The Power of Conviction

“You will be a failure, until you impress the subconscious with the conviction you are a success. This is done by making an affirmation which ‘clicks’.” ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

It is a vicious cycle. We make a commitment, be it getting in shape, creating a new habit of productivity at work, or finishing a project. Maybe it is a new year’s resolution (which I stopped doing years ago in favor of goals). After a while, our behavior tracks off or slows down or stops altogether.  Then comes the rationalization. “I will start back next month.” “That was an unrealistic goal.” “There is no way I could keep that up.” We all do it, including myself.

I want 2015 to be a year of convictions.  I want to stand behind the beliefs that I have and not back down.  I want to prove to myself that I can reach the goals that I have set, but not to impress anyone or make a name for myself. There are no record books for most worthwhile goals. It may not earn me a national spotlight, a Nobel Prize, or even first place in a race.  Then why should I even care? First, we have to believe that the goal is worthwhile.  We have to stand on a conviction that the issue or goal is important; important for the world, for my family, or for becoming a better version of myself. Second, we have to remember that we can only accomplish more than we have ever imagined if we push ourselves farther than we think we can go.

I also have a theory that you may or may not believe. It goes like this: Some people fear success more than they fear failure.  What I mean by this is that failure can always be compromised, rationalized, or explained away. You can always say “Ill just do better next time,” “I was so close,” “It is the thought that counts,” or “At least I tried.” I don’t know all the psychology behind why people fear success, but I know that they do. I have feared it in the past as well. I do not play the lottery, but it is funny to hear people say “What if I win? What will I do with all that money?” Interesting. So you are saying you don’t play the lottery because you are afraid of winning? Or are you afraid of the consequences of winning? A better question might be: Can you handle the success? We must not fear success, lest we fear the very nature of what it means to be human.

So what is the difference between a goal/resolution and a conviction? In my definition, a conviction is a strongly held belief for which you would be willing to fight, face ridicule or persecution, or even die. A more palatable version might be strongly held beliefs that you hold dear; ones that push you on to greater achievements, build your confidence, help others, or change the world. Everyone has different convictions, but you must be willing to face the consequences, either negative or positive, for the convictions you hold.

Having said all of the above, I am going to make conviction my Word of the Year for 2015.  As I go through the coming year, I have to ask myself the following questions daily:  (1) Am I conducting this activity with confidence and enthusiasm?  (2) Am I committed to the results of my activity, be it good or bad? (3) Am I pushing myself beyond the mediocre and not fearing the success that comes from this activity? (4) Am I being faithful to the knowledge, habits, and practices that make the larger activity possible? (5) Am I conducting an activity that helps someone, strengthens my confidence, or benefits the world?

If you are going to be a person of conviction there are a few things you need to consider.  Never believe that you have arrived and never take for granted the fact that you are never alone in your successes.  If you begin to take credit for every success, you will be all alone on your pinnacle at the end of your life. Be kind to those who have contributed to those successes and they will be there to share them with you.  The people you thank may also be a friend when you need one. If your convictions are of the religious sort, remember to thank God for the gift of life and the ability to have goals in the first place. Finally, use the success that comes with these convictions to help those around you, especially those who are different from yourself.

Being a person of conviction takes time, practice, and commitment. Begin the journey today.  I promise it will change your life.

The Greatest Hits / Volume I: 2012-2014

2014

“I choose to be an ally.  That does not mean I will believe everything they believe or live the same way they do.  Four undeniable aspects of my life (being White, male, heterosexual and Christian) will never change.  In respect to those qualities, I will never be anything more or less than the person I am right now.  But I will fight for those that don’t have a voice and prove to them that they have a friend.  This is my manifesto and this is the way I chose to live.” from What Does an Ally Look Like (11/3/14)

“Someday I will see that wandering road behind me; stretch for the past with one hand as I reach in vain for that future reward.

The present is the only gift we have.

The future is not in our hands, but it is in our eyes.”

from The Waiting (11/1/14)

“May love be the last thought on our minds as we slip the bonds of earth and move toward our common destiny, knowing that love will show us the way there.” from A Human Being:  Being Human (8/26/14)

“I hope I can instill a wonder for nature and a love for the environment in my future teachers.  It is not a distraction, but a necessity if we hope to protect this wondrous world that we have been given, as we gently pass it to the next generation.” from For the Love of Nature Part II (5/17/2014)

“I am calling on men to stand up for women, show them respect, allow them to be leaders in society and the church, and help pass legislation to make prostitution, pornography, and the exploitation of women through human trafficking a thing of the past.  We need men strong and confident enough to call themselves feminists and willing to fight for the other half of our society.” from A Call for Equality and Action (Feminism is Not Just for Females Anymore) (4/23/14)

“Both sides clench tight to their ideologies, blinded by knowledge.  Both sides try to outscream the other.  Both sides snear and turn their heads, sticking their fingers in their ears and humming a tune like immature children on a playground.  Many people appear to meet in the middle, like boxers.  They shake hands, but then go back to their corners before proceeding to beat each other to a bloody pulp.” from Man in the Middle (3/31/14)

“..don’t define yourself by any one category. Change the definition of who you are constantly, like a moving target, so that no one define you or think they know everything about you. That is your gift to yourself.” from How Do You Know? (1/26/14)

2013

“The mark of a difference made is not changing the world, because so few of us will.  We may make a name for ourselves in our careers, add to a body of knowledge, and have our 15 minutes of fame, but that success may be short lived. The mark of a difference made is when we fold our hands to leave this world, can we put our regrets to rest and have we proved to our self and others that this life is worth the trouble?” from Change from the Inside Out (12/14/13)

