A Message to the Underdog

You are not defeated.  The game is not over.  The buzzer has not sounded.  Are you ready to admit defeat so easily?  There are 70 year old men climbing Mt. Everest right now.  There are soldiers with prosthetic legs running marathons.  There are women fighting breast cancer and walking arm and arm across a finish line with their beautiful sisters.  There are single mothers trying to finish their college degree while working two jobs. 

There you are: lying on the canvas as the champion stands above you, the ref is counting you out. I have been on that canvas.  The only direction to look is up. The only place you want to stay is down. But I thought about being down and it is not the place I want to be. I am climbing to my feet.  I am not giving up.

You think this battle is against everyone else?  You really think anyone cares who crosses the finish line first? This battle is against yourself. It always has been.  You run at your own speed.  You move at your own pace.  It doesn’t matter if you crawl across the finish line---arms bleeding, feet calloused and blistered.   You are your own personal trainer.  You are your own motivational speaker. You are your own cheerleader.  You are the one that makes it happen.  No one is going to run for you.  It is up to you. Are you going to give up; stay on the mat and in the gutter with the other poor unforgiven souls?  Those who wallow in their own self pity.  Those who pass the blame and give everyone else the regrets they should carry on their own back.

I know it’s not easy.  There will be pain and tears along the way, but many joys as well. You are Columbus kissing the ground upon arrival to the new world.  You are a miner saved from a deep well of darkness.  You are Nelson Mandela arising from his filthy prison.  You are Martin Luther King, Jr. expressing his dream.  You are the smiling scientist accepting a Nobel Prize.  You are a recovering addict watching the sunrise after a year of sobriety.  You are the mountain climber who empathically pounds his stake at the top of the mountain.

Defeat is not in your vocabulary.  The finish line is always in front.  Your eye is always on the prize. Run as if you want to win.

Oh by the way, this is not just about running.  This is about living.  Join the race.

Sincerely,

You  

Making Waves

"Don't you know that your life will amount to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean?” the father told him. With a smile he replied, “Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?”

from Cloud Atlas

Life begins and ends before we know it. Even the line in between our start and our finish is a dash, which also sounds like a short period of time.  Childhood is a blur and then the teenage years are over before we realize it. Young adulthood leads us to our career of choice and future spouse. That is followed by a long (and hopefully satisfying) career and raising children as we inevitably stare retirement in the face. We sit in our comfortable chair trying to understand where the years have gone. Have we made a difference? Have we changed anything or made a dent in this world of 7 billion?

Like a stone thrown into a still lake, we make ripples that spread out from the impact and rock the area near the splash. If we are lucky, it spreads to nearby boats or laps on the shore. Before long it is still again; the pond waits for the next disturbance. Every generation sees its heroes. It’s presidents. It’s sports stars and celebrities. They come upon the scene, steal their 15 minutes of fame and their spot in a hall of fame, a star on a boulevard, or a website, and they fade into oblivion. Should we give up on making a difference? Hide in our rooms and protect what is ours? Or do we fight?

Speaking from the optimist’s camp, I believe we have to make ripples. We can make people happy. We can love our children and our parents. We can change someone’s life by believing in them and letting them know they have potential.  We can stand up for injustice. We can help people see God and the love He offers. We can help them share in the peace that passes all understanding. We can choose to make waves.

Who are the brave? The ones who get out of bed every morning, take a deep breath, and prepare for battle. They are the ones who throw stones into the water and make as many waves as possible during the time of their “dash”. They know the water will calm when they leave. They know it cannot last forever. But they have not given up on making a difference. They have not given up hope for humanity.

And neither have I. I choose to make waves in the areas my life touches and ride the waves that stir around me, carrying hope with me until my dying breath.   

Kiss the Ones You Love Goodnight

"August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember...to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord"
~from Paperthin Hymn by Anberlin

Once again I found an obscure song that inspires me. It inspires me to love and never stop telling the ones I love how important they are to me. The song is inspired by a loss suffered by one of the band members. I found the following explanation on www.songmeanings.net:

Singer Stephen Christian said the song was inspired by the troubles of his guitarist Joseph Milligan. 

"Right at the time the album was being written, the guitarist Joey Milligan, his sister had passed away from cancer, and she was very young. She was only 29 years old, she had a one-and-a-half year old son and it really, really, just affected the band. It felt like a giant weight was placed on our chest the entire time we were recording." 

Christian added that the song conjured up powerful experiences of his own. 

"So, while I was writing that song, the memory of my Grandmother and also the circumstances that were surrounding us in the studio really made it almost a necessity to write a song getting that off our chests and really showing the listener what we were going through. So, out of that was derived the song, 'The Paperthin Hymn.'"

When I get to the end of my life, I don't want to regret that I didn't tell the people I love how important they are to me. This song also tells me that tragedy will happen, but God is faithful to see us through the darkness.

I am so thankful for the modern-day poetry of song that inspires me daily to love with fervor, depth, and purpose.

