The Power of Conviction

“You will be a failure, until you impress the subconscious with the conviction you are a success. This is done by making an affirmation which ‘clicks’.” ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

It is a vicious cycle. We make a commitment, be it getting in shape, creating a new habit of productivity at work, or finishing a project. Maybe it is a new year’s resolution (which I stopped doing years ago in favor of goals). After a while, our behavior tracks off or slows down or stops altogether.  Then comes the rationalization. “I will start back next month.” “That was an unrealistic goal.” “There is no way I could keep that up.” We all do it, including myself.

I want 2015 to be a year of convictions.  I want to stand behind the beliefs that I have and not back down.  I want to prove to myself that I can reach the goals that I have set, but not to impress anyone or make a name for myself. There are no record books for most worthwhile goals. It may not earn me a national spotlight, a Nobel Prize, or even first place in a race.  Then why should I even care? First, we have to believe that the goal is worthwhile.  We have to stand on a conviction that the issue or goal is important; important for the world, for my family, or for becoming a better version of myself. Second, we have to remember that we can only accomplish more than we have ever imagined if we push ourselves farther than we think we can go.

I also have a theory that you may or may not believe. It goes like this: Some people fear success more than they fear failure.  What I mean by this is that failure can always be compromised, rationalized, or explained away. You can always say “Ill just do better next time,” “I was so close,” “It is the thought that counts,” or “At least I tried.” I don’t know all the psychology behind why people fear success, but I know that they do. I have feared it in the past as well. I do not play the lottery, but it is funny to hear people say “What if I win? What will I do with all that money?” Interesting. So you are saying you don’t play the lottery because you are afraid of winning? Or are you afraid of the consequences of winning? A better question might be: Can you handle the success? We must not fear success, lest we fear the very nature of what it means to be human.

So what is the difference between a goal/resolution and a conviction? In my definition, a conviction is a strongly held belief for which you would be willing to fight, face ridicule or persecution, or even die. A more palatable version might be strongly held beliefs that you hold dear; ones that push you on to greater achievements, build your confidence, help others, or change the world. Everyone has different convictions, but you must be willing to face the consequences, either negative or positive, for the convictions you hold.

Having said all of the above, I am going to make conviction my Word of the Year for 2015.  As I go through the coming year, I have to ask myself the following questions daily:  (1) Am I conducting this activity with confidence and enthusiasm?  (2) Am I committed to the results of my activity, be it good or bad? (3) Am I pushing myself beyond the mediocre and not fearing the success that comes from this activity? (4) Am I being faithful to the knowledge, habits, and practices that make the larger activity possible? (5) Am I conducting an activity that helps someone, strengthens my confidence, or benefits the world?

If you are going to be a person of conviction there are a few things you need to consider.  Never believe that you have arrived and never take for granted the fact that you are never alone in your successes.  If you begin to take credit for every success, you will be all alone on your pinnacle at the end of your life. Be kind to those who have contributed to those successes and they will be there to share them with you.  The people you thank may also be a friend when you need one. If your convictions are of the religious sort, remember to thank God for the gift of life and the ability to have goals in the first place. Finally, use the success that comes with these convictions to help those around you, especially those who are different from yourself.

Being a person of conviction takes time, practice, and commitment. Begin the journey today.  I promise it will change your life.

The Greatest Hits / Volume I: 2012-2014

2014

“I choose to be an ally.  That does not mean I will believe everything they believe or live the same way they do.  Four undeniable aspects of my life (being White, male, heterosexual and Christian) will never change.  In respect to those qualities, I will never be anything more or less than the person I am right now.  But I will fight for those that don’t have a voice and prove to them that they have a friend.  This is my manifesto and this is the way I chose to live.” from What Does an Ally Look Like (11/3/14)

“Someday I will see that wandering road behind me; stretch for the past with one hand as I reach in vain for that future reward.

The present is the only gift we have.