“Maturity means looking in the mirror and smiling at the person you have become, while reflecting the hopes of the person you want to be.” from Growing Up: It’s Not What You Think (12/1/13)

“No matter what color or nation or ideology we share, all people have hopes of making ends meet, feeling the touch of a loved one, or smiling at the joke of a friend.  We all share the color of humanity.” from Colorblind: The Truth in Black and White (11/16/13)

“An abundant life is a series or ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. But every moment is to be experienced, both good and bad.  How can you take out the bad experiences and say you have lived a complete life? Without the bad, life would be a fairy tale and we all know those don’t exist. Life is a series of choices.  Those choices lead to situations that test us, try our patience, and show what we are made of to the world.  How we accept the challenges that come our way tells a lot about our character.” from Go With the Flow (10/13/13)

“I was there when my grandfather passed. I saw his spirit leave with his breath.  The energy and warmth of life left with him as well.  To where it passed is the mystery that we seek to understand.  But that spirit lives on in the living.  It lives on while we breathe and contemplate our existence.  It lives on in the soft embrace of the ones we love.  It lives on in the school children that laugh on playgrounds and in the smiles of proud parents as they rock their babies to sleep.” from The Breath of Life (10/26/13)

“Never lose hope, for the future, whether it is bright or not, is just around the corner and we must face it with all confidence if we are to finish victorious and without regret in this maze we call life.” from Hope: For the Best (9/20/13)

“Failure is always a possibility, but I will never know triumph unless I embrace the possibility of failure, which means accepting my own frail humanity.” from Embracing the Human Experience (8/3/14)

“We are not an accident--we are the legacy that we leave--the footprints and purpose of a life well-lived.” from Legacy (5/26/13) Originally written 3-28-10

“In the end, tears will be shed for me…tears of anger or regret or of love.  But my hope is that He will wipe all those tears away…for whatever reason they are shed.” from Who Do You Think I Am? (3/11/13)

“So should we not strive to be happy? That is definitely not what I am saying. I just think happiness is a moving target. Is the CEO of Walmart any happier than the greeter? Is the pastor of a mega-church any happier than the usher that welcomes guests each Sunday? Our goal in life should never be happiness, as strange as that sounds. There are other things much deeper and nobler: creating novel inventions, saving lives, pushing for social change, developing new ways of approaching a modern problem, encouraging others to keep fighting, feeding the poor, raising confident children, and never giving up in the face of adversity. If your only goal in life is your own happiness, you are missing the point of living.” from Is There Too Much Happiness in the World Today? (2/17/13)

“The season of doubt will pass. As you wait, don't stop doing what we know to be right.  Don't stop being an example of Christ to all those around you.  Do not lose hope, for the future is yours and whether or not you feel His presence, He is the wind at your back and the breeze on your face when the stress of life makes you weary. Be strong and hang on tight to His silent guiding hand.” from Is God Big Enough (1/28/13)

2012

“You think this battle is against everyone else?  You really think anyone cares who crosses the finish line first? This battle is against yourself. It always has been.  You run at your own speed.  You move at your own pace.  It doesn’t matter if you crawl across the finish line---arms bleeding, feet calloused and blistered.   You are your own personal trainer.  You are your own motivational speaker. You are your own cheerleader.  You are the one that makes it happen.  No one is going to run for you.  It is up to you.” from A Message to the Underdog (12/8/12)

“Who are the brave? The ones who get out of bed every morning, take a deep breath, and prepare for battle. They are the ones who throw stones into the water and make as many waves as possible during the time of their “dash”. They know the water will calm when they leave. They know it cannot last forever. But they have not given up on making a difference. They have not given up hope for humanity.” from Making Waves (10/27/13)

“I choose to fall on grace. That is my testimony of brokenness: a Christ-follower who is bumped and bruised and imperfect. Just like the rest of the world.” from Perfection and Other Lies (A Message to the Church) (8/5/12)

“So one person says they have changed. One person says they haven’t. The reality is this: they are both right, and they are both wrong. Change happens. Whether we believe it or not…and whether we see it or not.” from Change: Evolution or Revolution (7/12/12)

“I will always worry about the future. I just have to realize that I am not in control of the outcomes.  There are too many variables beyond our control. I can only take a deep breath and move on the next moment, and treasure each one. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing....

So we CAN travel into the future: one second at a time just like the rest of the world. Make every second count.” from On (Not Back) to the Future (5/24/12)

“Sometimes when I watch a movie that demonstrates a battle between good and evil, I feel pity for the bad guy. It is not because I approve of his bad behavior, but because I know that we are one breath, one heartbeat, one bad choice away from being in their company.” from The Dark Side: The Fine Line Between Good and Evil (5/21/12)

“I guess, in the end maybe we are asking the wrong question. Maybe we need to ask: Are humans capable of great goodness? And for that question, I think the answer is a resounding Yes! If the answer to that question is “Yes”, then there may be hope for mankind after all. We must never stop believing in the potential for people to make good choices.” from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (4/1/12)

“So when peace comes does it stay forever? I would love to say that is the case, but that is not the way life works. When the rain is falling, all hope of sunshine is blurred by the rain. Peace is a mindset; a perspective that has to be renewed occasionally as we remind ourselves that all is well.  It is sometimes elusive and hides when we desire it the most. But it eventually appears when we least expect it, just like a ray of light as it peeks from behind the clouds after days of rain. The sun is shining. All is well.” from Peace, Be Still (3-23-12)

“When you a fill a cup to the rim and keep filling it, where does the excess go? I am not sure, but I know this: my heart overflows with love for my kids. They will always be my legacy and my greatest accomplishment. They were worth it all.....every minute...every second.” from A Pair of Blessings (1/12/12)

