How Do You Know?

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~Albert Einstein

As I have said before, this life produces more questions than it does answers. As soon as we accept that notion, the more understanding we will be of other people and their personalities, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. In the last few months I have run into statements that beg the question “How do you know?”  I will present each statement and then discuss my thoughts on that mentality.

I am not racist.  Many people believe racism is dead just because we elected a Black president. I would love for that to be the case.  I believe racism, sexism, classism, and all its filthy counterparts are alive and well in America. They reside in the hearts of anyone with a beating heart.  However, there is quite a difference between being racist, and being a racist.  All of us harbor feelings about other races that surface at times when we least expect them, untrue beliefs about individuals and what they stood for, and stereotypes taught to us at a young age. But we can change and grow.  For example, I recently read the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I had heard that he was a hate monger and preached violent revolution.  Although the first few years of his time after prison were marked by radical thoughts and feelings toward whites as being evil, his views changed drastically the last two years of his life. But you would only know that if you read and discovered these facts by yourself.  I guess my point is that you should not judge someone without the facts.  You should also believe that anyone, because of the fact that they are human, can harbor some feelings of racism. We must weigh each thought and action and strive to see all others as equals. It can be a struggle, but we are all capable of change.

I am a ____________________(teacher, preacher, mother, father, lawyer, etc).  My profession is teaching. I have a gift for it and I have taught all the way from middle school to my present job as a college professor.  But that does not define me completely.  I am also a father and a Christian and a son.  All of those facets of me shine forth at different times in my life. If I believe that if I am defined as just a teacher, then I miss the chance to grow and develop those other parts of my life.  When you ask a woman what she does and she responds, hanging her head, that she is just a stay-at-home mom, that makes me sad. Mainly because she has put herself in a box and defined herself in those terms. She should be proud of her position and it is a worthwhile job indeed.  I love my kids, but the reality is that they eventually grow up and develop a life for themselves, and your interactions with them will wane.  If you define yourself as just a mother and the kids grow up, you have limited your ability to change and grow the other areas in your life that are hidden, and you may fall into depression when they move out.  So don’t define yourself by any one category. Change the definition of who you are constantly, like a moving target, so that no one define you or think they know everything about you. That is your gift to yourself.

I could never do_________________because that is not who I am.  Whether it is good or bad, never say that you are not capable of something. Many people say they are incapable of great sin or failure and, when it happens, they are so surprised.  They have discounted the fact that they are human beings with a tendency to screw up. No one is immune.  People also limit themselves because they feel something is not within their personality or present abilities.  Whether we want to accept it or not, everyone can change. Are you the same person you were in high school?  I hope not. So don’t discount the fact that you might be able to do something great and new. Run that marathon. Get that additional degree. Prove to yourself and others that you are capable of much more than they or yourself ever thought.  I am living proof that your personality changes and your abilities can change as you age.  Five years ago I had nearly given up on my life and on being healthy.  Now I have a doctorate and exercise at least 4 times a week.  You can change. Give yourself that opportunity. Be a lifelong learner and be willing to learn by forcing yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. That is the key to growth.

This is what I heard...  Never believe anything unless you find out for yourself.  Read a book.  Watch a movie.  Do some library or Internet research.  In the Malcolm X book, he talks about the fact that he never trusted anyone 100%.  The most he would ever trust anyone was 75%.  That is a good policy to have. Many people put too much stock in “man” instead of finding out for themselves.  Do not let anyone rule you or push you around. Think for yourself. If you want to know the truth about a person’s life, read their biography.  If you want to know about a subject in more detail, don’t just ask others, but seek and find the answer for yourself.  Open your eyes to the possibility that there is something you don’t know. Be an explorer and discover the truth.  In many ways, it will “set you free”.  Also, don’t believe things about yourself that you know are untrue. In the court of public opinion, others may crucify you, but inside your heart you know the kind of person you are and no one can change that. If your reputation has been scarred, start building a new one.  Prove to those who don’t believe in you that you still believe in yourself.