The future is not in our hands, but it is in our eyes.”

from The Waiting (11/1/14)

“May love be the last thought on our minds as we slip the bonds of earth and move toward our common destiny, knowing that love will show us the way there.” from A Human Being:  Being Human (8/26/14)

“I hope I can instill a wonder for nature and a love for the environment in my future teachers.  It is not a distraction, but a necessity if we hope to protect this wondrous world that we have been given, as we gently pass it to the next generation.” from For the Love of Nature Part II (5/17/2014)

“I am calling on men to stand up for women, show them respect, allow them to be leaders in society and the church, and help pass legislation to make prostitution, pornography, and the exploitation of women through human trafficking a thing of the past.  We need men strong and confident enough to call themselves feminists and willing to fight for the other half of our society.” from A Call for Equality and Action (Feminism is Not Just for Females Anymore) (4/23/14)

“Both sides clench tight to their ideologies, blinded by knowledge.  Both sides try to outscream the other.  Both sides snear and turn their heads, sticking their fingers in their ears and humming a tune like immature children on a playground.  Many people appear to meet in the middle, like boxers.  They shake hands, but then go back to their corners before proceeding to beat each other to a bloody pulp.” from Man in the Middle (3/31/14)

“..don’t define yourself by any one category. Change the definition of who you are constantly, like a moving target, so that no one define you or think they know everything about you. That is your gift to yourself.” from How Do You Know? (1/26/14)

2013

“The mark of a difference made is not changing the world, because so few of us will.  We may make a name for ourselves in our careers, add to a body of knowledge, and have our 15 minutes of fame, but that success may be short lived. The mark of a difference made is when we fold our hands to leave this world, can we put our regrets to rest and have we proved to our self and others that this life is worth the trouble?” from Change from the Inside Out (12/14/13)

“Maturity means looking in the mirror and smiling at the person you have become, while reflecting the hopes of the person you want to be.” from Growing Up: It’s Not What You Think (12/1/13)

“No matter what color or nation or ideology we share, all people have hopes of making ends meet, feeling the touch of a loved one, or smiling at the joke of a friend.  We all share the color of humanity.” from Colorblind: The Truth in Black and White (11/16/13)

“An abundant life is a series or ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. But every moment is to be experienced, both good and bad.  How can you take out the bad experiences and say you have lived a complete life? Without the bad, life would be a fairy tale and we all know those don’t exist. Life is a series of choices.  Those choices lead to situations that test us, try our patience, and show what we are made of to the world.  How we accept the challenges that come our way tells a lot about our character.” from Go With the Flow (10/13/13)

“I was there when my grandfather passed. I saw his spirit leave with his breath.  The energy and warmth of life left with him as well.  To where it passed is the mystery that we seek to understand.  But that spirit lives on in the living.  It lives on while we breathe and contemplate our existence.  It lives on in the soft embrace of the ones we love.  It lives on in the school children that laugh on playgrounds and in the smiles of proud parents as they rock their babies to sleep.” from The Breath of Life (10/26/13)

“Never lose hope, for the future, whether it is bright or not, is just around the corner and we must face it with all confidence if we are to finish victorious and without regret in this maze we call life.” from Hope: For the Best (9/20/13)

“Failure is always a possibility, but I will never know triumph unless I embrace the possibility of failure, which means accepting my own frail humanity.” from Embracing the Human Experience (8/3/14)

“We are not an accident--we are the legacy that we leave--the footprints and purpose of a life well-lived.” from Legacy (5/26/13) Originally written 3-28-10

“In the end, tears will be shed for me…tears of anger or regret or of love.  But my hope is that He will wipe all those tears away…for whatever reason they are shed.” from Who Do You Think I Am? (3/11/13)

“So should we not strive to be happy? That is definitely not what I am saying. I just think happiness is a moving target. Is the CEO of Walmart any happier than the greeter? Is the pastor of a mega-church any happier than the usher that welcomes guests each Sunday? Our goal in life should never be happiness, as strange as that sounds. There are other things much deeper and nobler: creating novel inventions, saving lives, pushing for social change, developing new ways of approaching a modern problem, encouraging others to keep fighting, feeding the poor, raising confident children, and never giving up in the face of adversity. If your only goal in life is your own happiness, you are missing the point of living.” from Is There Too Much Happiness in the World Today? (2/17/13)

“The season of doubt will pass. As you wait, don't stop doing what we know to be right.  Don't stop being an example of Christ to all those around you.  Do not lose hope, for the future is yours and whether or not you feel His presence, He is the wind at your back and the breeze on your face when the stress of life makes you weary. Be strong and hang on tight to His silent guiding hand.” from Is God Big Enough (1/28/13)

