Sunday, December 23, 2018

Do Not Mourn the Past, but Embrace the Now

I should not mourn for the things I have lost,
Yet I cling to those memories like a life raft and
Mourn the days of trumpets and special music performances,
Neighborhood playgrounds and decorating classrooms in August.

Now my baritone voice has grown silent and my
Trumpet has long-since been sold.

Now I take joy in the music of others and smile at the
Mobiles hung in the classrooms of teachers bursting with infectious idealism.

Now knowledge is my canvas, and words are my paint as
I train others to see through the eyes of love and give voice to the silent.

Former passions have been replaced by new ones, as I embrace the blessings of bygone love
And watch children become teenagers and college-goers become dedicated adults.
I do not mourn their lost childhood, but cherish my new role as watcher and guardian.

Now I see the path that is before me; looking back does no good, but only
Reminds me of broken twigs and failures I left in the path for others to clean up.

I cannot change the past, nor is it prudent to dream of time traveling
Machines and unconscious what-ifs
Because the past, like a classic novel, has already been written.

The now is all that remains, even as I look toward some imagined future of eternal reward;
That bright and shining city tempts me to rest in my past triumphs,
But my only way is forward.

There are still castles to explore and dragons to fight as I trek this mysterious journey,
Holding on to the past as a quiver of arrows to protect the precarious path ahead.

The past is only a faint yet powerful memory that stubbornly holds us fast to nostalgia, which
Satisfies for a moment, but in the end rusts like a creaky gate.

Do not mourn the immutable past, but embrace the now
As you move forward in grace, dignity, and purpose.



Tuesday, October 23, 2018

If I Could Take Your Burden Away


The feelings you hold inside produce a storm
That rages daily without relief,
Even as the shadows and drizzling rain
Replace your pain with soothing melancholy.

I see your pain, feel your despair quickly replaced
By hope, then crashing back to its well-known abyss.

Sometimes my optimism seems like a curse,
When I want to take all your pain, bitterness and worry and
Consume it like a cancer with no regard for my life.
But I know that is not what you want,
Your loving and calm spirit wishes only for a relief from the darkness,
Not to drag others into your painful reality.

If love could cure the pain, I would heap it on you like soothing coals to
Burn away the scars, or like a blanket to cover you with the warmth of hope.

I will stand with you, strengthen you, carry your burden and
Retain the book of confidence for you, to read you bedtime stories
Of a little boy who crossed a great chasm,
Who fought dragons of internal despair and self-doubt,
And who emerged victorious at the end of your perilous journey
With an unbelieving backward gaze at all you have conquered.

I cannot write the story of triumph for you, but
I will always be there to carry your burden and read you the
Adventures of your life as you, in undying confidence and strength,
Write the next chapter. 

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Crossroads

I feel like I am at a critical crossroads in my life.

Although I have accomplished almost every goal I ever wanted, it is not enough.

I feel like all I have done so far will be for nothing if I don’t reach this goal; like every positive thing I have ever believed about myself will be a joke, a cruel lie.
It is close enough to taste, but I have so much more work to do.
It is overwhelming sometimes. I want to give up, but that is not in my nature.
I picture my skeptics in the background with their ugly smirks, reminding me that I chose this life, so I should stop complaining; ready to break out their “I told you so” retorts when I have failed. 
But rather than shrinking back or retreating, I push forward; knowing that there is always a chance I will fail, but clinging to the chances of success like a warrior preparing for battle. 
I may fail, but if I do, I will not go down without a fight.
This is my time to shine, to show everyone I deserve to be here.
I want to show my family and friends to never give in to negativity or cynicism, never doubt yourself, and never give up on your dreams.
Fight for everything, and in that battle you will find the will to keep going.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

The Power of “One” - A Letter to ALL My Children

Dear Children (and Those I Call My Own):

A year from now, a new phase of your life will be over, and one more will be ready to begin. I have seen you mature and develop over the last few years. I have seen you struggle, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue the journey. I have seen you cry and say goodbye to someone you love. I have seen you wonder if all this pain and struggle is worth it. I have a short answer for you: YES! You were designed not just for some heavenly purpose, but for much earthly good.