If you have any thoughts about this blog, feel free to post your comments below:

Perfection and Other Lies (A Message to the Church)

“Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in your beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”

~Rich Mullins

Perfect bodies. Perfect language. Perfectly pressed shirts and matching shoes. Perfect people. Can we really be perfect? Of course not. But many of us try. Is it good enough to be good? Or is our good not good enough? Who's standards are we trying to keep up with and who are we trying to impress? Can we find a balance between constantly trying to grow and improve ourselves and reaching for the unrealistic goal of perfection?

Years ago, I wanted my children to think I was perfect. They couldn't know about my flares of anger or my occasional slip of the tongue. They couldn't know that I was like everyone else: human. They had to believe that I was Superman. A hero that never fails and always saves the day. Now I know I was doing them an injustice. I should have been transparent about my imperfection. I should have let them know that it’s alright to be human. It is alright to fail. That doesn't mean that we can't be good people. The Bible wants us to be good. To love others. To feed the poor. To make a difference in people's lives. Do we really change people by painting on a smile at church every week and making them believe faith solves all their problems? I wish we could wear signs that tell the world how broken we really are. I wish they knew the pews are filled with a messed up bunch of sinners. Are we afraid the world will reject Christ because they see that we are human..that we are sinners just like them?

I think the best gift we can give to the world is to stop trying to be perfect. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be like Christ. That means we have to realize we will NEVER be like him. More than anything, grace teaches us how utterly impossible it is to be like Him. Yet we strive and reach and fear and paint on the fake smiles week after week. May we be open and broken to a world that needs to know the job of the church is not perfecting its members, but making them see the importance and dependence we all have on grace.

Sorry if I seem cynical or sound like I am bashing the church. I am not. As I have said before, I love the church. And I love God's people. I just want us (myself included) to realize that perfection is a dead end and a source of frustration at best and insanity at worst.

So stop telling them they are broken if they are divorced. Stop reminding them they are going to hell when they know what it takes to get there and what it takes to avoid it. Stop reminding them of the size of your building or try to impress them with your grandiose and lengthy prayers. Just love them. And tell them what grace means to you and that you don't have it all together. Be transparent to the world and they will respect you for it.

I choose to fall on grace. That is my testimony of brokenness: a Christ-follower who is bumped and bruised and imperfect. Just like the rest of the world. 

If you have any thoughts about this blog, feel free to post your comments below:

How to Shine: Lessons from the Sun

“There on the sun
So bright and young

There on the sun
So bright …you could be anyone

Above the clouds there is a canvas ocean blue
And all the lost balloons and rainbow ends swim there
Higher still the stars are shining out the truth
That here is there and there is everywhere

Up there on the sun
So bright and young
There on the sun
So bright you could be anyone

Here in this place
There is evidence enough that I can change
Here in this place
I’m a shadow of what I could be.”

~Smalltown Poets from There on the Sun

I love when I am listening to music at the gym and I hear an obscure song that probably no one has ever heard. It’s called “There on the Sun” by Smalltown Poets and some of the lyrics are above. I know that are many strange references in the song, especially the line about “rainbows and lost balloons”. However, my favorite line is “There on the sun..you could be anyone.” I know it is partly a reference to heaven and the fact that eternity affords us the luxury of being anything we want to be. We have forever to get it right and enjoy it.

I think the song also speaks to human potential. I have been thinking about the dreams we reach for and the promises we make to ourselves. “I will be happy and successful…” “I will always work out…” “I will read my Bible every day…” “I am going to be a better person that I was 3 years ago….” I got to wondering why we make the promises in the first place, and also why we break them. Sorry, but I don’t have the answer. Maybe you do. We could blame it on sin, the human condition, the fickleness of our brains, or a number of other factors. The fact is that our potential to do amazing things exists and it is as clear and limitless as the Sun.

Scientists say the sun will burn out in about 3 or 4 billion years. Obviously, there is no reason to worry about something that far away. It runs on the process of nuclear fusion, which creates a natural, sustainable, and undying source of energy. It burns continually and gives light to everything around it. The sun is the source of life for all living things. When I think of a role model for meeting my potential, I look to the Sun. Alright, so I know you are thinking I am crazy because it is not a living object. But bear with me. When I think of a goal, be it losing weight, training for a run, finishing my degree, or reading my Bible, it has to burn within me for me to be successful. I have to have a passion for it. It needs to be bright enough for all to see. Finally it needs to be lofty and unquenchable. If it’s not, it will burn out.

I see people all the time that have burned out. Given up. The fire is out. How sad and how true that is about the reality of the human spirit. As we look to these Olympic games and also reflect on our goals and dreams, may we be inspired to burn with passion for the goals we wish to accomplish and for what is truly important in our lives. May I reflect on the blinding, burning, and unquenchable fire of my goals and passions as I see them come to pass. If not, my life is a burned out torch. Any empty and cold moon.

If you have a goal or dream for yourself, let it shine. That’s the only way it will ever happen.

I’ll end with another song. This one may be more familiar: “My future’s so bright…I gotta wear shades!!”