“So what is your mountain? What is your obstacle? What is something you have always wanted to do? Take a chance and set a goal to achieve what you never believed to be possible. Life is a series of challenges, and we may not reach every goal we set. But that's alright. Struggle and fight and never give up.” from The Power of a Goal (1/3/12)

“Since turning 40, I have lost weight and gotten in shape, went back to school to pursue my doctorate, and gone through a divorce. I have had humbling experiences and dipped into the lowest parts of my life, but in a sense I have grown stronger. I have learned that I have something to offer the world, and that I am worthy to be loved. The questions continue, and the quest for the person I seek to become. It may sound cliche, but I have learned that life is a journey and not a destination. I will never arrive, and that's alright too. But as Paul said, I "press on", which makes every day another adventure and another footprint in the sand.” from The Journey Begins (1/1/12 My First Blog)

What Does An Ally Look Like?

“…Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” ~ Matthew 7:17-20

There have been many wars fought where the enemy and the ally look very much alike.  Sometimes fighters wear the uniform and color of their side, but other times it is less obvious.  Many times the enemy may put on the clothes or colors of the other side while infiltrating the camp for secrets or to kill them when they are least suspecting it.  The only way to know the enemy is by their actions and their words.  Those two things always give them away.  So it is with an ally.  It is not always easy to recognize who is on your side, even if they look exactly like you. 

Like many others, I fear standing up for those who are persecuted or maligned.  Gay teens bullied by insecure fundamentalists.  Black college students jeered and stereotyped by racists.  Women objectified for their bodies and put in their place by sexists.  Those persecuted for their religious beliefs, or their lack of beliefs.  I have bought the lie that there is nothing I can do.  I am White, heterosexual, Christian, and male.  I am the recipient of privileges just because of those four qualities.  I did not earn those; they came to me by birth.  Even if I refuse to admit that they give me advantages, that does not change the fact that they do. 

But I have moved past the guilt of the sins of my forefathers.  I no longer feel the need to help others out of some misbegotten feeling of guilt or sympathy or even willingness to follow my religious convictions like a checklist.  I have decided that love is the card that trumps all others.  I am no longer scared of people saying some of the following: “You are not Black, so how can you understand racism?”  “You are not gay, so how do you know how it feels to be called a fag?”  “You are not female, so how do you know what it feels like to have your body controlled by old men in political power and told that you are nothing but a symbol of sex?” “You have faith and you believe in a loving God, so how can you understand religious fundamentalists that justify their convictions with the disguise of hate or the atheist that chooses not to believe?”

It is true that I cannot feel those things and no matter how hard I try I will never physically be like them.  But I have empathy.  I have love.  I have a listening ear. I have strong hands that can shake theirs or I can put my arm around their shoulder.  I can even reassure them and cry with them.  I have the ability to see from their perspective and listen to appeals for someone to stand in their corner. I can be someone that sees their point of view and who tries to be the friend they need in their time of need.  I will no longer use the excuse “I am not like them.”  I choose to be the one that sees the least of these (in the eyes of the world) and I will stand with them.  I may get ridiculed for that, even from both sides. The male, Christian, straight, Caucasians may say, “You don’t belong there.  You are not like them.”  Some of those from the mistreated and forgotten groups may say I don’t belong there as well.  I understand that and I even understand why I may not be trusted.  To be misunderstood is something that I may have to live with.  I may never fit it, no matter what I try to do.

I choose to be an ally.  That does not mean I will believe everything they believe or live the same way they do.  Four undeniable aspects of my life (being White, male, heterosexual and Christian) will never change.  In respect to those qualities, I will never be anything more or less than the person I am right now.  But I will fight for those that don’t have a voice and prove to them that they have a friend.  This is my manifesto and this is the way I chose to live.

I hope I am not alone.  As the writer of a famous song once said, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you will join us…and the world will be as one.”

The Waiting

Someday when I grow up

Someday when I finish high school

Someday when I graduate from college

Someday when I finally retire

Someday when I die

Someday

Every part of our lives is a waiting game; a constant struggle between the present and the future.

When will that bright future come?

In vain I try to slow down the cogs of time, yet I also long for them to proceed:

The perfect job; the perfect sunrise or sunset or cloud formation; the perfect time and the perfect place…it is just over the next horizon.

Someday

Peace invades my heart as I grab hold of the present; drink it in; taste its goodness and hold it tight;

But yet it slips away from me and I am back… waiting on that future golden crown

Help me to see what is in front of me; to smile at happy times and pause in the midst of my daily destinations.

For as sure as the future is within our grasp, we will look back at the sands of time that have drained away and wonder why we were moving so fast.

Someday

Someday I will see that wandering road behind me; stretch for the past with one hand as I reach in vain for that future reward.

The present is the only gift we have.

The future is not in our hands, but it is in our eyes.

The Clown and the Lion Tamer

Send in the clowns they say, but

do the clowns really fare any better than the lion tamers?

One appears more serious and defies death every day;

The other pretends to laugh at life and faces inner death at every turn.

The difference is that the lion tamers are constantly on guard and

they know the danger of not paying attention.

Every day they are not eaten is a gift.

The clowns must continue to keep the fake happiness plastered on their face,

no matter how much they hurt underneath and no matter how much they hate the crowd for their soft devotion.

The clowns are the entertainment; after the show they clear off the paint and

blend into the crowd, never taking their painted smiles with them.

For the lion tamer, the night holds no fear, for the beast is in his cage.

Death is around every corner for the lot of us, but the lion tamers

know that they are one bite and one hungry lion away from eternity.

No one is surprised when the lion tamers leave too early—it is the nature of their beasts.

