Hellos and Goodbyes….and Hellos

“You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye

I say hello.”~Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles

Change.  It is a reality of life.  It is not always easy and not always welcome.  But in the end, it is necessary.  I am beginning another transition in my life as I change to another school in the fall. One short year ago I was finishing at one school, would start another one in the fall of that year, and here I am moving again.  I hear there are people in this world who live in the same county, work the same job their whole lives, and die within a few miles of their birth. I guess I will not fall into that category, although I have not moved permanently far from my original home town.

I have made some good friends at this school. I have learned to juggle four preparations and have seen the workings of a small district.  Best of all, I have not had any major trials, dramas or changes during my time here. In that sense, it was a much needed respite from big life events.  I have taught and nurtured a new group of students, although not everyone was a fan of my style and personality. But that is to be expected in this business.  But most of all, I have emerged into a new world, one that is on the other side of a tough year that was 2011. 

This fall I start at an Academy of Science and Technology in a much larger school district in Arkansas.  It is fraught with newness, with differences in both required teaching style and expectations, and it is as wide open with opportunity as the ocean.  It is also rich with the fear of the unknown.  A new state and new curriculum.  A new group of students.  A place where my potential and talents are recognized and I am welcomed with open arms.  A chance to show off my teaching chops in a new state and learn how the cogs of education turn there.  A chance to begin again. Rebirths are my specialty and I embark on a new one in just three short months.

I have enjoyed my time here. Although it was short, it was a much needed transition between major changes in my life. I have learned in the past two years that the rollercoaster that is this life rolls on.  I wave goodbye as I top the first hill, and say hello as I take the plunge into the fast-approaching unknown.

See you at the next hill.

“Obladi, oblada, life goes on, brah…Lala, how the life goes on…..”

On (Not Back) to the Future

"Okay. Time circuit's on. Flux capacitor, fluxing." ~ Marty McFly from Back to the Future

So there's good and news and bad news about time travel. The bad news first.  From what I have studied, time travel back in time is not possible. So there is no going back and visiting relatives that have passed on. There's no changing the present by altering past events in your favor. The good news is that time travel into the future may be possible. Einstein's theory of relativity showed that it is at least "somewhat plausible" as we approach the speed of light. Oh more bad news. It is unlikely that you will be able to come back to the present, and if you do, you will be years younger than everyone else and all your friends will have died or become very old. So in all likelihood, time travel is not possible and if it is, you will not like the results. Which is kinda sad, because I really want to know my future. Or do I?

Part of the problem with Attention Deficit Disorder is a lack of patience. Or maybe it's a need for stimulation, immediate response, and action. Many people take that need for stimulation into thrill-seeking such as mountain climbing, skydiving, or bungee jumping. My stimulus of choice is having 15 projects going at the same time. I am not happy when I am bored and I am not happy when I am overstressed, but I do enjoy the juggling act somewhere in between. Either way, ADD leads to a sense of nervousness about the future and about finding the path that I should choose.  I wonder when my finances will get better. I wonder when I will get a car not the size of a bus that rides like a bulldozer. I wonder where my future home will be. I wonder when, or if, I will ever finish my doctorate.  I wonder if I will stay in shape and not fall off the wagon with my food addiction.  I wonder about the next time I will be able to sing. I wonder if anyone ever reads these blogs.

It would be nice to know the future...to use a crystal ball and know the date and method of our death. To see our future triumphs and mistakes...and our legacy. But that is not to be known. I believe if we knew all those details, we would live differently. We would either be content to not do any better than what we saw or sorely disappointed in ourselves and just hide in a fetal position and worry the rest of our lives.

So it would be easy for me to end this blog with a few verses that simply say "trust in God" and "be still" and "put your future in God's hands".  I believe God can relieve our fears about the future, but I also believe a little bit of fear and reverence for our future is necessary. However, we should not lose sleep and worry ourselves into an ulcer, because we cannot change some things about the future. All we can do is build the future one brick and moment at a time. The mortar is the choices we make and the relationships we create.

I will always worry about the future. I just have to realize that I am not in control of the outcomes.  There are too many variables beyond our control. I can only take a deep breath and move on the next moment, and treasure each one. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing....

So we CAN travel into the future: one second at a time just like the rest of the world. Make every second count.

The Dark Side:  The Fine Line Between Good and Evil

"MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."   DEMOTIVATORS poster with a picture of a sunken ship

What is the purpose of your life? Many spend their entire lives trying to answer that question. Sometimes we learn a lot by studying the lives of those courageous individuals that made a difference and triumphed over evil. We love superheroes and applaud when they save the day. But lately I have wondered what we can learn from the "bad" guy. As the poster I mentioned above says, could the purpose of your life be to show others how "not" to live? It is an important question that deserves consideration.  If you are not a Star Wars fan, I apologize for some of the references. But I think you will get my point if you hang with me. 