Shine on!!

If you have any thoughts about this blog, feel free to post your comments below:

Finding the Perfect Church

"If you find a perfect church, then don't join it...cause then it won't be perfect anymore."~Unknown Preacher

Recently I have begun the search for a new church. Before I talk more about that, I'll explain my long and confusing Christian heritage.

I grew up a Catholic, going through all the sacraments: communion, confession, Cathecism, and confirmation. My mother went through Catholic school all her life. I also grew up with a godly grandmother who took me to Mass and Bible study almost every week. Her name was Grace Cowan, and she showed me what a Christian should look like. After high school, circumstances, discovery, and emptiness lead me to be saved and place my trust in Christ at the age of 20. I was then Baptized in the Baptist church and began my life as a Baptist. I have remained a Baptist for the last 24 years. I have been a member of 5 different Baptist churches and also served one year as a youth minister and a year as an interim music minister.

I love my diverse story of faith, and I have enjoyed serving God through mission trips, music ministry, fall festivals, vacation Bible schools, children's camp, Sunday school teaching, and youth camp. However, within the last few months I had reason to leave my current church and start visiting a few churches. My girlfriend and I have visited 7 different churches in the last 7 weeks, none of them Baptist. We visited a Bible church, a non-denominational church, a Lutheran church, and a few Methodist churches. Who knows? I may end up back in the Baptist church, but for right now I am keeping an open mind. I am trying to be patient and seek God's direction, but I have a few requirements for my future church. So here they are in no particular order:

*Loving, genuine and non-judgmental members and staff
*Not so rigid as to exclude sinners and persons of other races
*A service that is not too structured but not too informal
*Music service that is is contemporary (but not afraid of some hymns) and open to choirs, groups, and special music and where I can use my talents in singing and leading (and no choir robes please)
*Preaching that is not too firey but not too weak; firm but flexible and instructive; applicable to everyday life and centered on love
*A church that wants you involved but knows church is only one part of your life and will not try to work you to death
*Non-political but definitely pro-Jesus
*Has an active youth and college minstry
*Not so large in membership as to get lost in the crowd but not so small as to not be effective in outreach
*Has an open-membership policy (no special classes or requirements to join)

Alright so I have laid out all these requirements out and I know what you are thinking. Good luck!! This church does not exist. Which brings me to the point I guess I was trying to make all along. A church is created by Jesus to serve Him and lead others to faith in Him. I guess I want a church that, when it looks in the mirror, sees Jesus. Not a fancy building and not a social club. But a reflection of Him and His love.  The church is not perfect and it never will be because it is filled with imperfect humans. But our leader IS perfect.

So the search continues. I know eventually we will settle on a church and I know I will have to compromise some of the things on my list. Pray for God's guidance as I continue visiting a new church each week. I guess I need to make a T-shirt that says "Official 2012 Texarkana Tour of Churches."

If you know of a church that fits that description in the Texarkana area, email me at mcdsparks@gmail.com. I might just show up there Sunday with a smile on my face and clipboard in my hand. Just kidding. (sort of:-)

If you have any thoughts about this, feel free to post your comments below:

Change: Evolution or Revolution?

“No one likes change but babies in diapers”~Barbara Johnson

I was recently contemplating life, as I always do while taking a long walk outside. The question that came to mind was this: “Does everyone change in the course of their lives, and is it always a bad thing.”  To start with the obvious, I am not talking about changing from a confused, slobbering lump of flesh called a baby into a young adult. The changes described there incorporate physical, mental, and spiritual development too broad and amazing to be discussed in a simple blog. What I am referring to is the change from a young adult, say 18 or so, until the time of adulthood. There is a lot of debate about what that magic number is, but for the sake of argument let’s say 40.  

If you took an informal poll and asked one hundred 40-year olds the simple question: “Have you changed from the time you were 18?”, I believe the majority would say yes. And I agree.  I have changed in my views about life, right and wrong, about love, forgiveness, and grace. I have matured in some ways and in some ways I still remain a child. The age of 40 is a hard time for many people. They realize half of their life (if they are lucky) is over and they start to wonder if they have made any kind of difference in this world. It is a sobering birthday. So if most people agree that they have changed, why do people say that is a bad thing? Maybe because they don’t like the changes they see.

Now just for the sake of argument, I propose that we don’t really change as much as we think. I have said a few times in the last few years, “I am not the same person that I was.” I jokingly refer to myself before losing weight as “that other guy.” But am I really so different. Physically I am different. My body is aging. Wrinkles are beginning to appear on my face. But I have the same heart. I have the same personality. (Again, many people debate whether or not our personality changes throughout our lives but I tend to fall on the side that says our personality is pretty much the same after about 16…but that’s for another blog)  Even those that believe a conversion to Christianity changes you, and I believe that is true, you still deal with the same issues after your conversion. For example, an alcoholic that becomes a Christian is now a Christian alcoholic. The temptation is still there, but God helps them control the urge to drink.