May we see beneath the painted smiles and hold the hand of a clown today,

for every night their paint comes off and they are left with no one to entertain but themselves.

Both clowns and lion tamers must face death, but it does not have to be timely;

            Show love to those who hide beneath their painted smiles. 

For Robin Williams 1951-2014

A Human Being: Being Human (A Poem)

Into a sea of faces I march each day, intrigued by the interactions of people.

The world tells us we are so different:  religion, gender, who we love, our skin color, our language.

Sometimes I like to imagine the world in monochrome with the volume off.  When I see the world that way all I see is billions of souls who laugh, smile, hurt, cry, and long for the touch of another soul.

Are we that much different from each other?

Are the barriers created by man or machines, by God or by governments, by disorder or by distance?

I follow Jesus because he loved them all; but how did he accomplish something that we fail at every day?

If He was human just like us, don’t we have the same power to love and show compassion, to cry with the lonely and hurt with the broken down?

So I move forward, putting steps between me and the clamor of the world, between the world’s negativity and hate and the powers and distractions that beg for my attention.

I choose love, as simplistic and boring as that sounds.  Love that covers a multitude of sins; that moved Jesus to compassion and to pity for those who lived without it.

The sea of faces longs for this love.  May they find it and be thankful with each breath for the gift of life; each rise and fall of our chest a reminder of the journey we all share. 

May love be the last thought on our minds as we slip the bonds of earth and move toward our common destiny, knowing that love will show us the way there. 

Body Check: Dealing with Persistent Problems of Body Image

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Hello.  My name is David and I have a body image problem.  I have always been too skinny or too fat or too big around the middle.  I am never “just right” and I am never lean enough.  There are many reasons that I am a big guy: my genetics (all the guys in my family were big), work ethic (I do just enough at the gym to maintain), and general insecurities that I never have gotten over from childhood.  I also love to eat, refuse to be a vegan, and I don’t really want to work out six hours a day (four or five times a week for about an hour is plenty). Oh, did I mention I REALLY LOVE to eat?

I succumb to all the same media hype that brainwashes many women. For them, it is the supermodels, Victoria’s Secret angels, and the fit actresses. For men, it is the Ralph Lauren cologne models, the athletes with six-pack abs, and the bodybuilders.  Men will not admit it, but they are influenced by the “ideal” body image more times than they want to admit.

This is a problem that I will undoubtedly deal with the rest of my life. There are a number of ways to address this issue. The first is to give up hope and let your body run into disrepair, give yourself some slack, and let nature take its course.  You can look at the people in your family and just resign yourself to the fact that you will look like your older relatives someday.  Cancel your gym membership (that’s a waste of money anyway).  Eat whatever you want. You may still exercise, but just enough to keep up with your food consumption.  If you run a mile, that means you can get a double cheeseburger instead of a single and don’t have to feel guilty about those second helpings.

A second option is to put your training regimen into third or fourth gear.  Hire a personal trainer and completely change your eating habits. Only shop at the health food store. Take enough vitamins every day to hear yourself rattle when you walk. Never indulge or treat yourself.  Stay away from all bad foods and beverages and work out incessantly. Sadly, after six months, you will look in the mirror and probably still not be happy. There will always be the person at the gym with lower body fat or more developed muscles.  You may have an amazing body, but other body image issues will take over.  For women, certain body parts will give in to the effects of gravity. For men, your hairline will continue to recede no matter how fast you try to hold it back.

There has to be a middle ground and I am constantly searching for it.  I want to challenge and push myself, but also know that it is impractical to work out three hours a day. Sure I could do it for a few months, but there is no way I could keep it up for years. I want to find exercises that keep me in shape, add variety to my routine, and continue to improve a little each year.  I am a person that likes to set goals, so I have chosen to run a couple of 5Ks a year and walk one or two as well.  As far as food goes, I want to start eating cleaner and continue to keep away from fries, buffets, and opportunities to overeat. But I must learn to give myself a few days a month to indulge. I will occasionally have the fries, but very rarely. I will teach myself to stop eating when I want to keep going. I also want to work on my body fat and bring it down to a reasonable level.  I will probably never have six-pack abs, but that’s alright.

The key is learning to be discontented with your body without choosing either extreme. I think a slight unhappiness with your body is a good thing, but only as it compares to your personal motivations.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to look a certain way.  Be your own personal trainer and push yourself, but find a few friends that can give you a nudge when you need it. Get in shape and stay in shape for the right reasons, mainly for your health and to be able to have an active and productive life.

My name is David and I will always be unhappy with my body.  As long as I don’t reach the point of obsession, that is a great problem to have. I just have to stay balanced, but always choose to keep changing, moving, and pushing myself forward for a long and healthy life.

The Summer of My Discontent

“Intention, good or bad, is not enough.”

~John Steinbeck, from The Winter of Our Discontent

For many years I was taught that being discontented is a bad thing.  As Christians, I was told, we should always be filled with joy and that discontent is a sign of weakness. I was told we should never be unhappy with our life because we have so much to be thankful for, especially in America.  Maybe it is a defect in my personality, but I have always disagreed slightly with that philosophy.

For years, I was continually fighting my weight.  I was in a constant struggle with food that I always lost.  At some point, I resigned to the fact that I had no control over food, that I could not exercise regularly because of a plethora of reasons, and that I just needed to accept my life in its current state.  It was the same with my job.  I had dreamed of getting my doctorate and teaching at the college level, but more than once I gave up on that dream as well. In a sense, I was content with the person I had become, but hating that person at the same time.  Because that was my present reality, I felt that would be my reality for the rest of my life.