2012

“You think this battle is against everyone else?  You really think anyone cares who crosses the finish line first? This battle is against yourself. It always has been.  You run at your own speed.  You move at your own pace.  It doesn’t matter if you crawl across the finish line---arms bleeding, feet calloused and blistered.   You are your own personal trainer.  You are your own motivational speaker. You are your own cheerleader.  You are the one that makes it happen.  No one is going to run for you.  It is up to you.” from A Message to the Underdog (12/8/12)

“Who are the brave? The ones who get out of bed every morning, take a deep breath, and prepare for battle. They are the ones who throw stones into the water and make as many waves as possible during the time of their “dash”. They know the water will calm when they leave. They know it cannot last forever. But they have not given up on making a difference. They have not given up hope for humanity.” from Making Waves (10/27/13)

“I choose to fall on grace. That is my testimony of brokenness: a Christ-follower who is bumped and bruised and imperfect. Just like the rest of the world.” from Perfection and Other Lies (A Message to the Church) (8/5/12)

“So one person says they have changed. One person says they haven’t. The reality is this: they are both right, and they are both wrong. Change happens. Whether we believe it or not…and whether we see it or not.” from Change: Evolution or Revolution (7/12/12)

“I will always worry about the future. I just have to realize that I am not in control of the outcomes.  There are too many variables beyond our control. I can only take a deep breath and move on the next moment, and treasure each one. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing....

So we CAN travel into the future: one second at a time just like the rest of the world. Make every second count.” from On (Not Back) to the Future (5/24/12)

“Sometimes when I watch a movie that demonstrates a battle between good and evil, I feel pity for the bad guy. It is not because I approve of his bad behavior, but because I know that we are one breath, one heartbeat, one bad choice away from being in their company.” from The Dark Side: The Fine Line Between Good and Evil (5/21/12)

“I guess, in the end maybe we are asking the wrong question. Maybe we need to ask: Are humans capable of great goodness? And for that question, I think the answer is a resounding Yes! If the answer to that question is “Yes”, then there may be hope for mankind after all. We must never stop believing in the potential for people to make good choices.” from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (4/1/12)

“So when peace comes does it stay forever? I would love to say that is the case, but that is not the way life works. When the rain is falling, all hope of sunshine is blurred by the rain. Peace is a mindset; a perspective that has to be renewed occasionally as we remind ourselves that all is well.  It is sometimes elusive and hides when we desire it the most. But it eventually appears when we least expect it, just like a ray of light as it peeks from behind the clouds after days of rain. The sun is shining. All is well.” from Peace, Be Still (3-23-12)

“When you a fill a cup to the rim and keep filling it, where does the excess go? I am not sure, but I know this: my heart overflows with love for my kids. They will always be my legacy and my greatest accomplishment. They were worth it all.....every minute...every second.” from A Pair of Blessings (1/12/12)

“So what is your mountain? What is your obstacle? What is something you have always wanted to do? Take a chance and set a goal to achieve what you never believed to be possible. Life is a series of challenges, and we may not reach every goal we set. But that's alright. Struggle and fight and never give up.” from The Power of a Goal (1/3/12)

“Since turning 40, I have lost weight and gotten in shape, went back to school to pursue my doctorate, and gone through a divorce. I have had humbling experiences and dipped into the lowest parts of my life, but in a sense I have grown stronger. I have learned that I have something to offer the world, and that I am worthy to be loved. The questions continue, and the quest for the person I seek to become. It may sound cliche, but I have learned that life is a journey and not a destination. I will never arrive, and that's alright too. But as Paul said, I "press on", which makes every day another adventure and another footprint in the sand.” from The Journey Begins (1/1/12 My First Blog)

What Does An Ally Look Like?

“…Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” ~ Matthew 7:17-20

There have been many wars fought where the enemy and the ally look very much alike.  Sometimes fighters wear the uniform and color of their side, but other times it is less obvious.  Many times the enemy may put on the clothes or colors of the other side while infiltrating the camp for secrets or to kill them when they are least suspecting it.  The only way to know the enemy is by their actions and their words.  Those two things always give them away.  So it is with an ally.  It is not always easy to recognize who is on your side, even if they look exactly like you. 