Never underestimate the power of one. In one year, you will be starting a new journey, so be the one person who shows those around you a picture of strength and perseverance. It might be a family member, a friend, a brother or sister, or a potential student or coworker. Many times I have received messages that said: “You were the one who inspired me” or “You were the one who made me feel like it was OK to be myself” or “You were the one who taught me to love learning and push me toward a path of knowledge” or “You were the one friend that remained when I needed one.” I do not take any of those comments for granted, and neither should you.

Finish your degree. Finish those certifications. Finish that goal of doing something you want to do but never believed you could. Start a new job where you have no idea what you are doing. It’s OK. There is always one more goal to complete, followed by one more, and then another…until there are no more “ones” to be done.

You may not feel like you can affect someone every day, or move them toward greatness, but you will. You may inspire someone across the world that you will never meet, and never know the impact you had on them. This kind of lasting mark takes the faith to know that each hurdle is for a reason. And that reason could be that because you did it, others can follow in your footsteps. Be the one that causes people to stumble into greatness.

No money? Money will come if you keep seeking excellence and never stop learning.

No one to share your life with? Be patient, there is always someone who will love you for who you are.

No end in sight? Be strong, my friend. The end is the just the beginning.

I will be the one standing in the shadows with a smile, whistling and applauding as you to finish the race. Do the same for someone else. Be their one.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

What Does It Mean to Be Alive?

Beating, pounding, thumping, pulsing…
Day after day our heart propels us through life. Yet we are oblivious to it’s frailty.

Thinking, worrying, planning, deciding…
The sparks of intelligence course through our synapses.  Yet we try to control these thoughts like the flick of a switch.

Walking, running, pacing, striding…
On to our next obligation or appointment. Yet when we reach our destination, have we really arrived?

We cling to happiness like it is something we can own, but we know it really owns us. Happiness gives clarity to all that is light and dark, real and unreal, lasting and vanity.

Nothing is under our control, and that realization keeps us on our guard. It helps us to breath when we must and hold our breath when the air is too hard to take in.

All we can do is make confident choices that take us to the next plateau. We can push forward or we can allow the world to pass us by.

To be alive, we must give up all control, for in that abandon we find that love is the key to the opened door.

Love binds us together like a missing ingredient.
Love gives hope to our anguished souls.
Love takes us onward when looking back is too painful.

To live is to breath, to see, to feel, to hope.

Our body and soul perform a tangled dance of ebb and flow, chaos and comfort, clarity and confusion.

We think we have a grasp on what it means to live and to be alive, but we sometimes forget these two are rarely the same.














Friday, March 16, 2018

The Dragon's Heart

Coming home grounds me, takes me back to simpler times,
When answers were easy and the only decisions to make were what to wear and when to eat.
Nothing is simple now.
Not my wandering mind, nor a heart that longs to find peace in the midst of daily storms.
The road ahead is paved with trouble of my own creation, a world of my own choice.

Yet I embrace this dragon, this beast that seemed like a good idea;
A time when taming dragons demonstrated noble pursuits and even nobler people.
But the dragon has grown and it needs more and more to sustain itself.
I am in awe of its beauty, even as I sense its ability to burn me up with one casual breath.

I want to grow close to this beast, to understand it and match the heat of its intensity.
But it is not my friend. It tolerates me and expects me to give it more than I am willing to concede.
I cannot release it. It is too much a part of me to grant it freedom now.

So I move forward with resolve; fearful of what I have become.
Embracing this changling, this dragon-like beast that only a few years ago
Cowered in fear at the unknown world that I was creating.
As I accept the task at hand, I know a piece of me may be destroyed in the process.

A new creation will emerge, one that resembles the old in strange and familiar ways.
A steadfast creature, standing firm in my resolve to defeat the person inside,
Even as I realize that indelible part of me was never meant to die.

Victory is elusive, yet it calls to me like a siren song.
Like the call of a beast longing for its familiar home.