Then the age of 40 reared its ugly head.  Forty is a magical and terrifying age.  It is not the age to look back and have regrets or look forward with dread. I had done many great things: successful teacher, loving father, active in my church and singing regularly, and a seemingly happy husband. But under the surface bubbled an insecure person that was bursting at the seams to get out and do something different.  This was not the person I wanted to be and I felt I had to make a change for the sake of my sanity. 

Now I am happier than I have ever been, and one reason for that transformation is because of my discontent.  I want to be a better professor next year than I was this year.  I want to learn more every day, gain more skills, teach different classes, improve my writing, and open up a part of myself that I never knew existed.  I want to continually improve my fitness level and find new challenges to pursue. I kept most of my weight off in the last five years, ran a whole 5K, and pushed myself in the gym every time I went.  But that is not enough.  I know I can do better, push myself harder, run faster, or make changes that will make me feel better about my body.

I know skeptics will say: “How do you know when you have reached the point where you are happy with yourself?”  If they say that, they have missed the whole point. I never want to be content with where I am. I know someday I will look back and applaud what I have accomplished, but I hope that I will still be pursuing new challenges until the day I die. I want to be like Betty White, still acting in her 90s. I want to be Willie Nelson (minus his obvious bad habit), who got a Black Belt in Karate at 82.  I want to be like Bill Cosby, still active and extremely funny well into his 80s.  I don’t want to worry about death at every corner, but I want to naively pretend I will live forever. 

Yes, I am an idealist, but that is the way I choose to live.  I want to always be looking for the next challenge, reading the next book, or wondering what is around the next corner.  I want to continually be striving to improve myself, as well as taking care of the ones I love, supporting my children as they transform into adults, training my body into submission, becoming a more effective college instructor and mentor, and seizing ways to make a difference in other peoples’ lives every day. 

Will you join me? The only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself.

Let’s get going!  It is a long summer, so we better get started.

For the Love of Nature, Part II

“We shall never achieve harmony with land, any more than we shall achieve absolute justice or liberty for people. In these higher aspirations the important thing is not to achieve, but to strive.”~Aldo Leopold

Part I of this story began almost 20 years ago.  I was teaching an environmental unit with my middle school science students called “Mission:  New Earth”.  We decorated the room, had guest speakers, worked in teams, and recorded video commercials to promote starting over on a new planet after ours was left desolate and depleted.  It was Project Based Learning before I even knew what I was doing; back then we called it interdisciplinary learning. I truly enjoyed teaching the unit and had it published in Science Scope in 1997. 

After teaching that project for four years, I moved to a different middle school and conducted field trips to a local watershed with my seventh grade science students.  In 1998, Gary Endsley and I started the Environmental Technology Camps with Texas Parks and Wildlife and I became involved with River Basins Institute. We conducted the camps for five years and they were very successful.  During that time, I also taught High School Biology and Environmental Science in Queen City and even started an outdoor learning center.

The summer camps featured field trips and science activities in the morning and technology applications in the afternoon.  We offered day camps for middle school and elementary students, including Creepy Crawley Critters, Archaeology Academy, and Junior Master Gardener.  We learned about forestry and tested water and took field trips to local water treatment plants and the Freshwater Fisheries Center in Athens.  The highlight of the summer was a three-day trip to Caddo Lake, where we met with Wildlife Biologists, took boat rides, tested water, and stayed in cabins. 

The camps eventually lost their funding and my time at River Basins Institute ended, but my love for nature never did. Gary and I got busy with other interests and I began working on a lifelong dream of getting my doctorate and teaching at the college level. Now that I am settled into a job preparing science and math teachers, my love for nature and environmental science has been rekindled. I am currently working on strengthening a partnership between UTeach and River Legacy Living Science Center in Arlington. I will also attend an environmental camp this summer sponsored by Luminant Energy.

As I walked today on a local nature trail in DFW, I was struck with the connections between man and his local environment.  On my left side was the Trinity River, wetlands, and fields of wildflowers.  I could hear the chirping of birds, saw a turtle getting warm on a log, watched a majestic Great Blue Heron take wing, and saw a long garter snake race across the sidewalk.  On my right, I could hear the roar of cars and diesels moving across George Bush Tollway (Hwy 161).  It seemed like such a contrast. Some would think it is sad that man has encroached on nature and taken away the luster of the natural world. But I see it differently. I am blessed that I can experience a place where people recognize the eternal interplay between man and nature.  It is not an either/or scenario.  It will always be a balance between the needs of mankind (transportation, housing, etc.) and the magnificence of nature. I want to teach students that we must create harmony between the two.  But we must also teach our children the importance of nature and let them see its value, beauty, and necessity.

I hope I can instill a wonder for nature and a love for the environment in my future teachers.  It is not a distraction, but a necessity if we hope to protect this wondrous world that we have been given, as we gently pass it to the next generation.  

A Call for Equality and Action (Feminism is Not Just for Females Anymore)

“Of all the evils for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

One of the many things I have learned during this year of living in the big city is how to understand people that are different than myself.  I purposefully became an Affiliate Faculty of the Center for African American Studies. I also audited a class called Introduction to African American Studies. Being a white male, many would think I do not belong there. But what I have learned has been priceless.  To understand a culture other than my own is truly a gift.

I also want to understand the plight of females in a male-dominated world.  In my time here, I have also come to realize how women have been marginalized throughout history.  They were only given the right to vote less than 100 years ago.  In many parts of the world, they are still not permitted to speak or attend school.  I am specifically interested in why they are in such low numbers in the fields of science and technology. So what is happening in society and what can we do about it? I think we need more males who recognize that they can be categorized as feminists.

