones in their hands. 

If you have never experienced deep hardship and doubt in your walk, you are either a much stronger Christian than me, or a storm is on the horizon.  The good news is that all the characters I mentioned above found the light.  They were rescued, redeemed by God. God showed up in their lives in a big way.  They later came to understand how much God love them, even though their doubt blinded them for a time.  Many Christians today wonder what God's will is. They wait for the next burning bush or water turned into wine. Then they are sad when miracles never happen.  All the while, God is there. He is never away from us, but sometimes we fail to see him because he usually works behind the scenes, quietly and patiently. God's will is right in front of your eyes. Waking up in the morning and seeing the sun rise is a guarantee of God's presence.

The season of doubt will pass. As you wait, don't stop doing what we know to be right.  Don't stop being an example of Christ to all those around you.  Do not lose hope, for the future is yours and whether or not you feel His presence, He is the wind at your back and the breeze on your face when the stress of life makes you weary. Be strong and hang on tight to His silent guiding hand.

Is this the last time you will face uncertainty in your walk?  I doubt it….

A Message to the Underdog

You are not defeated.  The game is not over.  The buzzer has not sounded.  Are you ready to admit defeat so easily?  There are 70 year old men climbing Mt. Everest right now.  There are soldiers with prosthetic legs running marathons.  There are women fighting breast cancer and walking arm and arm across a finish line with their beautiful sisters.  There are single mothers trying to finish their college degree while working two jobs. 

There you are: lying on the canvas as the champion stands above you, the ref is counting you out. I have been on that canvas.  The only direction to look is up. The only place you want to stay is down. But I thought about being down and it is not the place I want to be. I am climbing to my feet.  I am not giving up.

You think this battle is against everyone else?  You really think anyone cares who crosses the finish line first? This battle is against yourself. It always has been.  You run at your own speed.  You move at your own pace.  It doesn’t matter if you crawl across the finish line---arms bleeding, feet calloused and blistered.   You are your own personal trainer.  You are your own motivational speaker. You are your own cheerleader.  You are the one that makes it happen.  No one is going to run for you.  It is up to you. Are you going to give up; stay on the mat and in the gutter with the other poor unforgiven souls?  Those who wallow in their own self pity.  Those who pass the blame and give everyone else the regrets they should carry on their own back.

I know it’s not easy.  There will be pain and tears along the way, but many joys as well. You are Columbus kissing the ground upon arrival to the new world.  You are a miner saved from a deep well of darkness.  You are Nelson Mandela arising from his filthy prison.  You are Martin Luther King, Jr. expressing his dream.  You are the smiling scientist accepting a Nobel Prize.  You are a recovering addict watching the sunrise after a year of sobriety.  You are the mountain climber who empathically pounds his stake at the top of the mountain.

Defeat is not in your vocabulary.  The finish line is always in front.  Your eye is always on the prize. Run as if you want to win.

Oh by the way, this is not just about running.  This is about living.  Join the race.

Sincerely,

You