Like many others, I fear standing up for those who are persecuted or maligned.  Gay teens bullied by insecure fundamentalists.  Black college students jeered and stereotyped by racists.  Women objectified for their bodies and put in their place by sexists.  Those persecuted for their religious beliefs, or their lack of beliefs.  I have bought the lie that there is nothing I can do.  I am White, heterosexual, Christian, and male.  I am the recipient of privileges just because of those four qualities.  I did not earn those; they came to me by birth.  Even if I refuse to admit that they give me advantages, that does not change the fact that they do. 

But I have moved past the guilt of the sins of my forefathers.  I no longer feel the need to help others out of some misbegotten feeling of guilt or sympathy or even willingness to follow my religious convictions like a checklist.  I have decided that love is the card that trumps all others.  I am no longer scared of people saying some of the following: “You are not Black, so how can you understand racism?”  “You are not gay, so how do you know how it feels to be called a fag?”  “You are not female, so how do you know what it feels like to have your body controlled by old men in political power and told that you are nothing but a symbol of sex?” “You have faith and you believe in a loving God, so how can you understand religious fundamentalists that justify their convictions with the disguise of hate or the atheist that chooses not to believe?”

It is true that I cannot feel those things and no matter how hard I try I will never physically be like them.  But I have empathy.  I have love.  I have a listening ear. I have strong hands that can shake theirs or I can put my arm around their shoulder.  I can even reassure them and cry with them.  I have the ability to see from their perspective and listen to appeals for someone to stand in their corner. I can be someone that sees their point of view and who tries to be the friend they need in their time of need.  I will no longer use the excuse “I am not like them.”  I choose to be the one that sees the least of these (in the eyes of the world) and I will stand with them.  I may get ridiculed for that, even from both sides. The male, Christian, straight, Caucasians may say, “You don’t belong there.  You are not like them.”  Some of those from the mistreated and forgotten groups may say I don’t belong there as well.  I understand that and I even understand why I may not be trusted.  To be misunderstood is something that I may have to live with.  I may never fit it, no matter what I try to do.

I choose to be an ally.  That does not mean I will believe everything they believe or live the same way they do.  Four undeniable aspects of my life (being White, male, heterosexual and Christian) will never change.  In respect to those qualities, I will never be anything more or less than the person I am right now.  But I will fight for those that don’t have a voice and prove to them that they have a friend.  This is my manifesto and this is the way I chose to live.

I hope I am not alone.  As the writer of a famous song once said, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you will join us…and the world will be as one.”

The Waiting

Someday when I grow up

Someday when I finish high school

Someday when I graduate from college

Someday when I finally retire

Someday when I die

Someday

Every part of our lives is a waiting game; a constant struggle between the present and the future.

When will that bright future come?

In vain I try to slow down the cogs of time, yet I also long for them to proceed:

The perfect job; the perfect sunrise or sunset or cloud formation; the perfect time and the perfect place…it is just over the next horizon.

Someday

Peace invades my heart as I grab hold of the present; drink it in; taste its goodness and hold it tight;

But yet it slips away from me and I am back… waiting on that future golden crown

Help me to see what is in front of me; to smile at happy times and pause in the midst of my daily destinations.

For as sure as the future is within our grasp, we will look back at the sands of time that have drained away and wonder why we were moving so fast.

Someday

Someday I will see that wandering road behind me; stretch for the past with one hand as I reach in vain for that future reward.

The present is the only gift we have.

The future is not in our hands, but it is in our eyes.

The Clown and the Lion Tamer

Send in the clowns they say, but

do the clowns really fare any better than the lion tamers?

One appears more serious and defies death every day;

The other pretends to laugh at life and faces inner death at every turn.

The difference is that the lion tamers are constantly on guard and

they know the danger of not paying attention.

Every day they are not eaten is a gift.

The clowns must continue to keep the fake happiness plastered on their face,

no matter how much they hurt underneath and no matter how much they hate the crowd for their soft devotion.

The clowns are the entertainment; after the show they clear off the paint and

blend into the crowd, never taking their painted smiles with them.

For the lion tamer, the night holds no fear, for the beast is in his cage.

Death is around every corner for the lot of us, but the lion tamers

know that they are one bite and one hungry lion away from eternity.

No one is surprised when the lion tamers leave too early—it is the nature of their beasts.

May we see beneath the painted smiles and hold the hand of a clown today,

for every night their paint comes off and they are left with no one to entertain but themselves.

Both clowns and lion tamers must face death, but it does not have to be timely;

            Show love to those who hide beneath their painted smiles. 

For Robin Williams 1951-2014