Many people fight for the rights of minorities, but do not see the stereotypes, abuse, and miscategorization of women as a problem.  Women are told they should keep quiet and let men run the show. They are denied equal wages, told what to do with their bodies (mostly by men in power), and told that they cause themselves to be raped by the way they dress.  They are also used as sex symbols and asked to follow a standard of beauty that is rare and fake.  I know men have their own problems, but how many men have been raped and then told it was because their jeans were too tight or the shirt they were wearing showed their muscles. It is crazy, but that is how our messed-up world works many times.

They deserve more than respect, they deserve an equal place in society.  We need to showcase the female heroes such as the Rosey the Riveters, the senators and doctors, entertainers, housewives, astronauts, and engineers that have enriched out lives.  We also need to recognize the women who work so hard to raise their families when fathers are absent or abusive.  Women deserve to be respected, which includes being protected from abuse at the hands of boyfriends and husbands.

Recently, I have been observing classrooms and, more than once, the teachers have overlooked the female students, asked more difficult questions of the male students, let them drive the conversations, and allowed male students to “save” the females students after they could not answer a question.  It is so subtle that no one even notices the bias.  We have to train teachers to have equal expectations of all their students and push their female students to pursue any career they want, even those traditionally held by men.

I am calling on men to stand up for women, show them respect, allow them to be leaders in society and the church, and help pass legislation to make prostitution, pornography, and the exploitation of women through human trafficking a thing of the past.  We need men strong and confident enough to call themselves feminists and willing to fight for the other half of our society.

Colors

When we gaze upon the many colors of our skin,

We seek to understand how those colors create

attitudes or bring to mind stories from history clouded with hate; lead

others to think their colors are more pure than the rest.

Like a box of crayons, each color brings forth a memory or

emotion or feeling; many constructed by rules we have set.

Each color in the box has a story—of struggle and perseverance,

            hoping for others to have a vision that is both

            clear and colorful at the same time.

As I see students pass, I see the culture in their eyes.

As they speak, a choir of melodies brings their culture alive.

Although I cannot understand them, I speak their language of equality

            and feel their need for respect, their need to open the eyes of the

            blind and the colorblind.

Every color in the box has a beautiful story to tell and a resilient future to build.

4-16-14

Man in the Middle

“One of the criminals who were hanged there was hurling abuse at Him, saying, "Are You not the Christ? Save Yourself and us!"  But the other answered, and rebuking him said, "Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation?  "And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong."  And he was saying, "Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!"  And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."  Luke 23: 39-43

I am a Christian. I have many beliefs that are not popular with fundamentalist views, but neither am I resigned to the drone of atheist naysayers. Both sides have the right to speak, and they both raise their voices like a sounding gong. In the middle is where I sit.  Waiting. Listening.  Hoping the clamor will cease.  But it never does. Why can’t I turn and run to one side or the other?  Why can’t I latch on to the certainty of a side and hold on tight.

Both sides clench tight to their ideologies, blinded by knowledge.  Both sides try to outscream the other.  Both sides snear and turn their heads, sticking their fingers in their ears and humming a tune like immature children on a playground.  Many people appear to meet in the middle, like boxers.  They shake hands, but then go back to their corners before proceeding to beat each other to a bloody pulp.

I always go back to the person of Jesus.  A man on a cross, hanging there for us.  Between two thieves arguing over their crimes.  Jesus speaks blessings on one and is silent to the other. Why is that so? Then it hit me.  Humility.  The criminal who begged for mercy was humble, to the point of asking for blessings even though he was just as guilty as the other man.  Jesus was always a man in the middle.  He was caught between the emptiness and fickleness of the crowd, following him for a mouth full of bread, and the Pharisees blinded by their own righteousness.  I sometimes wonder where I would have been.  Was there anyone else in the middle in Jesus’ time? 

The disciples, for whatever reason unique to each one, stayed with Jesus.  He had the answers.  He had the “words of life.”  They had nowhere else to go. To leave Jesus was to leave their source of strength.  To leave him meant disappearing into the crowd or parading around the temple in fine robes. Either choice was unacceptable.

Recently, I have learned that I ride the middle of controversial issues so many times.  I want to make both sides happy.  I want to keep the peace; to be a peacemaker.  Although it is not a comfortable place to be, that is where I choose to stay.  It is painful, like a teacher breaking up a fight between two bullies, catching the brunt of their anger.  The balm that soothes my heart is the phrase “I see your point.”  I don’t expect them to change, because bullies rarely do. But the hope of communication and lasting peace is more than pie in the sky.  It is the hope of all mankind. Throughout history we have failed to make peace materialize. But I will never give up.

I am not talking about Utopia, because I don’t believe it exists. But I do believe in the peaceful innocence of two small children walking hand in hand, and pray that someday we may find the peace of a small child in a world full of bullies.

Are you a Ragamuffin?

“And Grace calls out, 'You are not just a disillusioned old man who may die soon, a middle-aged woman stuck in a job and desperately wanting to get out, a young person feeling the fire in the belly begin to grow cold. You may be insecure, inadequate, mistaken or potbellied. Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted.' Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted.” ~ Brennan Manning

The Rich Mullins biopic “Regamuffin” was not what I expected.  It was not a movie specifically about Rich Mullins, but a movie about all of us. Those of us beaten down by life.  Those of us who have felt the pangs of death, faced the ravages of our bad choices, and who have experienced grace first hand. I had heard that Rich was rough around the edges, but that was an understatement. He was far from perfect. He smoked, had a tendency to drink excessively, and had a problem with language.  He always looked disheveled, almost homeless.  If he had wandered into a church today, he might not have been welcome (kind of like Jesus).  He did not play by the rules and he was not even sure what the rules were. 