I am a Christian, and this is what that should look like.  In my life as a Christian, I have changed a number of times.  I was Catholic growing up and changed to the Baptist church in my early twenties.  In the last 25 years, my view of the church has changed in many ways. In the last couple of years, I have come to realize that Christians come in many shapes and sizes and with a range of beliefs related to the church and Christ himself.  All I know is that I am a follower of the person Jesus Christ.  Be nervous of anyone that comes to you and says “This is the way a Christian needs to be…and there is no variation.”  I love meeting Christians of other denominations and talking with them about their faith. I also want to talk to other faiths and learn about their traditions.  That does not make me less of a Christian.  I just want to see the perspective that others have about life and how they live out their faith.  In the end, as Christians, we have to make up our minds about how we will follow Jesus, and it will constantly change and evolve the longer we live. Finally, don’t blame the church for its failures in the past. Know that churches are run by imperfect individuals with a propensity to fail.  Go back to the teachings of the man known as Christ and your faith will be renewed.

Some of these comments may offend my readers.  So I remind you that these are my beliefs. Make up your mind for yourself if you believe them or not.  But most of all, use your mind when making decisions in life. Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t ever believe you have arrived. Most of all, don’t put yourself in a box.  You are so much more to yourself and the world.

A Letter to Dr. King (From a White Brother)

“The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.  We cannot walk alone.” 

~Martin Luther King, Jr. from his I Have a Dream Speech

Dear Dr. King,

It has been over 50 years since your famous speech.  I was not born until 1967, so I missed all of the Civil Rights movement. I was still in diapers on that fateful day when you left us too soon.

I would have loved to know you. I can see us sitting down for coffee and talking about the fate of mankind if hate continued to rule the day; to hear the stories of how you marched and gave speeches and prayed for hope.  I wonder what you would think about the progress we have made for racial equality.  There are hundreds of streets named after you; one in at least every major city.  We have a national holiday set aside in your name.  A day to remember.  A day to serve.  We elected a Black president in 2008, a great sign indeed.  But there are many roads to cross and many miles to go before your dream is realized.  I think you would have hoped for so much more.

Unemployment and crime are still too high.  A staggering number of Black men populate the prison systems. Black females are not given equal footing in employment.  Education, though better, is still segregated by income and location.  Black children are denied an equal education in many parts of the country.  Racism is still an ever-present reality, though now it lurks in the shadows and hides in plain sight.

Many have tried to attack your legacy by labelling you as a troublemaker and by reminding us that you had sins and failures as a man.  I choose to ignore those comments, because I have had my own failures.  I am an imperfect Christian just as you were and have made my share of mistakes, but that does not discount my legacy any more than it did yours.  I overcame those failures in my life and earned a doctorate in 2013.  Now I can use my knowledge and experiences to do research on Black students pursuing science careers and also train future science and math teachers who are sensitive to the needs of many races and cultures.

I cannot speak for the rest of the nation and the world, but one of the greatest changes has been within my own heart.  I confronted my demons and stared my stereotypes and prejudices in the face.  I cannot say they have all been conquered.  They still rear their ugly head at times.  But I have learned how much privilege I have because of the color of MY skin. I also realized the profound difference I can make in this world by growing in the strength of my empathy, listening to the stories of those scarred by racism, and doing research into the lived experiences of Black college students, scientists, and science and math teachers.  I am also reading every piece of literature I can find about the Black experience.  It will never be enough, but it is a start.

Finally, I am auditing a class at my current university called Intro to African American Studies.  On the first day of class, I felt the reality of psychologist Claude Steele’s theory of stereotype threat when I walked into a class of 36 Black students, one Asian student, and one very White guy (me).  I wondered if I belonged there and I wondered what you would have thought of my being there. I have come to realize that you would have applauded my presence. Just the fact that the class is allowed and welcomed on the campus is the first victory. The second is that I can stand with my Black brothers and sisters and experience their culture firsthand. It was hard not to cry the first day of class, as I considered what a privilege it was to be there.  I look forward to learning and growing the rest of the semester.

There are many people that I would love to meet who have gone on before us, and you are one. As a Christian, we both believe the day will come when we can share our stories for eternity. I look forward to meeting you and shaking your hand.  Thank you for your legacy.  May we repay you by working tirelessly so that your dream will not be in vain.

Sincerely,

Dr. David Sparks

January 20, 2014