Maybe the best analogy for our lives as we grow from a young adult to a mature adult is that of a sculpture being made out of a lump of clay. When we are born, we are basically a big lump. The forces around us, including our parenting and the influences we encounter, start to mold us into the adult we are to become. But we also must deal with what is within us (our personality). Clay has certain innate properties that determine how it will be molded and changed from the inside. By the time we are 18, our general sculpture is set, but subtle changes occur. As we age, natural forces mold us from the outside. The master sculpture (life) makes subtle changes to us that can cause us to look better or worse, but change is inevitable. These changes can be for good or bad, but in the end, they make us what we are. After middle age, the clay hardens and then we are at the mercy of nature to finish out our lives.

So one person says they have changed. One person says they haven’t. The reality is this: they are both right, and they are both wrong. Change happens. Whether we believe it or not…and whether we see it or not.     

Undeserved Upgrade

"Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,

Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!" from Grace Greater Than Our Sin

In 1994, around a year from the time my son was born, I had the opportunity to attend the Global Summit on Science Education in San Francisco. Needless to say, I was nervous about leaving my son, and his birthday was December 30, only one day after my return from the convention. I stayed with a professor from Texas A&M who introduced me to my idol at the time. His name was Bob Yager and he was, and still is, a leader in science education. The next day my professor friend rented a car and drove us around the town, which included crossing the massive Golden Gate Bridge. I was able to take the trip without any personal expense and saw the sights in that beautiful city, so it was well worth the experience. However, what happened on the trip home was what I truly remember (sounds familiar).

If you have ever been to San Francisco, you know that the weather is fairly cool and breezy and storms blow in from the ocean at numerous times throughout the year. A rather large storm was coming so I decided to try and take an earlier flight. I got to the airport and managed to get to the terminal a few hours early. I wanted to try and move up to the flight before mine. I was sincerely worried about getting back a day late for my son's first birthday. I walked to the counter and asked about the earlier flight and also told the lady at the counter that my son's birthday was the next day, hoping to get a little sympathy. She smiled and handed me a pass and said "Merry Christmas". I thought she was just being polite until I noticed the pass said "Row 3". I had been bumped to first class.

It was an experience I will probably never have again. Wide seats that leaned back. A full three-course meal. Enough leg room to prop up my feet. They even gave me little warm towels to wipe off my hands after the meal. I almost felt bad for those in coach. I had not paid for first class and I didn't deserve it. Yet there I was. The flight desk lady will never know what a gift it was for me. And the best part was that I made it back in plenty of time for my son's birthday.

I was reminded about this event while visiting my mom's church. The preacher talked about grace and relayed a similar story. He said a wealthy couple would buy first class tickets and always give up their seats to needy couples or soldiers. They loved the fact that they could give to people without asking for anything back. What a picture of grace. God gives us so much and asks for so little in return. He showers us with blessings and dreams and sits back and smiles when we are successful. I know we are taught about God's wrath and his punishment for sin, but I always enjoy the side of God that we hear about every so often (but not often enough). The God that loves us unconditionally and gives us what we don't deserve.

If God took away all my possessions and I lost everything this earth could offer, His grace would stand. Every minute of every day and every breath is a testimony to His grace. All we have to do is reach out our hand, and our heart, and take it. I leave you with the chorus from the song I mentioned at the start: Grace Greater Than Our Sin. Be thankful for His grace, and pass it on to someone else. That is the greatest present and the greatest testimony we have to give.

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

Team USA or Team Us?

"I know the fight is on the way...
When the sides have been chosen."
~Keep Your Eyes Open by Needtobreathe

Democrats vs. Republicans
Dogs vs. Cats
Obama vs Romney
Left vs. Right
PS3 vs. XBox 360
Jif vs. Peter Pan
Mac vs PC
The 1% vs. the 99%
USA vs. The World

There is competition everywhere. There is always one side against another. There is always a winner and always a loser. As I look forward to the upcoming 2012 Olympics, I realize one thing: there is only one race and that is the HUMAN race.

Every four years the Olympics arrive and viewers pick their events to follow. I usually like watching the gymnastics, some of the track and field events, and the swimming. Just like everyone else in America, I watch Team USA with great anticipation. I enjoy the medal count and I am always excited when I see USA crushing the competition in golds, silvers, and bronzes.  America has its highly trained competitors with major endorsements who prepare and train as their full-time job. Meanwhile, in some remote country a few fans gather around a small television to watch the warriors they have sent. Rarely do they ever win a medal, but they follow their athletes just the same. Many countries can barely afford the round-trip ticket for one person. Yet they send them anyway and cheer and smile when the finish line is crossed, whether or not a medal is involved.

The experience I mentioned in an earlier post about meeting a man from India on the flight to Chicago comes back to mind. As we huddled over the map of the world, I strangely realized we had a lot in common. He had lived in Atlanta, Georgia for three years so he understood a little bit of our culture. He had kids and a job. He had been to the Grand Canyon and had driven through Las Vegas. He had even taken his family to Disney World. He knew more about my country than I knew about his. Amazingly, he also spoke English along with three Indian dialects.