I came out of the movie a little confused. Aren’t we supposed to worship people in the media, even Christian artists? With their shiny CD covers and their world tours, aren’t they immune to pain. Aren’t they prayed-up, confessed-up, slickly dressed little church-goers.  I believe the movie helped me not to see Rich as some kind of martyr or a saint that I could follow and emulate. I saw him as more human than I ever believed.  I see his reflection when I look in the mirror.  But he came to understand grace, especially after meeting Brennan Manning and realizing how much God loved him. As he sang in Everyman,

“And the Lord looks down and He understands

The world draws up it’s lines,

But at the foot at the cross there is room for everyone.

And love that is not blind

It can look at who we are and still see beyond

The differences we find….”

The movie was extremely emotional, with portions bordering on ecstasy as I listened to renditions of his wonderful music by the actor who portrayed him. I tossed and turned the night after the movie, wondering what the primary message was supposed to be. I finally came to this one-word conclusion:  grace. It is the most powerful and misunderstood gift that the Father has given us. And it is available for everyone.  The movie also reminded me that I am not perfect, but I am loved.  If that is the gift that Rich gave us in his short 42 years, then his life has meaning beyond his music.  May love guide my life and may I always do what my heart tells me, just as he did. At the height of his music popularity, he chose to leave Nashville and pursue a dream of serving American Indian children with the gift of music. He lived his own life, as rough and unpopular as he might have been with even some in the Christian community. I am thankful for his life and legacy and for the opportunity to experience grace, like everyone who has ever been born.

I am a ragamuffin. And it’s OK. All of us are, even if we don’t know it.

The Reality of Loneliness

When evening draws to a close, and the night’s silent whispers

Bring to mind the emptiness of the night, I wish for the arms of my love

And hope that those arms will bring me warmth and peace

Loneliness is common to every man, a stalking beast with a split personality

Sometimes leading us toward a sense of terror and despair but at the same time

Giving us comfort from the world’s noise; how can that be?

What I learn from being alone is to enjoy the quiet and disappear in my thoughts,

To dream of past and future; to wonder what might have been and what will be.

Loneliness is a silent partner that speaks the loudest in your heart.

How can we be lonely in a crowd of thousands; why don’t those faces bring us comfort,

Knowing that their hearts beat just like ours and they seek the same things?

Somehow a veil hides the truth; we somehow worry that loneliness is unique to us.

Kingdoms rise and fall, yet great men and women of power and prestige 

All share the common emotion of loneliness at one point in their lives.

Comfort may come in many forms, some destructive and some in a lover’s embrace.

Loneliness is a chronic illness that shows itself even in times of great joy and great happiness

Like a tank of gas that has to be replenished, love is the only thing that can fill that void:

Love of a mighty God, a soft voice, or the children of your inheritance, all these may be used as a salve for this disease.

We must all face the beast, but know that time alone is both a blessing and a curse.

Make of it what it needs to be; a time of reflection and review; a time of hope and strength;

Know that it will come and go, but fill the emptiness as you must.

When the morning shines anew, loneliness fades with the newness of hope.

How Do You Know?

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~Albert Einstein

As I have said before, this life produces more questions than it does answers. As soon as we accept that notion, the more understanding we will be of other people and their personalities, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. In the last few months I have run into statements that beg the question “How do you know?”  I will present each statement and then discuss my thoughts on that mentality.

I am not racist.  Many people believe racism is dead just because we elected a Black president. I would love for that to be the case.  I believe racism, sexism, classism, and all its filthy counterparts are alive and well in America. They reside in the hearts of anyone with a beating heart.  However, there is quite a difference between being racist, and being a racist.  All of us harbor feelings about other races that surface at times when we least expect them, untrue beliefs about individuals and what they stood for, and stereotypes taught to us at a young age. But we can change and grow.  For example, I recently read the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I had heard that he was a hate monger and preached violent revolution.  Although the first few years of his time after prison were marked by radical thoughts and feelings toward whites as being evil, his views changed drastically the last two years of his life. But you would only know that if you read and discovered these facts by yourself.  I guess my point is that you should not judge someone without the facts.  You should also believe that anyone, because of the fact that they are human, can harbor some feelings of racism. We must weigh each thought and action and strive to see all others as equals. It can be a struggle, but we are all capable of change.

I am a ____________________(teacher, preacher, mother, father, lawyer, etc).  My profession is teaching. I have a gift for it and I have taught all the way from middle school to my present job as a college professor.  But that does not define me completely.  I am also a father and a Christian and a son.  All of those facets of me shine forth at different times in my life. If I believe that if I am defined as just a teacher, then I miss the chance to grow and develop those other parts of my life.  When you ask a woman what she does and she responds, hanging her head, that she is just a stay-at-home mom, that makes me sad. Mainly because she has put herself in a box and defined herself in those terms. She should be proud of her position and it is a worthwhile job indeed.  I love my kids, but the reality is that they eventually grow up and develop a life for themselves, and your interactions with them will wane.  If you define yourself as just a mother and the kids grow up, you have limited your ability to change and grow the other areas in your life that are hidden, and you may fall into depression when they move out.  So don’t define yourself by any one category. Change the definition of who you are constantly, like a moving target, so that no one define you or think they know everything about you. That is your gift to yourself.

I could never do_________________because that is not who I am.  Whether it is good or bad, never say that you are not capable of something. Many people say they are incapable of great sin or failure and, when it happens, they are so surprised.  They have discounted the fact that they are human beings with a tendency to screw up. No one is immune.  People also limit themselves because they feel something is not within their personality or present abilities.  Whether we want to accept it or not, everyone can change. Are you the same person you were in high school?  I hope not. So don’t discount the fact that you might be able to do something great and new. Run that marathon. Get that additional degree. Prove to yourself and others that you are capable of much more than they or yourself ever thought.  I am living proof that your personality changes and your abilities can change as you age.  Five years ago I had nearly given up on my life and on being healthy.  Now I have a doctorate and exercise at least 4 times a week.  You can change. Give yourself that opportunity. Be a lifelong learner and be willing to learn by forcing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. That is the key to growth.

