The Bitter and the Sweet

     Unexpected
Loneliness hits you out of the blue; when you least expect it.
It makes no sense to feel alone in a crowd or even a full house…
When you long to feel nothing and even wish for pain and blood
To break the monotony of the numbness.

      Inextinguishable

Maybe loneliness is not loneliness at all.

Maybe it’s a yearning for something deeper…for something more;
Or fear hiding in shadows and begging for us to tame it as it
Cries in a corner and waits for the world to spin around again.

      Inexcusable

It hurts from deep inside but lingering guilt draws it back…

Hides it from those around you as well as yourself.
Loneliness is company to anger; the darkness pushes you to feel something.
Yet how can you feel nothing when the shadow of emptiness is laughing

            at you in the mirror?

      Unexplainable

We color it with busyness and searching for collectibles to fill the empty spaces

But matter fills us all--we have no control over the filling or the emptiness.
All we can do is hold out hope for the souring emotions to pass like a salty wave
As we wait for refreshing to sooth the burning wounds like a salve.

Loneliness is not loneliness at all.

It is so much more.

The Sameness of Home

Faded memories and fading neighborhoods; every tree and leaf appears to never have moved.

People changing yet staying the same; immobile yet moving forward into their unknown requiem.

Every step brings back a memory; every road and rustling wind reminds me of my distant past.

How can this body have aged yet this neighborhood seems to eternally hold on for dear life?

The roads are renewed and paved; the cracks shifted as the weather pounds them into shape.

Like the memories that are paved over with new ones, sometimes enriched and other times a new block fitting into the same round hole.

Yet I long to come back here…breathe the unique air…drive the streets that lead me to that old house.

When I go I take a piece of it with me to the big city.

But, like a mesmerized zombie, the old town eventually draws me back to face my former realities.

The new and old compete for my attention, yet they both win

I am left to contemplate the meaning of that confusing draw that leads me back to the sameness of home.