Even when the victory is won, the battle inside will rage on,
Till the dual heart we share beats no more.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Greatest Hits Volume II: 2015-2017

“As I go through the coming year, I have to ask myself the following questions daily:  (1) Am I conducting this activity with confidence and enthusiasm?  (2) Am I committed to the results of my activity, be it good or bad? (3) Am I pushing myself beyond the mediocre and not fearing the success that comes from this activity? (4) Am I being faithful to the knowledge, habits, and practices that make the larger activity possible? (5) Am I conducting an activity that helps someone, strengthens my confidence, or benefits the world?”
From The Power of Conviction - Dec. 24, 2014

“Wherever I look the winter takes hold; a warm shelter keeps my thoughts at bay, but they powerfully swirl in my mind and soothe me...memories have a way of sustaining us…they must keep me content as each passing hour unfreezes the hands of time.”
From Winter’s Prisoner – March 1, 2015

“Some of us feel the burden of our own insecurities.  We carry around our fears and imperfections and they are almost too much to bear.  Sometimes I feel like Superman; like I can take on the world. Then sometimes I feel like a little boy running around the back yard with a red cape on, pretending that I have to power to do great things. But inside, I feel the smallness of my limited power and size.”
From I am NOT Superman – March 15, 2015

“Whatever your mountain may be, do not deem it impossible, even though a thousand
glances have presented you with the same impossible conclusion.
There is a better way.
Follow the path of those who succeeded where many have stared and pondered their failure.
Rise on their shoulders and on their backs.
Find a way”
From Parable of the Mountain – May 2, 2015

“I felt strangely calm with the whole scene and strangely un-judgmental. I pictured Jesus looking over the crowd of followers or across the party of the rejected sinners and having compassion on them all. Not judging them, but loving them.  Pure, immeasurable love. For a moment I felt the same emptiness of forethought, the same purity of love that the Bible talks about. For a moment I felt like this “love they neighbor” thing was at once a possibility.”
From Once Upon a Time at Walmart… - June 27, 2015

“Breathing is the only thing we must do to help the grief subside;
Time continues on and eases the pain with each new turn of the Earth.
The tears of grieving will fill the oceans, but the sun will always shine again to dry them up; allow it to do its much needed work.
The tears will flow, my love.
But flow they must.”
From Grieving is as Breathing – August 6, 2015

“The future is a bright and burning sun that flames and then is no more.
Maybe we are that bright sun, but let us bring forth a beautiful display of brilliance as we wave goodbye.”
From The Brilliant Flame: A Tale of Life and Death – Oct. 15, 2015

Rain, wash it away.
With each holiday or remembrance, the pundits and prophets and machines of political correction remind us of why we should not celebrate and how we have failed. Yet we must meet in fellowship to honor the things we hold sacred. Our failures are many, but our sense of community is vital as a species and as a race of imperfect people.”
From Healing Flood – Nov. 26, 2015

“No audience is present; no record contracts or visions of stardom; no one to impress.
Just a freedom of movement and motion that keeps despair at bay and fights off the thick depression that can accompany reality.
This private dancing is a reminder that my heart still beats and, because of that, there is still a reason to dance.”
From I Dance When No One is Looking – Jan. 16, 2016

“When we are at the end of our lives and we look back and reflect on our greatest moment, will we be able to pin it down to one major event? I used to believe that we all have one star moment, fifteen minutes of fame, moment in the sun, or time on top of the world. But is it that easy to pin down? Is it even useful or necessary to try and pin it down? To me it is like catching the elusive greased pig that we think we have a hold of, but slips easily through our fingers. Just when we think we have that defining moment defined, it is replaced with an ever better one…
I chose to define my life by seeking to live it to the fullest. Because it is how we live the moments of everyday existence that define us.
So keep chasing those dreams. Keep fulfilling promises to yourself and to those you love. Make a name for yourself. Rest assured that you have written your life story on the moments of the past, but know that an abundance of defining moments are always around the next corner.”
From Defining Moments – Feb 21, 2016