Many believe we are so different from people who live 10,000 miles away. Our skin color is different. We speak different languages. We worship a different way or not at all. And yet their hearts beat and pump the same kind of blood. They cry at weddings and funerals and they laugh at a giggling baby. They enjoy a good meal. They love being around their family. And they all have a heart that beats a final thump as breath leaves the lungs for one last time.

In the end, the competition that we thought was so important was evidently just a game. A game that we all have to play, though we play it in so many different ways. I guess what the Olympics teach me is that we all want to win and we all want to be proud of where we live. It makes me believe we are more alike than we are different. The thirst to win and succeed is ingrained in every individual on Earth.

The important point is that we finish strong. If we do, we are winners in the biggest game of all.

The Proof of Your Love

I am passing on the monologue from the song “The Proof of Your Love” from For King and Country. It is an excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13 in The Message. I love the way it states it so clearly and profoundly. No further commentary is necessary. The passage speaks for itself.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)

Skateboarding Bulldogs and “Little” Cities

“Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You'll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eyes open, my love.” Keep Your Eyes Open from NEEDTOBREATHE

I recently spent six days in Michigan for the New Tech Network New Schools Conference. It was long and tiring and an amazing experience. We planned interactive projects to begin the school year and learned a complex yet stimulating model for project-based learning. However, it seems more lessons were learned from the journey (as always with me). Here are some interesting insights that came to me after the flurry of the week had ended:

1. The world is a big place, and we are a small part of it. The view from 30,000 feet is enlightening. Rivers seems like tiny twisting scribbles and cars are miniscule moving dots. Huge cities like Chicago look like a small rustic village on the banks of the great ocean that is Lake Michigan. Getting a plane’s eye view is enlightening and humbling and amazing all at the same time. It also makes you feel simultaneously powerful and powerless. You think: How can I, such a puny ant on the scale of the huge world, make any kind of difference? But rather than being depressed and feeling insignificant, I was actually just more on the reflective side. I decided that the difference I make is up to me, and that difference will be in MY little rustic village.

2. The amazing part of life is the journey, not the destination. Interacting with travelers on the airplane, speaking with individuals at the conference, and observing those we ran into at night in restaurants and on the street were great learning opportunities. I sat by a man from India on the plane ride to Chicago. We talked the whole time about life in India versus life in America. We took out the map of the world from the airline magazine and compared the places we had both been and would love to visit. He lamented his 24 more hours of plane travel to arrive at his home, but missed his loved ones just like I did. I also met teachers who face the same struggles as I do and have the same hopes and dreams, which makes the world seem a little smaller.

3. Look for opportunities all around you to change your thinking. On the way home from one of the local eateries we saw a woman jogging with an English bulldog behind her riding a skateboard. That is definitely something you don’t see every day.  Of course we had to get pictures. The dog seemed like it was so natural to ride a skateboard and his owner acted like it was another day at the park. I noticed that my engrained thinking about what the world should look like is colored by my own narrow views. Just when I think I have students figured out and I know the way I should visualize the learning process, my training at the conference showed me a new way. I moved outside of my little box and discovered a world that has no easy answers--unpredictable and new every time the sun rises.

At the risk of being cliché let me end with this: The joy is in the journey. May you open your mind to different ways of thinking and strive to make a difference as you travel the streets of your rustic village, always contemplating the view from above.

Playing in the Sprinkler 

“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” ~Pablo Picasso

A few days ago I noticed that my waist was expanding and my pants were not, so I headed off toward the track to walk laps and run bleachers. On the way I noticed a few children in a nearby house playing in the sprinkler and water hose.  It was the perfect summer activity to beat the heat. Part of me wanted to pull over and run to the house and play in the water with them, but I figured that might prompt a call to the police or the funny farm. So I just smiled and kept going, a little jealous at their homemade water park.  At the track, it was the usual suspects. Housewives needing a break from the kids.  High school athletes trying to impress their girlfriends. Older men trying to regain some portion of their youth. And me of course. 

It was around 7:30PM so I noticed the automatic sprinklers were on watering the football fields. One of the sprinklers was not aimed correctly, which created a 10-foot spray onto the track. I noticed the errant sprayer after I had just passed it, so I wasn’t able to enjoy a cool relief from the heat. My next thought was: “I’ll catch it next time around.” Sadly when I returned, the timer had shut off and the watering session was finished for the night. My chance at a cool mist reprieve had passed.

As usual I wanted to make sense of the life lesson found in these two incidents.  It took me a few days to piece it together, but it finally came to me.  Why was I jealous of the children? I could easily turn on the sprinkler at home and dance around the front yard (most likely prompting a few snickers as people passed by). I believe what I was jealous about is the reality of my youth that has passed me by. The innocence and freedom that a child possesses can never be repeated or duplicated as we age.  But I believe we can learn a few lessons from the children. I think we are never too old to enjoy the spray of a sprinkler, eat a sno cone, make a loved one laugh with funny voices, or giggle at a Looney Toons marathon. 