I have watched Star Wars for years, as far back as the first movie that came out in the late 1970's. I have always been intrigued by the characters and I even hung in there for the prequels of Episode I and II in the early 2000's. In the newer movies, the dialogue was cheesy and they obviously were developed to appeal to a younger audience. Then along came Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. It was a much darker and serious movie. Almost everyone has heard of Darth Vader, the evil looming figure in the black robotic suit with raspy breath and the voice of James Earl Jones. Episode III reveals the creation of Darth Vader from a young Anakin Skywalker. Uprooted from his home planet in Episode I and trained to be a Jedi Knight, Anakin is given the weighty responsibility of being the “chosen one” that will bring peace to the universe. He is burdened with fear and anger and seeks approval and power to fill his emptiness. Along the way he falls in love with Princess Amadala, which is forbidden for a Jedi Knight. By the end of the movie, through the deception of the Sith Lord, he moves over to the dark side (aka bad guys) to save his wife from death. To lure him into his dark service, he was promised the power to suspend death by the emperor. It is the saddest of the Star Wars movies, rich with deception, death, and betrayal. It is a tragic tale that reminds me of the Greek tragedies and men and women of the Bible who failed in dramatic ways. 

I am intrigued by the “bad” guys, not because I aspire to be like them, but because I want to learn how things went so terribly wrong. Did all evil men start out with the intention of causing death and destruction? Did they all aspire to be evil when they grew up, similar to little boys wanting to be firemen or police officers? Are all evil people insane, or are they driven by fear and a need for approval just like us? What worries me more than anything is that there are usually only a few key events or choices that tip the evil person over the edge. These choices make the difference between a life of good or a life of evil. One road leads to destruction. The other leads to life. The downfall of Anakin Skywalker reminds me of Judas from the Bible. Was his deception and ultimate betrayal of Jesus planned from the beginning? Were there specific events that tipped him over the edge? Was it greed or fear or a longing for power? We will never know this side of heaven. 

I think the lesson from Darth Vader and other bad guys is this: we are all capable of life-changing and ultimately evil choices. When I see videos of people in prison or hear of those who are facing the consequences of their behavior, all I can say is “There but for the grace of God go I”. I pray that we can recognize when our choices are leading us down a path of destruction. I pray that I can be diligent and recognize when I am heading the wrong way. No one is immune to the scars and consequences of bad choices.

Sometimes when I watch a movie that demonstrates a battle between good and evil, I feel pity for the bad guy. It is not because I approve of his bad behavior, but because I know that we are one breath, one heartbeat, one bad choice away from being in their company. Happy endings are within our grasp. Let us not let them slip away.

Why I Go to Church

"You really don't have to go to church to be a Christian."
"Well I don't go to church..I just watch it on television."
"You don't have to worship God in a church building. You can worship Him anywhere...even at the lake."

I have heard these and other arguments about church for years.  I have heard numerous opinions and I have come to a very important conclusion for my own personal life:  I need to go to church. I think back to my 10 year-old self and remember my grandmother taking me to the Catholic church and Bible study. I remember being around people who seemed like they honestly enjoyed being there. I still remember sitting beside her...the smell of her coat...her laugh and smile. I remember the solemn quiet and reverence of the service.  My denomination may have changed, but my respect and reverence for the house of God has not.

Recently I have lost some faith in humans (churchgoing humans)...especially in the area of those who are being judgmental and overspiritual.  I have also come to the conclusion that people will fail you because they are human. Churches are made up of imperfect people. As one preacher said "Don't try to find a perfect church because when you join it, it will not be perfect any more."  There are some very mean people and some people who say things that are hurtful. There are those who think they have it all figured out and those that profess to be perfect (or a model of perfection). All this being said, it does not deter me from church. I realize that the reason we go to church is to worship God, and He is perfect.  When I stand up and sing and worship God, I pretend that God is the only person in the audience and I am performing for Him alone. If the others want to join in and lift up their praise to God, they are more than welcome. God deserves all of our praises and we have to remember why we come to church: to worship Him and grow in our faith.

I agree with many experts that say the church (as a body of believers) is losing its power. However, I also believe the church is the only way that Christ made possible the spread of His gospel. There is no Plan B. There is no secret code leading to a Church 2.0. We are all that separates God and his perfect will and purposes from the world. We are His mouthpiece...his testimony.... and He depends us to change the  world.

I still believe in the church. Don't give up on the "bride" just yet.   Let's rebuild the church (the body not the building) one member at a time.

So you will find me in a pew or on a church stage leading worship nearly every week.  There is no place I would rather be on a Sunday morning.