“Some look with tears; others laugh; yet others scream the name of their long-lost love. Others take a good look and then close their eyes to feel the cool wind on their face as they contemplate their requests…
Hoping upon hope that millions are also beholding the glorious light show on display for free.
Make your wishes humanity.
The stars will not wait forever.”
From The Stars Are Waiting – Feb 27, 2016

“All it takes is that first step.
Then another….and another…and another.
You will rise above. You will conquer this monster that will never leave you alone.
There is no other way but up.
No other direction but forward.
But I cannot make that step for you.
The first step belongs to you.”
From The First Step – March 15, 2016

“Now a room full of lives has been lost in a senseless hate-filled rampage.
Lives gone in an instant because of evil…a punishment inflicted by a single judge and jury
with a coward’s weapon.
You could have been in that crowd…and I could have lost you.
Some self-righteous ones would say it was not a great loss and it was a form of judgement for a lifestyle that repulsed them.
But I disagree.
Your heart beat just as mine and you loved differently than me…
But all I know is that you were my uncle and I loved you.
And I think about you now more than ever.
From All I Knew Is That I Loved You – Jun 14, 2016

“I am a walker watching the world run by
A confused poet in a room full of confident writers
I take it slow—not a novel approach.”
From Walker – June 25, 2016

“Keep running even though you may never win
Keep striving for good even though you will never be good enough
Keep struggling and straining even though you will never be strong enough

I am not good enough…but I will never give up--the finish line is just around the corner.
My story is never good enough, but I will keep writing it.”
From Never Enough – July 3, 2016

“What most people want more than anything else is to be heard. This does not mean listening to them as they say their peace, yet ready to strike back with your vehement appeal and convictions firmly entrenched when they are done speaking. Just listening with those who need to be heard, crying with those who need to shed tears, and holding the hand of someone who feels no one is on their side.
Until we learn to listen and see through the eyes of others, America will never truly be great.”
From I DO NOT Want Fries with That! A Case for Listening – Jul 7, 2016

“Yet I long to come back here…breathe the unique air…drive the streets that lead me to that old house.
When I go I take a piece of it with me to the big city.
But, like a mesmerized zombie, the old town eventually draws me back to face my former realities.
The new and old compete for my attention, yet they both win”
From The Sameness of Home – Aug. 14, 2016

“Unexpected
Loneliness hits you out of the blue; when you least expect it.
It makes no sense to feel alone in a crowd or even a full house…
When you long to feel nothing and even wish for pain and blood
To break the monotony of the numbness.

 Unexplainable
We color it with busyness and searching for collectibles to fill the empty spaces
But matter fills us all--we have no control over the filling or the emptiness.
All we can do is hold out hope for the souring emotions to pass like a salty wave
As we wait for refreshing to sooth the burning wounds like a salve.

Loneliness is not loneliness at all.
It is so much more.”
From The Bitter and the Sweet – Aug. 28, 2016

“V. It is scary to finally see your potential
Like a superhero whose powers begin to take form
Will I use them for good?
Will I use them for evil?
Will I use them to change my world?

VI. I finally see that man emerging from his shell
Although it seems late, maybe it is right on time
The choices are in front of me
The future will proceed in its unstoppable pace
The prize is there for the taking
Time to reach out and claim the destiny that is mine.”
From A Glimpse – Sep. 10, 2016

“I wondered about
My imprints—those I withstand and
Those I create.
Are they lasting and do they profess
That heat and pressure form the man and make us a work of art?”
From Imprints – Sep. 30, 2016

“It sounds so simplistic doesn’t it?  Just love one another. But I am starting to think that humans are incapable. I am never more able to love than when I am alone in my quietness or watching nature as the clouds blow across a fall sky. It is so easy to love at that human-less moment.
Then the contact happens. Or media reminds us of our differences. Or we remember how that person lied to us and how we still have lingering anger. Or we remember how a partner hurt us when they promised to love us forever. Then love seems like a chasm, a canyon of difference, a mountain of impossibility…
Like infants, like small children we reach out our feeble hand to touch it. We may draw back because it burns, but we do not give up. The reward is too great.”
From Why Can’t We Love? – Oct. 16, 2016