This is what I heard...  Never believe anything unless you find out for yourself.  Read a book.  Watch a movie.  Do some library or Internet research.  In the Malcolm X book, he talks about the fact that he never trusted anyone 100%.  The most he would ever trust anyone was 75%.  That is a good policy to have. Many people put too much stock in “man” instead of finding out for themselves.  Do not let anyone rule you or push you around. Think for yourself. If you want to know the truth about a person’s life, read their biography.  If you want to know about a subject in more detail, don’t just ask others, but seek and find the answer for yourself.  Open your eyes to the possibility that there is something you don’t know. Be an explorer and discover the truth.  In many ways, it will “set you free”.  Also, don’t believe things about yourself that you know are untrue. In the court of public opinion, others may crucify you, but inside your heart you know the kind of person you are and no one can change that. If your reputation has been scarred, start building a new one.  Prove to those who don’t believe in you that you still believe in yourself.

I am a Christian, and this is what that should look like.  In my life as a Christian, I have changed a number of times.  I was Catholic growing up and changed to the Baptist church in my early twenties.  In the last 25 years, my view of the church has changed in many ways. In the last couple of years, I have come to realize that Christians come in many shapes and sizes and with a range of beliefs related to the church and Christ himself.  All I know is that I am a follower of the person Jesus Christ.  Be nervous of anyone that comes to you and says “This is the way a Christian needs to be…and there is no variation.”  I love meeting Christians of other denominations and talking with them about their faith. I also want to talk to other faiths and learn about their traditions.  That does not make me less of a Christian.  I just want to see the perspective that others have about life and how they live out their faith.  In the end, as Christians, we have to make up our minds about how we will follow Jesus, and it will constantly change and evolve the longer we live. Finally, don’t blame the church for its failures in the past. Know that churches are run by imperfect individuals with a propensity to fail.  Go back to the teachings of the man known as Christ and your faith will be renewed.

Some of these comments may offend my readers.  So I remind you that these are my beliefs. Make up your mind for yourself if you believe them or not.  But most of all, use your mind when making decisions in life. Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t ever believe you have arrived. Most of all, don’t put yourself in a box.  You are so much more to yourself and the world.

A Letter to Dr. King (From a White Brother)

“The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.  We cannot walk alone.” 

~Martin Luther King, Jr. from his I Have a Dream Speech

Dear Dr. King,

It has been over 50 years since your famous speech.  I was not born until 1967, so I missed all of the Civil Rights movement. I was still in diapers on that fateful day when you left us too soon.

I would have loved to know you. I can see us sitting down for coffee and talking about the fate of mankind if hate continued to rule the day; to hear the stories of how you marched and gave speeches and prayed for hope.  I wonder what you would think about the progress we have made for racial equality.  There are hundreds of streets named after you; one in at least every major city.  We have a national holiday set aside in your name.  A day to remember.  A day to serve.  We elected a Black president in 2008, a great sign indeed.  But there are many roads to cross and many miles to go before your dream is realized.  I think you would have hoped for so much more.

Unemployment and crime are still too high.  A staggering number of Black men populate the prison systems. Black females are not given equal footing in employment.  Education, though better, is still segregated by income and location.  Black children are denied an equal education in many parts of the country.  Racism is still an ever-present reality, though now it lurks in the shadows and hides in plain sight.

Many have tried to attack your legacy by labelling you as a troublemaker and by reminding us that you had sins and failures as a man.  I choose to ignore those comments, because I have had my own failures.  I am an imperfect Christian just as you were and have made my share of mistakes, but that does not discount my legacy any more than it did yours.  I overcame those failures in my life and earned a doctorate in 2013.  Now I can use my knowledge and experiences to do research on Black students pursuing science careers and also train future science and math teachers who are sensitive to the needs of many races and cultures.

I cannot speak for the rest of the nation and the world, but one of the greatest changes has been within my own heart.  I confronted my demons and stared my stereotypes and prejudices in the face.  I cannot say they have all been conquered.  They still rear their ugly head at times.  But I have learned how much privilege I have because of the color of MY skin. I also realized the profound difference I can make in this world by growing in the strength of my empathy, listening to the stories of those scarred by racism, and doing research into the lived experiences of Black college students, scientists, and science and math teachers.  I am also reading every piece of literature I can find about the Black experience.  It will never be enough, but it is a start.

Finally, I am auditing a class at my current university called Intro to African American Studies.  On the first day of class, I felt the reality of psychologist Claude Steele’s theory of stereotype threat when I walked into a class of 36 Black students, one Asian student, and one very White guy (me).  I wondered if I belonged there and I wondered what you would have thought of my being there. I have come to realize that you would have applauded my presence. Just the fact that the class is allowed and welcomed on the campus is the first victory. The second is that I can stand with my Black brothers and sisters and experience their culture firsthand. It was hard not to cry the first day of class, as I considered what a privilege it was to be there.  I look forward to learning and growing the rest of the semester.

There are many people that I would love to meet who have gone on before us, and you are one. As a Christian, we both believe the day will come when we can share our stories for eternity. I look forward to meeting you and shaking your hand.  Thank you for your legacy.  May we repay you by working tirelessly so that your dream will not be in vain.

Sincerely,

Dr. David Sparks

January 20, 2014