Sadly, we wait too long to make moments of our own and share those childlike experiences with the ones we love. Like the sprinkler on the track, time passes before we know. The kids grow up. Your mom grows older. Long distance relationships with high school friends fade away.  Memories become a distant reality. Life passes by and doesn’t wait for us to catch up. I pray that we would not miss opportunities and realize we can never recapture a moment when it passes. Take time to stop and let the sprinkler come to you.

When we review memories made with those we love, how refreshing it is to not have any regrets when we look back at our lives.

Take the time to play in the sprinkler….no matter how silly you look and no matter who is watching.  

A Flat Tire..and a Winding Road

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."~ Marie Curie

I was alerted by a teacher yesterday that I had a flat tire. Somehow by the grace of God I made it all the way to school and a perfectly-placed nail brought the tire to rest on the pavement by the early part of the morning. With the help of the school's maintenance director, we changed to the temporary "donut" and I made plans to take the permanent tire to be patched after school.  The first lesson I learned is that there is no reason to get upset about things that are beyond my control. Flat tires will happen..and there is no reason to get mad, cry, or philosophize about them.  They only have to be changed. But the life lesson was not in the flat tire, but in the journey to fix it. 

I had to stay the entire day at the school to wait for the high school graduation that night at 7PM. I live too far away to drive home and back. But I needed my tire fixed so I decided to take it to get patched right after school. My first choice was a town about 18 miles away that I pass through every day.  There is a Walmart there  and various tire shops, so it was the obvious choice. However, a smaller town was about 9 miles away, although I had never been there except for passing through. So I had a choice: go with the obvious and familiar or take a chance on the unfamiliar. I chose the smaller town.

I asked for directions from a few teachers and headed off down the narrow highway toward my cutoff. I had never been on this road. After about a minute a wave of apprehension flowed through me…that surge of adrenaline and fear that comes from experiencing the unfamiliar. Why was I worried? At least three people had told me the directions (I should have trusted the first person since they live in the area). And yet my fear of the unknown brought me to a place of decision. I decided to keep going and, after a minute, the fear subsided and I felt a sense of trust and peace. I found the small town and the tire was fixed in no time flat (pun intended).

What was my biggest fear?  What was the worst that could happen? I realized that I am way too cautious with my life when it comes to the everyday trust that I need to live a stress-free life. I know God is in control and I know he is guiding me and leading me down that winding road. But do I trust that he is going to take care of my future?  Do I trust that he has the "directions"…even if I have never been there before? The truth is obvious…He DOES know the way. All I have to do is trust Him and follow. I also realized that the rush of adrenaline brought on by fear that I experienced can sometimes translate into excitement and anticipation instead of worry.

Is it naivety to trust the future and know that it will all work out? Or is it simply an expression of faith? Which brings me to a familiar verse that speaks to me in new ways as I contemplate the winding road: Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Every winding road has a destination.  May I enjoy the journey.

Hellos and Goodbyes….and Hellos

“You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye

I say hello.”~Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles

Change.  It is a reality of life.  It is not always easy and not always welcome.  But in the end, it is necessary.  I am beginning another transition in my life as I change to another school in the fall. One short year ago I was finishing at one school, would start another one in the fall of that year, and here I am moving again.  I hear there are people in this world who live in the same county, work the same job their whole lives, and die within a few miles of their birth. I guess I will not fall into that category, although I have not moved permanently far from my original home town.

I have made some good friends at this school. I have learned to juggle four preparations and have seen the workings of a small district.  Best of all, I have not had any major trials, dramas or changes during my time here. In that sense, it was a much needed respite from big life events.  I have taught and nurtured a new group of students, although not everyone was a fan of my style and personality. But that is to be expected in this business.  But most of all, I have emerged into a new world, one that is on the other side of a tough year that was 2011. 

This fall I start at an Academy of Science and Technology in a much larger school district in Arkansas.  It is fraught with newness, with differences in both required teaching style and expectations, and it is as wide open with opportunity as the ocean.  It is also rich with the fear of the unknown.  A new state and new curriculum.  A new group of students.  A place where my potential and talents are recognized and I am welcomed with open arms.  A chance to show off my teaching chops in a new state and learn how the cogs of education turn there.  A chance to begin again. Rebirths are my specialty and I embark on a new one in just three short months.

I have enjoyed my time here. Although it was short, it was a much needed transition between major changes in my life. I have learned in the past two years that the rollercoaster that is this life rolls on.  I wave goodbye as I top the first hill, and say hello as I take the plunge into the fast-approaching unknown.

See you at the next hill.

“Obladi, oblada, life goes on, brah…Lala, how the life goes on…..”

