What Does An Ally Look Like?

“…Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” ~ Matthew 7:17-20

There have been many wars fought where the enemy and the ally look very much alike.  Sometimes fighters wear the uniform and color of their side, but other times it is less obvious.  Many times the enemy may put on the clothes or colors of the other side while infiltrating the camp for secrets or to kill them when they are least suspecting it.  The only way to know the enemy is by their actions and their words.  Those two things always give them away.  So it is with an ally.  It is not always easy to recognize who is on your side, even if they look exactly like you. 

Like many others, I fear standing up for those who are persecuted or maligned.  Gay teens bullied by insecure fundamentalists.  Black college students jeered and stereotyped by racists.  Women objectified for their bodies and put in their place by sexists.  Those persecuted for their religious beliefs, or their lack of beliefs.  I have bought the lie that there is nothing I can do.  I am White, heterosexual, Christian, and male.  I am the recipient of privileges just because of those four qualities.  I did not earn those; they came to me by birth.  Even if I refuse to admit that they give me advantages, that does not change the fact that they do. 

But I have moved past the guilt of the sins of my forefathers.  I no longer feel the need to help others out of some misbegotten feeling of guilt or sympathy or even willingness to follow my religious convictions like a checklist.  I have decided that love is the card that trumps all others.  I am no longer scared of people saying some of the following: “You are not Black, so how can you understand racism?”  “You are not gay, so how do you know how it feels to be called a fag?”  “You are not female, so how do you know what it feels like to have your body controlled by old men in political power and told that you are nothing but a symbol of sex?” “You have faith and you believe in a loving God, so how can you understand religious fundamentalists that justify their convictions with the disguise of hate or the atheist that chooses not to believe?”

It is true that I cannot feel those things and no matter how hard I try I will never physically be like them.  But I have empathy.  I have love.  I have a listening ear. I have strong hands that can shake theirs or I can put my arm around their shoulder.  I can even reassure them and cry with them.  I have the ability to see from their perspective and listen to appeals for someone to stand in their corner. I can be someone that sees their point of view and who tries to be the friend they need in their time of need.  I will no longer use the excuse “I am not like them.”  I choose to be the one that sees the least of these (in the eyes of the world) and I will stand with them.  I may get ridiculed for that, even from both sides. The male, Christian, straight, Caucasians may say, “You don’t belong there.  You are not like them.”  Some of those from the mistreated and forgotten groups may say I don’t belong there as well.  I understand that and I even understand why I may not be trusted.  To be misunderstood is something that I may have to live with.  I may never fit it, no matter what I try to do.

I choose to be an ally.  That does not mean I will believe everything they believe or live the same way they do.  Four undeniable aspects of my life (being White, male, heterosexual and Christian) will never change.  In respect to those qualities, I will never be anything more or less than the person I am right now.  But I will fight for those that don’t have a voice and prove to them that they have a friend.  This is my manifesto and this is the way I chose to live.

I hope I am not alone.  As the writer of a famous song once said, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you will join us…and the world will be as one.”

The Waiting

Someday when I grow up

Someday when I finish high school

Someday when I graduate from college

Someday when I finally retire

Someday when I die

Someday

Every part of our lives is a waiting game; a constant struggle between the present and the future.

When will that bright future come?

In vain I try to slow down the cogs of time, yet I also long for them to proceed:

The perfect job; the perfect sunrise or sunset or cloud formation; the perfect time and the perfect place…it is just over the next horizon.

Someday

Peace invades my heart as I grab hold of the present; drink it in; taste its goodness and hold it tight;

But yet it slips away from me and I am back… waiting on that future golden crown

Help me to see what is in front of me; to smile at happy times and pause in the midst of my daily destinations.

For as sure as the future is within our grasp, we will look back at the sands of time that have drained away and wonder why we were moving so fast.

Someday

Someday I will see that wandering road behind me; stretch for the past with one hand as I reach in vain for that future reward.

The present is the only gift we have.

The future is not in our hands, but it is in our eyes.

The Clown and the Lion Tamer

Send in the clowns they say, but

do the clowns really fare any better than the lion tamers?

One appears more serious and defies death every day;

The other pretends to laugh at life and faces inner death at every turn.

The difference is that the lion tamers are constantly on guard and

they know the danger of not paying attention.

Every day they are not eaten is a gift.

The clowns must continue to keep the fake happiness plastered on their face,

no matter how much they hurt underneath and no matter how much they hate the crowd for their soft devotion.

The clowns are the entertainment; after the show they clear off the paint and

blend into the crowd, never taking their painted smiles with them.

For the lion tamer, the night holds no fear, for the beast is in his cage.

Death is around every corner for the lot of us, but the lion tamers

know that they are one bite and one hungry lion away from eternity.

