I DO NOT Want Fries with That! A Case for Listening

Last year, I was in one of my diet phases so I stopped at the neighborhood Whataburger. I know you are thinking Whataburger and diet should not be in the same sentence, but bear with me. I decided to eat a tad more healthy by not ordering the fries, which I knew would cut out quite a few calories. I made that explicit to the worker when I ordered. It was a busy day and the drive-through seemed to go on forever but I was patient, my mouth watering for that juicy cheeseburger. When I arrived at the window I had to sit another 5 minutes, but the food finally made its way to me. As she handed me the bag, the employee was apologetic as she gave me the order. Nestled in the bottom of the bag was a large order of fries. I told her I didn’t order fries and with a smile she said “Oh it took so long I gave you those for free.” I just stared at her and blinked, wanting to say something but not wanting to appear ungrateful or rude. It was not a big deal, but I am sure I ate at least half of the fries since they were within reach since I have no self-control. But the point is this: I DO NOT want fries with that!

A similar situation happened in early 2016. I was trying to find a place where I was not distracted to get some work done (which is nearly impossible) so I happened upon the local Starbucks and bought a hot tea. They did not have the flavor I wanted so I just said, “I’ll take Black Tea.” I waited patiently as they searched for teabags. I heard the workers quietly say something to each other about being out, but I dismissed it. A few minutes later, I received my steaming cup of hot tea and lifted the lid to add sugar and cream, when I noticed a strange color, smell, and taste. It tasted like they went outside and pulled up a handful of grass and tossed it in to steep. You guessed it: Green Tea. I did not want to be one of “those people” that complained about their orders, so I just called him over and told him it was not Black Tea. He looked down in the cup and said “Oh, we were out of Black so we gave you Green.” Inside my head I was screaming “In what universe is Green Tea a replacement for Black Tea?” On the outside, I just stared and blinked in disbelief like I did at Whataburger and said, “Umm, I’ll just take Early Grey.” My point is obvious: I DO NOT want Green Tea!

There is a lot of talking going on these days, but very little listening. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have many questions:

* Can you be against Black Lives Matter in principle, but listen to what they have to say and try to understand why they feel like they do not matter?

* Can you be in support of the 2^nd Amendment, but still be appalled at what people do to others when guns are easily available and be disgusted by this epidemic of violence?

* Can you be in favor of traditional marriage and its sanctity, but still cry with LGBTQ people that have been ridiculed, feel like they have nowhere to belong, or have considered suicide?

* Can you stand on the principles of your political party, but still listen to the other side, at least exploring the possibility that most are well-meaning, red-blooded Americans like you that just have a different view of what makes America tick?

* Can you support police officers and all that they do to help their communities, but realize that there are too many instances of deadly violence toward people of color to dismiss the reality that some police officers are blinded by racism? 

As I said many times, I do not have all the answers. But I know the truth lies somewhere in between the two extremes. Too many times we try to give people what we think they need, not what they have asked for. This is not about liberal or conservative, Democratic or Republican, right-wing or left-wing. This is a matter of treating others like human beings with value. Listening is not optional any more—lives are at stake.

What most people want more than anything else is to be heard. This does not mean listening to them as they say their peace, yet ready to strike back with your vehement appeal and convictions firmly entrenched when they are done speaking. Just listening with those who need to be heard, crying with those who need to shed tears, and holding the hand of someone who feels no one is on their side.

Until we learn to listen and see through the eyes of others, America will never truly be great. 

Never Enough

It is a terrible feeling to see the finish line but never reach it.

Even worse is never knowing where to find the finish line…it is always around the next curve or after the next corner… always out of reach.

But the most horrible feeling is not having any finish line…knowing that you are running in vain…no map…no destination…no reason for running this mysterious race.

You will never be good enough

You will never be liberal enough or conservative enough

You will never be strong enough or weak enough

You will never be female enough or male enough

You will never be white enough or black enough

There is always a faster runner, a smarter scientist, a more handsome suitor, beautiful model, or successful businessman.