On (Not Back) to the Future

"Okay. Time circuit's on. Flux capacitor, fluxing." ~ Marty McFly from Back to the Future

So there's good and news and bad news about time travel. The bad news first.  From what I have studied, time travel back in time is not possible. So there is no going back and visiting relatives that have passed on. There's no changing the present by altering past events in your favor. The good news is that time travel into the future may be possible. Einstein's theory of relativity showed that it is at least "somewhat plausible" as we approach the speed of light. Oh more bad news. It is unlikely that you will be able to come back to the present, and if you do, you will be years younger than everyone else and all your friends will have died or become very old. So in all likelihood, time travel is not possible and if it is, you will not like the results. Which is kinda sad, because I really want to know my future. Or do I?

Part of the problem with Attention Deficit Disorder is a lack of patience. Or maybe it's a need for stimulation, immediate response, and action. Many people take that need for stimulation into thrill-seeking such as mountain climbing, skydiving, or bungee jumping. My stimulus of choice is having 15 projects going at the same time. I am not happy when I am bored and I am not happy when I am overstressed, but I do enjoy the juggling act somewhere in between. Either way, ADD leads to a sense of nervousness about the future and about finding the path that I should choose.  I wonder when my finances will get better. I wonder when I will get a car not the size of a bus that rides like a bulldozer. I wonder where my future home will be. I wonder when, or if, I will ever finish my doctorate.  I wonder if I will stay in shape and not fall off the wagon with my food addiction.  I wonder about the next time I will be able to sing. I wonder if anyone ever reads these blogs.

It would be nice to know the future...to use a crystal ball and know the date and method of our death. To see our future triumphs and mistakes...and our legacy. But that is not to be known. I believe if we knew all those details, we would live differently. We would either be content to not do any better than what we saw or sorely disappointed in ourselves and just hide in a fetal position and worry the rest of our lives.

So it would be easy for me to end this blog with a few verses that simply say "trust in God" and "be still" and "put your future in God's hands".  I believe God can relieve our fears about the future, but I also believe a little bit of fear and reverence for our future is necessary. However, we should not lose sleep and worry ourselves into an ulcer, because we cannot change some things about the future. All we can do is build the future one brick and moment at a time. The mortar is the choices we make and the relationships we create.

I will always worry about the future. I just have to realize that I am not in control of the outcomes.  There are too many variables beyond our control. I can only take a deep breath and move on the next moment, and treasure each one. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing....

So we CAN travel into the future: one second at a time just like the rest of the world. Make every second count.

The Dark Side:  The Fine Line Between Good and Evil

"MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."   DEMOTIVATORS poster with a picture of a sunken ship

What is the purpose of your life? Many spend their entire lives trying to answer that question. Sometimes we learn a lot by studying the lives of those courageous individuals that made a difference and triumphed over evil. We love superheroes and applaud when they save the day. But lately I have wondered what we can learn from the "bad" guy. As the poster I mentioned above says, could the purpose of your life be to show others how "not" to live? It is an important question that deserves consideration.  If you are not a Star Wars fan, I apologize for some of the references. But I think you will get my point if you hang with me. 

I have watched Star Wars for years, as far back as the first movie that came out in the late 1970's. I have always been intrigued by the characters and I even hung in there for the prequels of Episode I and II in the early 2000's. In the newer movies, the dialogue was cheesy and they obviously were developed to appeal to a younger audience. Then along came Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. It was a much darker and serious movie. Almost everyone has heard of Darth Vader, the evil looming figure in the black robotic suit with raspy breath and the voice of James Earl Jones. Episode III reveals the creation of Darth Vader from a young Anakin Skywalker. Uprooted from his home planet in Episode I and trained to be a Jedi Knight, Anakin is given the weighty responsibility of being the “chosen one” that will bring peace to the universe. He is burdened with fear and anger and seeks approval and power to fill his emptiness. Along the way he falls in love with Princess Amadala, which is forbidden for a Jedi Knight. By the end of the movie, through the deception of the Sith Lord, he moves over to the dark side (aka bad guys) to save his wife from death. To lure him into his dark service, he was promised the power to suspend death by the emperor. It is the saddest of the Star Wars movies, rich with deception, death, and betrayal. It is a tragic tale that reminds me of the Greek tragedies and men and women of the Bible who failed in dramatic ways. 

I am intrigued by the “bad” guys, not because I aspire to be like them, but because I want to learn how things went so terribly wrong. Did all evil men start out with the intention of causing death and destruction? Did they all aspire to be evil when they grew up, similar to little boys wanting to be firemen or police officers? Are all evil people insane, or are they driven by fear and a need for approval just like us? What worries me more than anything is that there are usually only a few key events or choices that tip the evil person over the edge. These choices make the difference between a life of good or a life of evil. One road leads to destruction. The other leads to life. The downfall of Anakin Skywalker reminds me of Judas from the Bible. Was his deception and ultimate betrayal of Jesus planned from the beginning? Were there specific events that tipped him over the edge? Was it greed or fear or a longing for power? We will never know this side of heaven. 

I think the lesson from Darth Vader and other bad guys is this: we are all capable of life-changing and ultimately evil choices. When I see videos of people in prison or hear of those who are facing the consequences of their behavior, all I can say is “There but for the grace of God go I”. I pray that we can recognize when our choices are leading us down a path of destruction. I pray that I can be diligent and recognize when I am heading the wrong way. No one is immune to the scars and consequences of bad choices.