“Sounds remind me I am alive--strumming guitars, a missed voice that brings tears, a genuine and thankful response, the thud of my beating heart.
Yet one of the greatest sounds of all is the sound of your own voice—knowing you have the power to bring calm to a storm, cause someone sad to smile, bend wills, strengthen burdened hearts, and encourage ones you love.
May I use my voice to be a sweet melody to a world that hears only sadness and despair.”
From Sounds (For Those Who Have Ears) – Nov. 24, 2016

“In seasons of great joy and solitude, it feels as if the silence somehow
Grabs time and holds it ransom, takes it up to a lonely hill and shows it why it must slow down
But like the wind, it cannot be harnessed, deceived, or controlled
The standing still is an illusion—it is easier to catch the wind.”
From Stand Still – Dec. 25, 2016

“*Every day we write the stories that make us who we are…stories filled with the daily inspirations that lift us from our beds and bring us into the routines of reality.
*But what is reality except for the stories that we write…those that transcend time and take us to places that we built…places that defy the present and bring to life the past.
     *I prefer the daring tales to the ones that lead us into old age with a sack of regrets weighing us down. The dreams of the future don’t hold us back, but they are the winds that burst our sails into life.”
From The River of Stories – March 13, 2017

“Being an optimist is a struggle because some days it seems it would be so much easier to slide into the no man’s land of despair. But seeing the good and the practical in every situation is a gift that should be shared. You will never convert the pessimist, but you might show him a better way and make him long for the hope that you effortlessly exude in every situation. The optimist’s struggle is worth every minute of positivity. So take a deep breath and exhale. There is another chance tomorrow to fight off the stench of negativity.”
From Just You Wait – April 1, 2017

“I am a loser—yet we all have come back from the dead at some point and put up a valiant fight to exemplify how life is always worth the trouble.
The world is filled with losers—yet it does not have to be your epitaph. Start over and prove to the world that losers can never truly be defeated.”
From Loser – April 26, 2017

“I feel kinship with those of the soil; common ancestry, common destination, and a common peace we will once again share
Introspection is always necessary in life; we struggle against it, push back the inevitable until we have nothing else left to feel
Our aliveness seeks our favor, languishes in keeping us happy; yet there are times when it is necessary to reflect on our mortality…
So take the stroll of certainty and do not fear; the dead have no power over us, but they do give us the power to keep walking.”
From Walking Through Cemeteries – May 29, 2017

“In the end freedom is won in small victories…in quiet moments and in moments of great and small victories played out in gyms and classrooms and hospitals and lawyer’s offices.
Freedom is a lifelong struggle…a daily fight…a goal is that never conquered.
Freedom is found in the pursuit… in the everyday victories that sometimes seem far away from our sight.”
From What is Freedom? – July 4, 2017

“You always feel like you are one against an army. But an army of one never won a single battle. Depend on the strengths of others and follow the blazing path they have forged. Because you are the only person that can allow yourself to be defeated. Never give an inch to worry, a foothold to despair. Your weakness is multiplied by the power of love.”
From You are Stronger Than You Think – Aug. 26, 2017

“We are the pottery, cured in the flames.
Molded into comforting shapes that bestow on us reminders
of our beauty but also the reality of our fragile souls.
We are the future, the past.
Knowing that it all burns away reminds
us of what we have in common and the subtle yet powerful
sameness that purifies us.
We are the healed, the delivered.
Even though the imperfect pieces of our shattered lives can be
restored, we realize that we are merely vessels who serve their
purpose, then return to the flames.”
From Shattered – Oct. 2, 2017

“I think I despise silence most of all. Invariably, I feel the need to fill it with music or conversation. For in the silence, demons rear their ugly heads, reminders of deadlines and priorities gnaw at me like hungry piranha, and the reality of my mortality stares at me like a vulture ready to pounce on my scattered remains. So music is usually my numbing drug of choice to drown out the clammering voices.
In a sense, we are all oxymorons; confused and seeking a path that is both clear and unclear at the same time. Never fear the silence, for in silence we find the priorities that give our life clarity, and the strength to push forward through the chaos that clouds our path.”
From Organized Chaos – Oct. 8, 2017