The Time is At Hand/Tempus Est in Manu

I have spent my whole life trying figure out who I am.

I remember fast approaching my 40s and realizing the person I had built was a facade. A fake. For many years I played the role of the perfect father, trusting in alliances, institutions, and pledges that once seemed so firm and secure. Though the walls came crumbling down, the firm foundation has remained intact.

So I began the process of re-building this imperfect man. A robot from spare parts. Frankenstein’s monster. I have spent the last 15 years making that monster into something useful, necessary, and practical. I am no longer a work in progress. I am a work in its definitive stages.

The rebuilding was not easy; it was a laborious and painful period of growth. But what a joy it was to languish in the journey. Now the chrysalis is bursting, cracked and ready to let me out into the world. It is time to unfold my wings.  

The foundation for this new life was built long before my 40^th year. That person, though I say that I hated him, had many qualities that I have retained for these defining years. Now the time of my late-stage renaissance has arrived.

This finished production is not to be completed and hung in a museum or collect dust in a trophy case. It is ready to be revealed. It is time for the curtain to part and the show to begin.

The persona and performance is complete. I know what to do. The time for degrees and trophies and shiny awards is past. The time for imparting my experiences to the world is at hand. I must use the skills I have learned these past 15 years to gather the necessary elements to finish the sculpture. I cannot do it on brute force and wishes alone, but I must pull from the deep well of time, wisdom, and confidence that has propelled me into my coming future.

The lump of clay is nearing its completion. The details will continue to be carved and refined, and the rough places smoothed with precision. Then the refining fire will take me from the proposal to the creation to the promised land. 

The fire I am building may be extinguished or burn itself out. But it is my sincere hope that it will be a steadfast torch that lights the way for many and provides comfort in its warmth.

It is time to finish strong. There can be no other way.