Sometimes when I watch a movie that demonstrates a battle between good and evil, I feel pity for the bad guy. It is not because I approve of his bad behavior, but because I know that we are one breath, one heartbeat, one bad choice away from being in their company. Happy endings are within our grasp. Let us not let them slip away.

Why I Go to Church

"You really don't have to go to church to be a Christian."
"Well I don't go to church..I just watch it on television."
"You don't have to worship God in a church building. You can worship Him anywhere...even at the lake."

I have heard these and other arguments about church for years.  I have heard numerous opinions and I have come to a very important conclusion for my own personal life:  I need to go to church. I think back to my 10 year-old self and remember my grandmother taking me to the Catholic church and Bible study. I remember being around people who seemed like they honestly enjoyed being there. I still remember sitting beside her...the smell of her coat...her laugh and smile. I remember the solemn quiet and reverence of the service.  My denomination may have changed, but my respect and reverence for the house of God has not.

Recently I have lost some faith in humans (churchgoing humans)...especially in the area of those who are being judgmental and overspiritual.  I have also come to the conclusion that people will fail you because they are human. Churches are made up of imperfect people. As one preacher said "Don't try to find a perfect church because when you join it, it will not be perfect any more."  There are some very mean people and some people who say things that are hurtful. There are those who think they have it all figured out and those that profess to be perfect (or a model of perfection). All this being said, it does not deter me from church. I realize that the reason we go to church is to worship God, and He is perfect.  When I stand up and sing and worship God, I pretend that God is the only person in the audience and I am performing for Him alone. If the others want to join in and lift up their praise to God, they are more than welcome. God deserves all of our praises and we have to remember why we come to church: to worship Him and grow in our faith.

I agree with many experts that say the church (as a body of believers) is losing its power. However, I also believe the church is the only way that Christ made possible the spread of His gospel. There is no Plan B. There is no secret code leading to a Church 2.0. We are all that separates God and his perfect will and purposes from the world. We are His mouthpiece...his testimony.... and He depends us to change the  world.

I still believe in the church. Don't give up on the "bride" just yet.   Let's rebuild the church (the body not the building) one member at a time.

So you will find me in a pew or on a church stage leading worship nearly every week.  There is no place I would rather be on a Sunday morning.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

“Time has taught me well and I can tell you

The good things people do

They really care and I’ve been there

Seen it with my eyes

You can tell that they’re God’s people

By the goodness in their lives.” Good People by Audio Adrenaline

In one of my college courses we watched the old black and white version of Twelve Angry Men with Henry Fonda. The jury had just convened into a room and were about to decide the fate of a young man who had allegedly killed a man with a knife. The jury had to reach a unanimous vote to convict him. Everyone was ready to go home. Ready to get this over with…to see their family…to do something more important. The votes were cast and Henry Fonda was the last holdout. He had serious doubts. Reasonable doubts. And that’s all it takes. Finally he convinces almost all the jurors of the reasonable doubt, and the vote that was originally 11 for conviction turned into 12 who voted for acquittal. It was a good movie and it taught me a lot about human nature and also about leadership.

The movie got me thinking about whether man is inherently good or evil. It is an important question and not exactly an easy one to answer. All the evidence points to evil. The atrocities of Adolf Hitler. War. Corruption and chaos in governments. Death and mass murder conducted by terrorists. It’s unanimous...a slam dunk conviction. But before the jury votes, we must consider the evidence. First, I want you to consider this quote:
"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death." ~Anne Frank

Anne was about to be captured and killed by the Nazis and we have her diaries that tell the story. How could someone experience these atrocities and see people killed and tortured and still believe in the goodness of mankind? Was she simply young and naïve? First, I want to say that, as a Christian, I believe in the concept of original sin and the verses that tell us that there are “none righteous, no not one.” And I do believe that idea and supposition. However, I believe there is more to the story. Just as man is capable of atrocious acts of evil, he is also capable of amazing acts of goodness. What a contradiction we are. Left to our own devices, we usually chose the path of least resistance and the choice of sin. But, as the song I mentioned by Audio Adrenaline talks about, there are so many good people in this world. And, like Anne Frank, I have to believe that there is some goodness in everyone. I will agree that it is hard to find and it has dissolved away in some individuals by a lifetime of anger, abuse and bad choices. Maybe like Anne, I am naïve and I only see the good in people, which could be a character flaw and cost me my life one day while trying to find the “good” in a mugger with a gun.

I guess, in the end maybe we are asking the wrong question. Maybe we need to ask: Are humans capable of great goodness? And for that question, I think the answer is a resounding Yes! If the answer to that question is “Yes”, then there may be hope for mankind after all. We must never stop believing in the potential for people to make good choices.

I end with a quote from one of our generation’s greatest theologians: Mr. Rogers.

“Sometimes people are good, and they do just what they should. But the very same people who are good sometimes are the very same people who are bad sometimes. It's funny but it's true.”