No one is surprised when the lion tamers leave too early—it is the nature of their beasts.

May we see beneath the painted smiles and hold the hand of a clown today,

for every night their paint comes off and they are left with no one to entertain but themselves.

Both clowns and lion tamers must face death, but it does not have to be timely;

            Show love to those who hide beneath their painted smiles. 

For Robin Williams 1951-2014

A Human Being: Being Human (A Poem)

Into a sea of faces I march each day, intrigued by the interactions of people.

The world tells us we are so different:  religion, gender, who we love, our skin color, our language.

Sometimes I like to imagine the world in monochrome with the volume off.  When I see the world that way all I see is billions of souls who laugh, smile, hurt, cry, and long for the touch of another soul.

Are we that much different from each other?

Are the barriers created by man or machines, by God or by governments, by disorder or by distance?

I follow Jesus because he loved them all; but how did he accomplish something that we fail at every day?

If He was human just like us, don’t we have the same power to love and show compassion, to cry with the lonely and hurt with the broken down?

So I move forward, putting steps between me and the clamor of the world, between the world’s negativity and hate and the powers and distractions that beg for my attention.

I choose love, as simplistic and boring as that sounds.  Love that covers a multitude of sins; that moved Jesus to compassion and to pity for those who lived without it.

The sea of faces longs for this love.  May they find it and be thankful with each breath for the gift of life; each rise and fall of our chest a reminder of the journey we all share. 

May love be the last thought on our minds as we slip the bonds of earth and move toward our common destiny, knowing that love will show us the way there. 

Body Check: Dealing with Persistent Problems of Body Image

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Hello.  My name is David and I have a body image problem.  I have always been too skinny or too fat or too big around the middle.  I am never “just right” and I am never lean enough.  There are many reasons that I am a big guy: my genetics (all the guys in my family were big), work ethic (I do just enough at the gym to maintain), and general insecurities that I never have gotten over from childhood.  I also love to eat, refuse to be a vegan, and I don’t really want to work out six hours a day (four or five times a week for about an hour is plenty). Oh, did I mention I REALLY LOVE to eat?

I succumb to all the same media hype that brainwashes many women. For them, it is the supermodels, Victoria’s Secret angels, and the fit actresses. For men, it is the Ralph Lauren cologne models, the athletes with six-pack abs, and the bodybuilders.  Men will not admit it, but they are influenced by the “ideal” body image more times than they want to admit.

This is a problem that I will undoubtedly deal with the rest of my life. There are a number of ways to address this issue. The first is to give up hope and let your body run into disrepair, give yourself some slack, and let nature take its course.  You can look at the people in your family and just resign yourself to the fact that you will look like your older relatives someday.  Cancel your gym membership (that’s a waste of money anyway).  Eat whatever you want. You may still exercise, but just enough to keep up with your food consumption.  If you run a mile, that means you can get a double cheeseburger instead of a single and don’t have to feel guilty about those second helpings.

A second option is to put your training regimen into third or fourth gear.  Hire a personal trainer and completely change your eating habits. Only shop at the health food store. Take enough vitamins every day to hear yourself rattle when you walk. Never indulge or treat yourself.  Stay away from all bad foods and beverages and work out incessantly. Sadly, after six months, you will look in the mirror and probably still not be happy. There will always be the person at the gym with lower body fat or more developed muscles.  You may have an amazing body, but other body image issues will take over.  For women, certain body parts will give in to the effects of gravity. For men, your hairline will continue to recede no matter how fast you try to hold it back.

There has to be a middle ground and I am constantly searching for it.  I want to challenge and push myself, but also know that it is impractical to work out three hours a day. Sure I could do it for a few months, but there is no way I could keep it up for years. I want to find exercises that keep me in shape, add variety to my routine, and continue to improve a little each year.  I am a person that likes to set goals, so I have chosen to run a couple of 5Ks a year and walk one or two as well.  As far as food goes, I want to start eating cleaner and continue to keep away from fries, buffets, and opportunities to overeat. But I must learn to give myself a few days a month to indulge. I will occasionally have the fries, but very rarely. I will teach myself to stop eating when I want to keep going. I also want to work on my body fat and bring it down to a reasonable level.  I will probably never have six-pack abs, but that’s alright.

The key is learning to be discontented with your body without choosing either extreme. I think a slight unhappiness with your body is a good thing, but only as it compares to your personal motivations.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to look a certain way.  Be your own personal trainer and push yourself, but find a few friends that can give you a nudge when you need it. Get in shape and stay in shape for the right reasons, mainly for your health and to be able to have an active and productive life.

My name is David and I will always be unhappy with my body.  As long as I don’t reach the point of obsession, that is a great problem to have. I just have to stay balanced, but always choose to keep changing, moving, and pushing myself forward for a long and healthy life.