But just like the runner needs a finish line, we also need a destination.

Without a destination, we are lost.

We will build an amazing amount of stamina and endurance running this race…every lesson learned makes us better at finding our finish lines and gives us faith that this running is not in vain.

Keep running even though you may never win

Keep striving for good even though you will never be good enough

Keep struggling and straining even though you will never be strong enough

Keep being a worthwhile and courageous man, woman, or something in between

Keep representing your color, knowing the differing shades do not make us better or worse… just human

I am not good enough…but I will never give up--the finish line is just around the corner.

My story is never good enough, but I will keep writing it.

Walker

I am a walker watching the world run by

A confused poet in a room full of confident writers

I take it slow—not a novel approach.

I am a thinker in a world of proclaimers

An opponent of hate in a field full of thorns

I open my mind—never ready for the abundance of criticism.

I am a listener in a world full of talkers

A sensitive soul in an environment of uptight objectors

I open my ears—not a common response.

I am a giver in a world full or takers…

A destroyer in a world full of makers…

A dreamer in a world full of nightmares.

I am a zombie with a heart that beats in secret

A master in reviving dead dreams devoid of hope

I take in the fresh air—it keeps my flesh on a path of regeneration.

I am a spirit in a world obsessed with flesh

A wondering ghost that seeks a destination unseen

I never give up hope—the journey moves inevitably and undeniably onward.

I am a walker when the world says get in line--never in a hurry to win someone else’s race.

All I Knew Is That I Loved You

I didn’t understand you as a child.

The way you talked…crossed your legs and held your cigarette…

You only came to visit a few times…short visits… but I had so much fun laughing with you.

I knew something was different ….

But all I knew is that you were my uncle and I loved you.

I saw you from across the church… it was quiet and the huge cross loomed

                at the front; I saw the anguish in your eyes…wondered what you were thinking.

But they say you could not have been a Christian…they say it is impossible.

I did not understand your lifestyle…

But all I knew is that you were my uncle and I loved you.

I heard you enjoyed your life in California and that you had a huge record collection.

It disappeared or was sold when you died...alone surrounded by a few friends.

If I had it to do over again, I would have flown to see you before your life slipped away.

Now a room full of lives has been lost in a senseless hate-filled rampage.

Lives gone in an instant because of evil…a punishment inflicted by a single judge and jury

                with a coward’s weapon.

You could have been in that crowd…and I could have lost you.

Some self-righteous ones would say it was not a great loss and it was a form of judgement for a lifestyle that repulsed them.

But I disagree.

Your heart beat just as mine and you loved differently than me…

But all I know is that you were my uncle and I loved you.

And I think about you now more than ever.

The First Step

You!

Yeah you. You know who I’m talking to.

What are you doing?

Why are you giving up?

Are you really giving up before you even start?

I know it is hard. I get that.

But anything in this life worth fighting for is hard.

If it was easy they wouldn’t call it a challenge.

Yes I know your background.

Yes I know the seemingly insurmountable obstacles you have to overcome.

I know your past was a terrible mess.

People have left you or turned their back on you.

Your plans haven’t gone even remotely close to what you expected.

So what?

There are no guarantees in this life.

There are no tickets to punch to take you to the life of your dreams.

There is only hard work and sweat and roadblocks and obstacles at every turn.

You still have a multitude of life and strength in you that you don’t even know is there.

I hurt for you.

It pains me to see you give up like this when so many others have crushed life’s obstacles under their feet.

I know you are not them.

I know it hurts to think of the hill you must climb.

But I will be there with you; even if from a distance.

Even if only one person in the world believes in you, I will be that one.

All it takes is that first step.

Then another….and another…and another.

You will rise above. You will conquer this monster that will never leave you alone.

There is no other way but up.

No other direction but forward.

But I cannot make that step for you.

The first step belongs to you.